* * *
The minute Jake delved into her eyes that night, he knew something was wrong. She refused to discuss it until they returned from shopping and started making dinner. Alex was down for his nap after a feeding so Jake suggested going outside to talk. By that time the knots in his stomach provoked by the stressful day and worsened by her mysterious attitude, were killing him.
“So what's going on?”
Like usual, she was unsure how to start, so she got straight to the point.
“Logan accepted the plea deal, one year in prison for aggravated assault.” She stopped talking, waiting for his reaction and seeking the courage to continue.
Jake eyed her with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. “And?”
She didn’t answer but her turmoil was apparent. Unable to understand why she was suffering, he rubbed his forehead, quickly taking a long swig of his beer.
“Think about it like this—he's going in for something he didn't do, but doing time for what he actually did. He got away with killing Ray, didn't he?” He knew it would rile her up but was too fed up to care and couldn’t hold back.
When he reached out for her, she pulled away, her face flushed.
The look on her face told him there was more to it, stuff he wouldn't like. “What's the problem then?”
She bit her lip, inching back further on the bench. “I told you I'd be honest with you all the time, from now on, right?”
“Kristen just talk to me! Stop the games,” his voice rose higher than he wanted. Her eyes widened. Regretting it, he finished his beer in one gulp, quickly opening another. “Sorry, I had a rough day. Just tell me. I can handle it.”
Could he really, though? Doubtful, she didn't dare look at him.
“He's about to have a nervous breakdown. He wants to see me, just once more before he goes in...”
“What the fuck?” He jumped up, the beer spilling from the bottle onto his leg. He paced, aware he had to calm down no matter what. Fighting the increasing agitation, he pushed his hair back focusing on her. “Why? Every time he gets scared you have to run to him? Were you there holding his hand when he bashed Ray's skull in?”
He glared at her, remembering how many times he asked himself that exact same question. How involved was she? I wonder what she’s holding back from me, what she actually knows.
She couldn't ignore the pain in his eyes, but feared touching him. “Jake, please, I couldn't live with myself if he killed himself in there!”
He froze, staring at her in disbelief, then laughed at the irony of it. His eyes clouded. “How are you gonna survive for a year without him, Kristen? What about for the rest of your life, our life together, without him? Huh?” He stood in front of her, his face close. When her body tensed, he backed away, still watching her.
“No. It's not like that, once he's away, it will be easier. We can go on with our lives. We can start over, brand new.”
Neither of them were convinced.
His eyes narrowed as he studied the torment in her face. “Do you want me to leave? Seriously, just tell me and I'm outta here. For good. You can visit him in prison every day, camp outside and wait for him, whatever you want.”
“No, Jake that's not what I want, I mean it!” She leaped up, grabbing his arm.
For some insane reason he believed her, although he wouldn’t allow himself to yield to her demands, regardless of the cost. They were quiet for a few minutes. He thought about it, but remained unwilling to let her detect any vulnerability.
“I’m telling you I don’t want you to go Kristen. Take it from there.”
Their eyes locked, until he turned away, leaving her in a tug of war with her emotions.
What am I going to do now? I can’t lose Jake again. I know it is over with Logan, but I still have to see him one last time.
WEDNESDAY
KRISTEN
That familiar bad vibe hit Kristen the minute Cassandra opened her door. This time she sensed it was more than the woman’s peculiar attitude or the judgmental thoughts she visualized storming in her head. Despite the fact she’d confirmed the bruises were gone before she left the house, she touched her throat self-consciously. Cassandra didn’t flinch. There had to be another reason.
“I’m so sorry Kristen. I cannot watch baby Alex today.” Cassandra fidgeted in the doorway anxious to end the interaction.
It took a second for her words to have an impact on Kristen. She shifted Alex in her arms, the weight of this unexpected rejection bearing down on her. “If it has to do with last time, I promise I’ll only be gone for an hour or two. Really, I won’t be late.”
Cassandra appeared flustered, but inflexible. Raising her eyebrows for emphasis, her eyes swept over the baby’s peaceful face, before lowering. “No, I cannot. Not today. I’m so sorry.”
Unwilling to accept her decision, Kristen struggled to formulate a convincing argument. Cassandra stepped back, closing the door on them. Stunned, Kristen opened her mouth but couldn’t think of anything else to say. It was 8:00 a.m. She had four hours to come up with an alternate plan of action.
* * *
After cruising along A1A several times, the bright blue vista flashing by in front of her, Kristen finally parked along the sand. Alex was nestled in his car seat sound asleep. Taking deep breaths to steady her nerves, she stepped out into the warm afternoon sunlight.
Sinking to the side of the car, the tingling in her skin gave way to little tremors.
It’s not too late to turn around. I don’t have to go through with this.
Even with her oversized sunglasses snug on her nose, the glare was blinding. Lifting her hand up to shield her eyes, she peered into the distance at the colorful patio of The Red Sun Café. Was it her imagination or did she actually hear laughter and smell the potent aroma of their infamous café con leche? With a hint of sadness in her eyes, she recalled the times she’d almost exploded after pigging out at one of their huge buffets, the café one of her and Logan’s favorite places to go for brunch.
But that was before Alex was born. An eternity ago.
Alex’s whimpers trickled through the open passenger side window knocking her back to the present. Time to get it over with.
She decided to enter the patio dining area from the street entrance since it was easier than maneuvering the stroller through the crowded bar. Or perhaps it was because it gave her an out, the chance to take off into the street if she lost her nerve.
It wasn’t surprising that Alex was restless and alert. Lunchtime was already fifteen minutes over due. She had to laugh picturing Jake’s cranky attitude whenever he was hungry. Like father like son and if she didn’t feed Alex in the next five minutes there would be a roaring commotion that would no longer be a laughing matter.
Settling down at a partially shaded corner table, she adjusted the large umbrella and dug into the baby bag for his bottle, bringing the nipple to his lips. It failed to completely pacify him.
“You really are a momma’s boy aren’t you my little dove?”
She smiled gently caressing one of his outstretched arms, before lifting him onto her lap. Instantly he grabbed a lock of hair, his eyes content as he slurped down his lunch.