She squinted at him for a minute, then continued. “I know I have my own problems—my issues to sort out—I know I promised myself I would tell you about them…” She couldn’t go on.
When she paused to take a deep breath, he stiffened.
“I think we need to go to counseling. Both of us. I know you were totally against it before—”
He cut her off, his eyes alive again. “—That was before, not now. Find a good place, I'll go with you.”
His response was unexpected and left her mute.
Seizing the opportunity, he got up to sit next to her. “Are you really sorry we met? Because I'm not.” He brought his hand to her hair, holding back at first, then letting his fingers flutter through it.
She shifted in her seat, facing him full on. “No.” Her fingers gingerly brushed away the tears one by one as they sprinkled onto her cheeks.
“And…do you hate me?”
She lowered her eyes. Unable to get the words out, she shook her head.
Without waiting for her permission, he leaned in, kissing her gently at first, then with rising ardor as she responded.
“What about that divorce?” he asked when they broke free.
She was out of breath and not anxious to talk. After a couple of deep sighs, she finally answered. “I'll talk to Steven Joseph, and if he can't handle it we'll find someone here. But not yet. After he's been in prison awhile.”
“Why? If you don't wanna get married, that's okay, but why can't you end it with him?”
Here she goes again, running in circles. Despite the intense efforts to resist, it infuriated him.
“I have to know you're done with him, I can't help it Kristen.” Being extra cautious to keep his touch light and tender, he held her face. He continued scrutinizing her body language, scaring her off the last thing he wanted. She slumped back in the chair.
“I am and I was truthful to you, wasn't I? You know how hard that was for me?”
He nodded weakly, distracted by the vision of their endless fights in his mind.
It’s amazing we are still together. Am I a masochist? How many times was she really with him? Enough with the negativity, time to deal with the present and future.
His face hardened. “Talk to me.”
It was difficult and painful, but she had to do it. “Jake, you don't want me to end up in prison, do you?”
“How can you even ask me that? Are you forgetting I also covered up for you?” He didn’t want to bring it up, but all the credit she gave to Logan was adding up and driving him crazy.
“Of course not! How could I forget you lied for me? And I would have done the same thing for you in a heartbeat!”
Stunned by the fierce sincerity in her face, he remained silent.
With her throat inflamed again, she took a drink, wincing.
“All I’m saying is for a little while longer, we have to play by his rules.”
The muscles in his face flexed. “Sorry, I don’t play by anybody’s rules—”
She couldn’t give him a chance to have another outburst.
“—I didn't mean it that way! All I meant…ugh!” Damn it!
His eyes were glued on her.
“I am done with him; I’m not going near him. It just has to be all wrapped up before I can totally break away from him. I'll talk to Micky and find out how long it will take, but he doesn't know the truth, so I have to be very careful.” Sensing Jake’s distress, she cupped his hands with hers. When he looked up she met his eyes.
“Okay. But no more lies. And no sex or sneaking into the condo. I don't want him manipulating you anymore.”
Was he really manipulating her though? He buried his face in his hands, his voice muffled. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
He could tell she was withholding something. He removed his hands and raised his eyebrows, waiting.
“So we can take it one day at a time then, for now? You won't be so impatient? Please?” There was a faint glimmer in her eyes again, the dullness gone.
His mouth opened, then shut. He wanted to remind her he had been patient—it had been almost a year and he was still waiting. He tried to ignore the pockets of red in the whites of her eyes.
“Okay, okay.” He raised his hands in surrender. It wasn't worth disturbing her. He needed the glimmer in her eyes to return full force. “Anything else?”
“Do you really think I should call my mother? I was thinking I may have been too hard on her. There's some stuff she told me about my dad...” Her voice choked up.
It stunned him since she rarely mentioned her mother anymore. “Yeah, baby, she's your mom. Did you wanna tell me what she said?”
Her lips quivered, despite her best efforts to control it. “I can't really talk about it now. It's something I’ve been trying to forget all these years. I know I'll have to deal with it in therapy…”
He could see the distress right through the smile she attempted to hide behind.
I wonder if that’s a reason she’s so aggressive. Does Logan know the truth?
“Whenever you're ready, I'll be here. I'm patient.” He forced a grin, hoping she wouldn’t notice how troubled his eyes were.
Resting his forehead against hers, “This reminds me of the day we met. Remember how nervous and defensive you were? You thought I was some weird rapist, didn't you?” There was a genuine smile on his face now, the first one in a while. If I can at least get her to laugh again, then we can work on the rest.
“No—I was not scared!” It became impossible to keep a straight face and a huge smile broke through. “But you did look like a rapist!”
Without warning, her laughter died. The horrible memory of Logan dragging her from the beach, the rape, the humiliation, the pain, all burned in its place. Casting her eyes downward, she hoped Jake couldn’t see through her this time.
“Really? Well, you never know and don’t forget, I warned you—but you just couldn’t resist!” Chuckling, he was too wrapped up in the moment to notice her cringe when he pulled her up from the chair to embrace.
“Were you supposed to work today?” If I can have a few hours alone, possibly I can come to terms with everything.
“You do think about me sometimes don't you?” He laughed as she rolled her eyes. “I told him I needed the day to take care of some personal stuff. I couldn't leave you today.”
When she simply nodded, it warned him there was something else still eating her up inside. After giving her some time to bring it up, he couldn’t take it anymore. “If you have anything else you want to talk about Kris, now’s the time.”
She squirmed around, playing with her fingers. The suspense was killing him. “Well?” He gripped her hands, to get her to focus.
“Did I really trash your studio?” Ever since he mentioned it, she couldn’t shut out the memory of her tantrum in his art studio, the idea she may have destroyed what he loved so much, devastating.
When she gazed up at him, the distress in her face touched a soft spot in his soul. It was the perfect time to get back at her, to exaggerate and really upset her. His eyes softened.
“Naw, just a couple of extra tubes of paint. No big deal, baby. I have to clean up that room anyway.”