“Thank you,” he mumbled against my ear making my eyes drift close. His strength soaked into me along with the rain.
Lost in the tranquility of the moment, I felt so reborn. Reborn in love. Nothing I dreamed of measured to this moment. The whole experience left me feeling high and liberated.
“Why are you thanking me?”
His arms tightened around me; lips glued to my ears. “Experiencing intimacies this high isn’t normal for me. Compared to how I live I need moments like this with your softness to balance my demons and darkness. Violence called me her lover before I ever knew her name. I never asked for her. Never wanted her.
But this.” His lips kissed up and down my neck. My hips swayed into his body.
“Pursuing a future with you is what I desire now. The reality of it haunts me, Krishna. Tomorrow, well later on today, my world will call. Sucking me back into her sponges of sin. Already I thought of how I can walk away from it all and live a life of peace with you. So many people depend on me and you have so much to accomplish, but I promise when the time comes, I’ll only be selfish with you.”
Nothing else needed to be said. The message was received loud and clear. I felt content with his words and would cherish them.
Hold myself to them.
Amell
She slept peacefully. Drool all on her cheek. Already I knew she had stingy tendencies by the way she hoarded all the covers. I laid her down in the bed after she showered and changed into clean pajamas hours ago. Removing myself from her reach took quite a while. Every time I thought she was deep in the realm of her slumber her hands would go searching until they came in contact with my skin. Then she’d release a satisfied sigh that lit a fire under my ass to get out and moving.
Being here changed so many things for me. The main one being the type of woman I wanted. I never took much thought into it because I believed this type of intimacy would never be for me. Funny how this young girl changed all that in a few hours.
Enemies in the streets and bullets, those things didn’t place fear in my heart. But her, she terrified me. Too many times I seen with my own two eyes the downfall of an empire and a man behind a woman. Family were easy targets when jealousy and envy had a seat in the game. Enemies had no problem fucking your girl or doing worst by killing her just to make you hand over territory.
I refused to bring that type of heartache to Mitch and Clover’s doorstep. They’ve done far and beyond for me to deliver that type of betrayal all because I fancied their daughter. Mitch had every right to put a bullet in my chest if I ever came to him about her. Telling her it wasn’t our time was the coward way of me telling her that we would never be. There wasn’t a place for her in life, and I damn sure ain’t about to create one.
Nesha’s death had scared me from bringing another person into my world. She may not have died because of me but she died because I refused to save her. What if that was Krishna? Her calling and me ignoring because she pissed me off earlier that day.
That’s a type of trauma I’m not equipped to handle.
Mahogany asked for my attention outside of the bed we shared whenever I shared my space with her. She begged me to meet her friends and see her as more than a piece of gushy walls when I needed some pussy. I sent her packing instead of seeing what all she had to offer me.
The tides changed and I was now the one flying across the states to see a woman who I had no business dealing with. Asking and pleading with her to give me one night of her peace.
I liked everything about Krishna. Her sass and bold attitude. When she pulled that gun on me I had it in my right mind to dump my seeds in my womb and watch them grow. I couldn’t taint her image or shatter her dreams. She was too pure for that and deserved better.
“When you need me, I’ll come to you. Until that time comes, I’m asking you to let me go. Don’t seek me out, Krishna. The love you have for me deserves to be reciprocated at a notch that will always leave you breathless.” Hovering over her sleeping frame I spoke with my lips pressed against hers. Each time she exhaled I wanted her to breath in my promises.
“Conquer the world, baby girl. Leave your sand print in the sand for all to see. One day I’ll be ready for you and I pray God keeps you hidden until then.” I wished she were awake to kiss me back. I settled on the smile she gave in her sleep. Carried away by the flavor of her lips I pulled her bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it. Suckled like she pacified my overly growing desires. She began to stir, making me let go and leave out.
When Krishna grew into her full potential of a woman, she was going to be a problem, and I hoped and prayed that when that time came, I was still the keeper of her heart.
Chapter 7
Krishna
Some Years Later
“Cheers to being thick and fine, independent, and winning teacher of the year.” Clinks of wine glasses sounded around the table. “All jokes aside, Kris, I’m proud of all that you’ve accomplished. Graduating with your doctorate at the top of your class. Buying your first condo. I mean, sis, you’re glowing and it’s not even midnight.” Noelani winked, making me blush. “Happy Birthday my love.”
Words have failed me most of the day since I woke up this morning to not only a large bouquet of my favorite flowers, Phalaenopsis Orchids, but the entire poetry collections of Langston Hughes, Tony Morrison, Nikki Giovanni, Angela Davis, and Maya Angelou. These were limited editions that were signed copies from the date they were originally released. Expensive and original.
Yesterday I received all of the Madea stage plays. On Facebook about a month ago I mentioned, jokingly, that if someone gifted them to me along with a few poetry books, I’d love them forever. When the delivery came the note attached took my breath away.
I don’t want you to love me forever.
I want you to love me till the day after forever.
If that didn’t tell me who sent them then the black and red roses surely gave Amell away. Every year Amell finds me wherever I am and sends a gift that blows my mind. He’s never missed a birthday or graduation of any sort. Any pivotal moment in my life he made it known that he was proud of me. He may not have physically shown up, but he made sure that I knew he never forgot.
“Thank y’all so much for coming out here to celebrate with me. Tell daddy he owes me for missing my birthday and sending you instead.” Playfully I nudged my mom.
Things between her and I were great. Really great. Daddy finally retired and Amell stepped in, which meant they loosened up on the hiding me as their child.
Well, not really, but they were more laxed on public places. The unknown of what Amell and my father faced always haunted me but when I found out that Amell had stepped into the position of being in charge I was petrified. Though I hadn’t laid eyes on him since that beautifully rainy night, not a day went by that my thoughts weren’t on him.
“I have a gift for you. The gentlemen over there at the bar asked me to give this to you.” Our waitress placed a bottle of Mod Sélection Champagne on the table causing a round of oouu’s and ahh’s.
“Hmhm, Krish. Do you see that man? He is fine.” Noelani made it so obvious that we were talking about him.