‘Veronica.’
‘Am I likely to be seeing her again?’
‘I guess that’s up to her.’
‘I thought she was OK, after my interruption. She seemed fine?’
‘She was fine. Me, less so.’
‘Oh.’
‘It happens. I could have warned you. For that I apologise. It won’t happen that way again.’
Even Damien is having sex, Freddie thought as he resumed his breakfast.
He wondered if that was a spiteful thing to think. If it was cruel to think about Damien being a generally sexless person. He was only a year or two older than Freddie, but behaved with all the seriousness of someone in their forties. Freddie realised that until that point he’d always fancied himself the ‘cool’ one in the flat. At a push, the more good-looking one. It stung to realise that Damien was capable of making more headway with a sex life, even if it had been interrupted by his virgin flatmate.
He thought about Kate again. About her offer, and about agreeing to her offer. He could get it over with. He didn’t have to feel like a loser any more, could finally gain access to that special club that every single other adult on the planet already had unlimited membership to. It could be easy. Afterwards, he wouldn’t be a virgin any more. And if he could get that one aspect of his life sorted out, then maybe everything else could be sorted out after?
He could do this.
He had to do it.
‘Damien,’ Freddie started. ‘Can I ask you something?’
His flatmate just looked at him, and took another loud sip of his coffee.
‘Say you’re about to sleep with a girl. It’s all consensual and great and you like each other, but it’s your first time together. How do you . . . prepare?’
‘What exactly are you asking me?’
‘I’m just curious,’ Freddie explained hurriedly. ‘It’s been a while for me, and it’s never gone well in the past, but I don’t know, it feels like things are looking up. I suppose what I’m asking is, what do girls expect nowadays?’
‘That’s a big question.’
‘I know.’
‘Depends on the girl.’
‘I know that too.’
‘Have you discussed protection methods?’ he said it with the seriousness of a tax collector.
‘Not yet.’
‘Well, if you don’t have the chance to ask first, then maybe buy a selection? Something you’d like, something you think she’d like. Scented, flavoured, textured . . .’
‘Right,’ Freddie mumbled, blushing now. He wished that he hadn’t asked.
‘You might want to see documentation too.’
‘Documentation?’
‘Blood test results, letters from the doctor.’ When Freddie looked confused, Damien continued: ‘STIs. Diseases. You don’t want to get caught out.’
‘I’m not sure that’s going to be an issue for us.’
‘It’s an issue for everyone, Freddie,’ Damien warned.
‘I was thinking more, y’know, in the bedroom. What do girls like?’
‘Have you asked her?’
‘No, but I will. I definitely will. But your insight might be good too?’ This was the longest and friendliest conversation he’d had with Damien for ages, and it seemed a shame to shut it down when the information might be so useful.
‘Well, you have your standards: missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl . . .’
This was OK. Freddie knew what those were.
‘And then there are your more . . . unconventional positions. The frog, the teacup, the handbag.’
‘You’re making those up.’
‘Am I, Freddie? Am I?’
Damien tipped his espresso cup all the way back and afterwards made a loud, gratified sound.
‘What’s her name?’ Damien asked.
‘Kate,’ Freddie said.
‘Well, just give me warning if she’s going to be over. We both know what happens if you don’t.’
Freddie saluted as Damien left the kitchen and went back to his room, then he quickly washed up his bowl and spoon and got ready to leave for work.
There was a couple sitting opposite Freddie on the train. They both seemed tired; she had her head rested on his shoulder while he was looking down at his phone. Then, at one point, he tilted his head so that he could see her, and she reached up and kissed him. It was a tender moment and one that gave Freddie an odd fluttery feeling in his chest. He imagined being in his place, with an affectionate partner he was happy to kiss whenever the opportunity arose. He wanted that, he realised.
Kate had made it clear that it wasn’t what she wanted though; at least, not with him. But he was starting to hope that this would be what made their arrangement easier. His mind trailed back to his date with Mia, how much better he had felt being around her once he realised that romance was off the table. He’d been able to relax. The pressure had been lifted.
Freddie tried to imagine that this was a similar situation. That because he and Kate had discussed what they wanted to happen and formally agreed that it wasn’t a romantic thing, that the pressure should be off here too.
But he still felt the pressure regardless.
He looked at the couple sitting across from him on the train and starting daydreaming that the girl who sat next to him, with her head on his shoulder, had long blonde hair.
Chapter 16
‘So he’s coming over? Tonight?’ Lindsey’s eyes were big on Kate’s phone screen.
‘You’re going to try and talk me out of it, aren’t you?’
‘You think I’m going to talk you out of inviting round a guy you like? Who seems to like you back? To sleep with?’
‘But we’re not a couple. It’s not romantic. Isn’t that weird?’
‘Let’s try that again. Do I think that two people who like each other having consensual sex is weird? Really Kate?’ Lindsey was trying not to laugh.
‘Don’t make fun of me!’ Kate said, trying not to laugh with her.
‘Look,’ Lindsey’s face changed then, thoughtful. Kate wished that she was in the room with her so that she could better read her friend’s body language, pick up on the signals. She hated having such an intimate discussion when they were separated by thousands of miles. ‘Do I wish you were in a loving relationship? Of course, I do. Do I wish that things had worked out differently for you, that your path had been clearer, or easier maybe, up to this point? Sure. But this is where we are. I just want the best for you. I want you to be happy.’
‘Now you’re sounding soppy.’
‘Seriously, Kate. I have no problem with you doing this tonight, if that’s what you want. I’m just wondering if it is what you want. Because I’ve known you for a long time. Don’t do this because you think that you have to, because you’ve arranged it and don’t want to back out. Do it because it feels right – for both of you.’
Kate could feel tears springing to her eyes and hoped that her phone camera wasn’t good enough for Lindsey to notice.
‘I like Freddie. He’s kind, he’s cute and it’s easy to be with him, plus he seems to like me back.’