“Good. I didn’t mean to…” Saying she was sorry was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not yet. Not for anything.
It would’ve made him very happy if she apologized, but he overlooked it. At least she expressed regret. Now it was his turn. Taking a deep breath, he decided to reveal everything that was in his heart, what he hated to admit, even to himself. “I don't wanna live without you, baby. I love you too much.”
She closed her eyes, waiting for the frightening numbness to disappear once and for all.
MONDAY
LOGAN/KRISTEN
Logan was going mad; she hadn’t returned any of his texts or calls. Micky informed him about the plea deal. He needed to firm it up, but wanted to run it by her first. She had the legal experience. Time was running out. So was his patience.
Why is she avoiding me? I didn’t force her to have sex, or hurt her. I wasn’t even rough. There has to be some way to find out where she is, if she’s in trouble. I have to stay low, keep clean, I need to stay at home but I can’t…its making it so much harder.
When he closed his eyes, he gave in to his daydreams, all involving his future with Kristen.
Her passion for me is undeniable, she proves it every single time. That's why I am allowing myself to be tortured like this, isn't it?
He picked up the phone, about to try again, when her call came through.
“Krissy! Where the hell have you been? I called you a million times!” Finally, he could stop pacing, stop tearing his hair out.
“I'm sorry Logan. I think I'm coming down with the flu! I've been sick like a dog.”
Another dirty, yet necessary lie. It had been torturous avoiding him, but she promised, not just Jake and the baby, but herself.
“The flu? Oh sweetie, if you were here I'd rub you down so good.” He tried to joke around, but the truth was he couldn’t stop worrying about the outcome of his case.
She wasn’t amused. “Logan, have you heard anything about the plea bargain? Did Micky talk to the D.A.?” Alex sat in her lap, gazing up at her with sleepy eyes, a reminder to stay strong and resist temptation.
“Yeah, I have a week to give him an answer.” He ran his fingers through his hair, his increasing anxiety silencing him.
“Well…what did he say?” She straightened up in the seat, her chest tight.
“Something about pleading guilty and getting two years with a chance of getting out in six, eight months—I, I don’t really remember his exact words.” His voice was lifeless.
“Oh my god, Logan! Is he trying for less? Should I call him?” Panic swept over her.
“Yeah, Krissy, that would be really nice—so, when can I see you? The time is getting shorter, let's talk about us instead.” His tone softened into pleading. Reaching over, he grabbed his lighter and a joint from the mirrored end table. When he caught a glimpse of the scar on his cheek, it had a sobering effect.
Distressed by the silence, she squirmed under the baby’s weight on her chest. He let out tiny whimpers. “I can't, I'm sick, I have a high fever and have to stay in bed. I can't have the baby catching it.”
“Really? Who’s watching him then?”
Was he testing her? Like Jake?
She needed to stay really still so Alex would remain quiet.
“My babysitter and Jake when he's here.” She squeezed her eyes shut. Talking to him about Jake was awkward to say the least.
He winced. His sigh came out louder than he’d planned. Taking another long hit, he sucked the smoke into his lungs anxious for his nerves to settle down a little. “Why don't I come to you? How long does he stay out for?” If he wasn't so depressed, he'd be cracking himself up at the suggestion.
“Logan! That's impossible!” The baby was restless, his moans threatening to turn into wailing. Fastening the cell under her chin, she carefully lifted herself out of the chair, rocking him as she walked to the crib. A moment later, he was safe and sound, fast asleep.
With his eyes cast to the ceiling, Logan threw his head back against the chair, any hope he had in his heart fading fast.
The worst part will be not seeing her, not making love to her for one whole year. Or two! How will I survive?
“Krissy. I don't think I can do this,” he whined, his bloodshot eyes, filling with tears.
Oh please don't start crying now! “Logan, please, please don't say that, you have to! You are a lot stronger than you think. I know you are.” It was no use; the teardrops were heading down her cheeks.
Frustrated beyond belief, he rubbed his forehead, then bent over burying his head in his hands. He heard her calling him. After a few seconds he found his voice. “I can try, but only if I see you before then. I need some inspiration. Pretty soon, I'll be spending my time fighting off rapists.” The idea was surreal, bordering on irony.
Ugh— if I wasn’t so paranoid he’d turn on me…“Logan would you calm down for a minute, please? I’ll call Micky and call you right back, okay?” Other than agreeing to run to him, it was the least she could do to ease his stress and guarantee her own freedom. Cutting off his mumbled response, she took several deep breaths to build her confidence.
* * *
Micky has to still be in Miami! It can’t be too late! With her uncertainty rising, Kristen paced back and forth waiting for him to answer his cell. A scream rose in her chest. Just as she was about to give up and cry her heart out, he answered.
“Hey doll, change your mind about sunbathing?” He laughed.
How the hell do these criminal lawyers stay so calm and detached? “Actually, I'm coming down with something.” She grimaced, expecting an annoying comeback.
“Are you alone? I can help rub you down?”
Why me? “Micky, seriously, Logan's freaking out on me. Can you get a shorter plea? Two years—that's a long time! You saw him! Do you honestly think he can last that long in there?”
Micky suppressed a chuckle. It would be one less thing to worry about with her if he didn't, even though he knew it was a hopeless fantasy. “I can try my best. It's not out of the question yet. He said two, I go back with one. Maybe we can agree on eighteen months tops, or somewhere in between. He has a chance to get out sooner anyway. Did he tell you that?”
How much sooner? Whatever, I don’t have time for details. Her face lit up. “He mentioned six to eight, something like that, but he was pretty confused. Anything is better than two.”
I could never do it! She trembled at the thought.
“Yeah, well, it wouldn’t be the first time he was disoriented would it? Unless he’s playing the sympathy game again.”
“At this point, I don’t really care. Please just see what you can do. I don't want him committing suicide in there.” Or possibly changing his story, and then I’ll be the one fighting off rapists. That’s the last thing I need!
“You're not serious, are you doll? He's not that messed up is he?”
“Yes Micky, unfortunately he is.”
From the misery in her voice, he knew she meant it. “I’m on it then.”
“Wait—is this really the best way to go? How long before he goes in?” she muttered, wrestling the need to break down.