Jake resolved not to let her penetrate his soul or force him to waver. Reaching for a large towel, he wrapped it around her, drawing her into his arms. “I need more than that Kris, I'm sorry. You backed out of the divorce before. Prove to me that its going forward this time, then maybe...” he murmured, closing his eyes, struggling to overcome the angst provoked by her trembling.
“That takes time, Jake. It doesn't happen overnight.” Her muffled words disappeared in his chest.
“Then let’s take one day at a time, I'm being patient, just like you told me.”
Stunned, she wrestled out of his arms. Stepping back, her mouth fell open when she recognized the emptiness in his eyes. As she delved deeper she realized he also enjoyed the heartless punishment he was inflicting upon her. Worst of all, he had used her, tricking her into believing he changed his mind.
“I can't believe you are torturing me like this, Jake, and your baby as well. I hope it makes you feel really good!” In a fit of rage, she pushed her hands against his chest, desperate to shove him away. As usual it was unsuccessful since it took little effort on his part to remain rooted in place.
A pained expression spread across his face. Her flare-up and accusations were beyond his comprehension. He had never construed his actions that way at all. Baffled, he stepped aside. She huffed past him, he followed her to the bedroom. Out of the blue it dawned on him. Every word she said was true. He never considered himself a spiteful person, yet here he was hurting himself and the baby just to get back at her. And the most shocking part: it was very satisfying.
Refusing to look at him, she stopped briefly to put on a robe.
It doesn’t feel right to end it like this, I have to get her to understand. Grabbing her arm as she sailed by him on the way to the kitchen, he held onto her. She glared up at him, her nostrils flaring.
“This is the only way you understand, Kristen. You already proved it. Every time I went easy on you, you screwed me over. I warned you if you did it again what would happen, but you didn't believe me or care.”
She exploded. “Just tell me one thing, Jake—how long have you been cheating on me?”
He couldn’t repress his snicker. “That's all you think about? There's no one else Kristen. This is all about us working it out, me and you, period!”
“You're a liar! Just like you were when you fucked Tia and Marty!”
“Stop it Kristen! You're not making any sense and you’re gonna wake the baby!”
“Then get out Jake! And don't bother coming back with your mercy money, I don't need it! Take your fucking vacation or whatever you call it and leave!” Against her will tremors rocked her body as she struggled to hold back the tears.
When he reached out to touch her, she screamed at him, slapping his hands away. It quickly became obvious that she was inconsolable and staying longer would simply get him in trouble. With a disillusioned sigh he gave up, hoisted the bag onto his shoulder and stalked out of the room. Once the sound of the engine drifting off into the darkness assured he was out of reach, she sank to the floor and cried with a crippling vengeance.
JAKE/KRISTEN
Six days and counting since Jake moved out. He managed to see Alex two evenings for a few minutes, but she refused to even look at him, let alone speak. In his mind, he was certain he was doing the right thing, but he was broken and consumed with loneliness. Each day became more difficult to concentrate on his artwork and the mural wasn't turning out to be the masterpiece he envisioned. Henry commented on his lack of enthusiasm, as it seemed to be affecting others around him, as well as the finished product he had paid him a nice chunk of cash for. Jake held back on details, only disclosing that he was having relationship issues.
“Relationships, relationships—why are they so complicated? How is your son? Does she let you see him?” Henry maintained a carefree attitude while paying close attention to Jake’s body language as they shared a few beers at a little table next to the bar. A temporary lull in activity between lunch and dinner service allowed them the time to chill out and talk.
“Not really. I haven't seen him in a few days,” Jake reflected, his head bowed while he rubbed his forehead.
“Why not? You need to assert your rights! Maybe you need a night out on the town, to refresh yourself.” Henry chuckled, getting up to attend to the dinner crowd trickling into the restaurant.
Jake sat rooted in place, his face hidden behind his hair to conceal his shame. Ever since the day Kristen refused to talk to him at the house, he had successfully numbed himself, blocking her from of his mind, not allowing any part of his day to revolve around her. The nights were another story altogether, but he dealt with those by drinking until he passed out. Henry brought all the pain back to life.
Alone in his room, he broke down, letting the tears that he fought so hard to hold back drain from his soul. It didn’t take him long to figure out what he really needed. He missed Alex terribly. The desire to be with him and share every second of his new life was overwhelming. And Kristen? He regretted leaving her so much his body ached, yet his stubbornness prevented him from being fulfilled. He couldn’t let her win. Instead he lay on his bed, lifeless and awash with mental exhaustion, too depressed to move.
When the phone rang he lunged at it, sending it catapulting across the room. It seemed so ridiculous he couldn't help laughing. His heart was in his throat when he retrieved it and clicked the answer key. At the sound of his mother’s voice, a disappointed sigh escaped his lips.
“Jake, what's wrong?”
There was deep concern in her voice. Between his despair and the knowledge he couldn't hide anything from her, there was no choice other than confessing his misery.
“You need to go back home son. Why are you letting your hard head control your heart? Think about your baby. Don't you think he needs his daddy?” Her voice resonated with tenderness in his ears.
He listened in silence, afraid if he spoke he would break into pieces.
“Do you love her Jake?”
When she asked the question, the one he avoided asking himself, he lost it. She waited. It seemed like an eternity, before he exhaled and managed to speak.
“Yes. She tried to do what I wanted but I was too hurt to accept it. I wanted her to suffer.” As he listened to his own words, he realized what a heartless jerk he was.
“Then get over it, go to her, forgive her and go on with your life. I know you feel abused, but don't hurt yourself even more. Don't prevent yourself from enjoying the happiness you deserve, Jake. And think about your son. You promised you would be there for him didn't you?”
Jake couldn't wait another minute. Everything she said was true. It had been long enough.
* * *
Kristen was coping the best she could. When she warned Jake not to come back, she felt powerful, then as the days crawled by, her strength dissolved into debilitation.
Taking it day by day, just like he said.
Walking around like a zombie, numb and listless, her eyes red and swollen, she just wanted to die. Several times, she picked up the phone to call him, then in a fit of despair flung it down and began to weep instead.
The baby was her entire life, every moment centered around him. When he slept, she tried to keep busy so she wouldn't have to think—thinking lead her straight back to Jake and how much she missed him.