Considering how hard-headed Kristen was, all Alicia could do was shrug and change the subject. “Did you call Jake at least?” When it was apparent she hadn't, she persisted, with a suspicious glint in her eyes, “What does that didn’t really have intercourse crap mean anyway?”
Kristen gave her an innocent smile, and picked up the pace, determined to block her out and concentrate on getting to the baby. “It means exactly what it sounds like.”
Alicia clutched her head and scurried after her.
The nurse was already feeding Alex by the time they'd scrubbed down and walked in. Kristen bit her lip, trying to compose herself. He was only a few days old and she already had let him down. Thanks to Logan. But she had to admit it was also her fault. How is it possible to have mental strength with everything but him?
“Do you want to burp him, honey?” The nurse smiled, handing the baby to her.
At first, Kristen’s hands shook so violently, she doubted her ability to hold him in her arms. As soon as she caressed his silky skin and gazed into his shining eyes, her nervousness disappeared.
“When can I take him home?”
“The doctor hasn't given us instructions yet. I'm guessing by the end of next week, but ask her,” the nurse responded, rushing to the baby at the next incubator.
“Are you bringing him to the condo?”
“I'm not sure. We haven't spoken about it yet.” Her face rested gently against Alex’s hair. She inhaled his sweet scent and sighed.
“Kristen! Isn't that more important than fucking right now?” Alicia whispered, her eyes furious.
“Alicia, I will, just give me a break! I don’t want to discuss this now; I just want to relax. And I told you we didn’t do it.” What she really wanted to do was cry and laugh simultaneously, but held back aware that the nurse or other mothers nearby might overhear her.
The unprovoked outburst simply increased Alicia’s irritation. With a huff, she rose, leaving Kristen alone with her guilty conscience and dark thoughts.
Upset by Alicia’s abrupt departure, she kissed Alex’s little head, clinging to him to relieve the sadness.
I had to set her straight, Alex. You don’t need to see how messed up mommy is. Unfortunately, you’ll find out soon enough.
* * *
Logan woke up groggy and horny. When he reached over to find Kristen’s side of the bed cold and empty, it pissed him off big time. He stumbled out of bed, went to pee, then quickly padded around the house, calling out to her.
Where the hell is she now?
At least she brewed coffee. After two cups, he found himself functional enough to check his phone. Nick left a long message about another meeting for the office deal. No messages from Kristen. Wringing his hands in mounting frustration, he decided to give in and phone her.
“Where are you, Krissy? I miss you,” he moaned as soon as she answered. His thoughts roamed to the previous night. It was good, even though she had resisted and wouldn’t let him penetrate her. He refused to accept the fact that she had done a lot more than she was supposed to and he may have been a little too insistent. It had been too damn long for him to refrain any longer. In his mind, he hadn’t crossed the line and was vindicated.
“I'm at the hospital with Alex,” Her head pounded, it wouldn’t stop. Maybe I should've stayed in bed with him instead, had some breakfast.
“Who took you?” He was already annoyed and had his suspicions.
“I couldn't wake you Logan, so I asked Alicia. I didn't feel good enough to go alone—”
“—Fuck, Kristen, why? You didn't try hard enough.”
“I did try. Besides, I didn't think you'd want to.” She motioned for the nurse to take the baby as her dizziness increased.
“Are you okay, Kris? You look so pale!” Alicia crouched next to her.
“I think so. Logan, I have to get some food. I feel very shaky...”
“Don’t move, wait for me there, I'm leaving now!”
“It's okay…” Before the words came out, he'd already ended the call.
* * *
When Logan arrived at the hospital Kristen and Alicia were just finishing in the cafeteria. Like usual, he acted like Alicia was invisible. She returned the favor ignoring him until she couldn’t hold back a lethal scowl any longer.
Sneering back at her, Logan trapped Kristen in a tight embrace. “Feeling better?”
“A little bit.” She tried breaking away from him without success. Frustrated and weak, she tired of fighting and gave Alicia a helpless look.
“Let's go then.” Logan shook her arm, forcing her attention back to him.
“Well if you have a ride Kris, I guess I'll take off.” Alicia rose. Kristen wanted to follow and hug her, but Logan had her boxed in.
“I'll call you later. Thanks for bringing me, Alicia.” She smiled, hoping Alicia could tell how sorry she was.
“Why do you have to have her around all the time?” he complained after Alicia left. Before she could answer, his lips covered hers.
“She's not always around, Logan. But I can always count on her, unlike you!”
“I told you to wake me! I despise having her around. I never get to be alone with you anymore.”
“Well you better get used to it because the baby will be out soon. And she's helping me, remember?”
“When's he out?” He sounded alarmed.
“Next week.” She lied, watching him closely. “And I need to know if we are staying with you.”
“What? What kinda question is that?” His voice rose to a feverish pitch, then lowered. “What do you think?”
“You keep avoiding the question, that's what I think! You never told me.”
“Ok. Let's talk about it outside.” Springing to his feet, he held out his hand and pulled her up.
When they returned to the apartment she brought it up again.
He bowed his head. “Bring him.”
Suspicious of his hasty decision, she continued pressing him. “So, you are okay with it even though—”
He cut her off “—It's his? If that's what it takes to keep you, yeah. I'm okay.” He adjusted his stance, preventing her from seeing the malice in his face.
She stepped in front of him, searching his eyes, the iciness she found, alarming. “I don't know where you're coming from, Logan. Are you going to be a father to him or not?” She moved closer.
“Why? I never had one... I'm fine!”
“But I did and we were very close. I want the same for my son.”
The passion in her voice made him shudder. She picked up on it stiffening uncomfortably. Motivated by her distress, he cupped her face, delving into her eyes. “I know that, Krissy, I was there for you when you needed me. I remember everything about your crazy family. Do you?”
“I don’t want to go there Logan, you know that!”
He seized the opportunity, sensing her fragility. “I can try to be what you want Krissy. I’ll do whatever you want, for you and you only, on one condition.” He paused, waiting for her eyes to meet his. “Promise you will never leave me.”