The first few days he was gone were spent in a state of total depression, taking care of the baby, crying, barely eating and sleeping long hours. One day she managed to motivate herself enough to pull out the large drawing pad and charcoal. Much to her surprise she jumped right into the zone, even started a portrait. The strange part was before she was halfway done, it already resembled Jake.
When he came by the house to see Alex, she hid the drawing pad and fled to the bathroom, refusing to speak to him. If she did, she was fearful she would break down and give in. At first he pounded on the door in a vehement attempt to draw her out. But her stubbornness won out and she stayed holed up in the bathroom, determined not to weaken. The next day when he returned, he didn't even bother. By then, convinced he didn't love her anymore, she told herself one way or another, she would have to go on without him.
At the same time, Logan barraged her with daily texts and voice messages. His plea sentencing hearing date was fast approaching and his devastation made him desperate to see her. So far, she had been tough enough to resist the temptation to speak to him. But her resolve was quickly deteriorating.
Now almost one week later, she crumpled. When Logan called, she answered.
“Krissy, I really need to see you before the hearing next week,” he moaned.
Closing her eyes, she let out a heavy sigh.
“Logan, don't you understand what you did, how you hurt me? Why did you have to tell that piece of shit where we were when you know how evil and sick he is?” Beyond exhaustion, it almost didn't matter anymore. Nothing did.
“No, because it wasn't my fault. I told you, I owe him and he took advantage when I was too fucked up to do anything.”
“I don’t care what you owe him, Logan! I know you weren't too fucked up to understand he was going to drug and rape me!”
“Rape? No! I didn't know, I swear Krissy please!”
“That’s bullshit Logan! I heard you saying you would find someone else—you knew! Maybe you tried to stop him this time, but you are as much a rapist as he is!” As her words sank in, a heavy weight lifted off of her chest. Even if she couldn't or wouldn’t prosecute them, she needed him to worry, to suffer, like she did every single day. And when he got served with the dissolution of marriage any day now, it would hurt even more. The empowerment was its own special reward, and she couldn’t resist pushing it further.
“If you weren’t helping me now, I would press charges against both of you.”
Logan was quiet at first. When he finally spoke, his voice was shaky.
“I'm sorry Krissy, I never meant for it to happen. I owe him and, I swear, he never told me what he was gonna do.”
Shaking her head in disbelief, she didn't know if she should run out and kill him or find it in her heart to forgive him. Nick was a major sleaze ball and she didn't put anything past him. For years, he had Logan trapped in the palm of his hand and anything was possible. Regardless, she couldn't let him off the hook so easily.
“What did you owe him?” The numbness made it easy to keep her tone emotionless.
Logan didn't want to tell her about his disastrous arrangement with Nick involving Gina. Or his paranoid belief that Jonny connected him to Ray’s death. Nick mentioned Jonny telling him about it. Now he was certain they both were holding it over his head. The fear it produced gnawed at his brain, haunting him more and more ever since the Gina fiasco.
It will only freak her out more if she knows everything.
“Money. I can't tell you more than that, but it's bad. Please, just believe me, I didn't know about the roofies until after—”
“—You arranged for him to have sex with me over money? With my baby there? Oh my God!” She couldn't hold back her tears any longer. How could I have been so spellbound by him to fail to see what a monster he really is? And now Jake is gone because of it. The only one who won’t hurt me is my baby. Yet.
Her sobs changed to delirious laughter.
“No… I tried to stop it… are you okay?”
Her head throbbing, Logan’s voice vibrated in her ears. The strange sound so faint, so far off in the void, it could’ve been a bad dream. But it droned on and she wasn’t sleeping.
“No. I'm not okay. You are insane, he could've killed me. Do you realize that? Do you even care?”
“Of course I care! I love you!”
When she heard the door opening, she stood paralyzed. It was only eight p.m. and still light outside, but her mind went black with fear.
Jake entered, hesitant but steadfast, a sheepish look on his face. There was something different in his eyes, an undefinable feverish glow. Love, blind lust, madness? Unable to think straight, she stood wide-eyed and confused.
A sudden loud thump drew her eyes to his duffle bag on the floor, before they rose to his face again. Her hands fluttered to her chest, the phone limp in her fingers as she remained gaping at him. Without blinking, she pressed the end call button, blocking out Logan's muffled voice.
He didn't give a damn who she was talking to. This time, none of that mattered. All he cared about was the love shining in her eyes, the way her bright copper curls framed her flushed face, the gentle parting of her lips as they flipped into a tentative smile. The inviting warmth of her body.
“Jake,” she murmured, her muscles cramping as he rushed to her.
Sensing her turmoil, he cupped her face in his hands, his eyes reassuring.
“Kris, I love you. I'm sorry...” There was more he needed to tell her, but her mouth crushed his, claiming his lips as her own.
* * *
A few hours later they were awakened by the baby's cries, which grew progressively louder.
“I'll take care of him. Rest, you've been through enough,” Jake whispered, his hand holding her back. Too depleted to protest, she nodded, rolling onto her side to take in every second of their special bond.
Alex's wailing continued, even as Jake rocked him. Concerned, he handed him to her. She pressed her lips against his forehead, then began soothing him until the frantic cries turned into little whimpers.
“Is he sick?” Jake hovered over them, his brows drawn together on his tautened face.
“He's fine, just hungry and grumpy.” She narrowed her eyes, giving Jake that familiar, mischievous look. As soon as he picked up on it, he let out a deep, weighted sigh of relief, ruffled her hair and bounced out of bed. A few minutes later he sank down next to them, placing the warm bottle in Alex's eager mouth. After a second he let her take over, his hand firmly on hers as she held it. They remained quiet, enjoying the low slurping noises as he tugged on the bottle.
“He has a powerful mouth, just like his daddy.” With pride glimmering in her eyes, she laid her head on Jake's muscular arm.
Elated and speechless he couldn’t rip his eyes from them. How could I have ever considered leaving for good?
Clearing his throat, he caressed Alex's cheeks.
“Did I ever tell you that it was my birthday the day we met?” He dropped his gaze, overcome by the huge lump in his throat.
“No! You never did!” Hugging Alex closer, she gazed at Jake in surprise.
“Yeah, well it was kind of a touchy subject at the time.” Pausing as the day became vibrant in his mind, his shy glance met hers. “You were my special gift.”