Picking up JD I walked out of the bakery not once worried about if she followed behind me or not. By the time I finished getting him strapped in the back seat she was sitting so elegant in the passenger seat with her ankles crossed, posture straight, and hands in her lap. That damn smile, what reason did she have to smile? Wasn’t shit funny.
We reached Bass Park in thirty minutes. I had the radio playing low enough for me to hear my thoughts and JD snoring. When I placed the car in park alongside the basketball court, she frowned a little until her eyes recognized her sons. Atlas ran back and forth playing ball with a few kids from the neighborhood and Cassian did what he does best flirt with some girl by a tree like no one can see them.
That boy stressed me on a daily. Worrying about whether or not he got into a fight or some girl pregnant. He thought it was a damn joke when I gifted him four large boxes of condoms for his birthday.
We sat there watching them. More so me watching her reaction to seeing her sons after all these years. Her tears had my hands itching to reach under my seat and pull out my burner.
“Atlas is making a name for himself. He has a strong passion for herbal practices. Since a youth he started making his own vitamins and teas for the people in our neighborhood. Now that he’s in high school, he managed to create his own chemist lab and once he graduates, I plan on gifting him his own building.” I still remember the little boy who clung to me as a child who refused to sleep in his own bed. Not much had changed over the years other than he now preferred his own privacy but he was indeed my shadow.
“Cassian is special in his own right. I’ll have a head full of grey before I turn thirty because of that boy. His joking nature has saved us more than he knows. He’s obsessed with cars. Donks mostly. He’ll get one when he graduates high school. A shop too. They both deserve the world and as long as I’m living, they’ll get it.”
Reaching into her purse she took out tissue to dab her eyes. “I apologize for everything, Amell. I’m so…ahhh.”
With my hand on the trigger I waited for JD’s snores to continue. Her screams caused him to jump in his sleep only pissing me off more. “What are you crying for?” My anger began to flare up. “Come on now, Gail. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out the truth about your true intentions on seeking us out?” Throwing the folder at her, I pulled the trigger making her cry in her hands. “Since you wanna play games with our feelings, my feelings, I’m going to play a little game of Russian Roulette with your life. Each time you lie I’m pulling the trigger. Now there are only nine rounds in this gun and one bullet. We’re already down to seven. Think wisely.”
Snot dripped from her nose as she tried to gather herself. “I-I wanted to apologize for what I did. For leaving my boys. Agghhh. Please don’t kill me.”
“Six shots left, Gail.” I glanced at a still sleeping JD in the rearview mirror.
“Okay. Okay.” She held her hands up like they had the power to stop my bullets. “I had you looked up because I need help. My husband passed away and left me nothing. Everything went to his children. All I have is what’s in my savings and that’s starting to dwindle. I-I…” I needed to hear the rest. I wanted the blasphemy to come out of her mouth.
“I thought maybe you’d help me. Thought enough time passed and you stopped hating me so much. Regardless of what happened in the past I’m still your mother. Oh my God, please don’t.” Her ugly truth had done it. Quickly pushed me closer to the edge of falling and making her my next victim.
“Still your mother, huh? Still my mother. Still my mother. Enough time should’ve passed.” Every other word I pulled the trigger. Wishing and praying that the one I had in the chamber would end her life. The stench of her urine made my stomach weak.
I took the highway instead of the main road back. She had intentions of using me. She never genuinely wanted to build a relationship with me. She never wanted to get to know them. What if I had let her in our lives, in their lives, she’d manipulate them to give her what she only cared for. Fucking money.
“Get the fuck out.” We were at least seven exits from where I needed to go but I couldn’t drive in the same car with her anymore. I couldn’t sit and breathe the same air as her anymore. I felt like I was about to lose my mind and do something unforgivable with JD in the car. He was my only hope of leaving the situation in my right mind.
“Wh-what.” Her frantic eyes skated up and down the busy highway. At least I had the last bit of decency to pull over on the side of the road.
“I have a rule about pulling my gun. I really don’t like to honestly. Pulling my guns means it’s final. That I find your life meaningless. I pulled the trigger on you eight times and not once did that one bullet leave the chamber. God is sparing me. Not you, but me.” Making sure she saw my truth; I waved the gun in her face. “If you ever contact me, I’ll torture you and make you wish that I killed you on this day. If you ever contact my brothers, I will make you wish that you never laid down and opened your fucking legs to create me. If I ever see you, you’re going to wish you never had eyes to see me with. Now get the fuck out my car and out of my life.”
Taking heed to my warning she snatched up her purse and fled from my car. A round wet circle was all that was left of her. I had to drop JD off. While he kept me from really doing bodily harm, my mindset had gone to a place that I never let anyone witness. The pain of her truth on top of everything else I had going on. I needed to go off the grid.
“Amell.” JD stirred in his seat.
“What’s up, little man?”
“What’s that smell?”
Chapter 6
Krishna
Sleepless nights had become a norm for me. At first I thought it had to do with living alone since I kicked Beck and her trifling ass out. Nights turned into frustrated and agitated days. I even asked my uncle to write me a prescription for antidepressants thinking I had some form of depression. This insomnia was kicking my ass and beginning to show in my schoolwork. Next month I took my last finals as a junior. I had no room to start slacking.
Once I came back from Florida the Dean at UCLA summoned me. He questioned my whereabouts on the morning the video had been leaked. Once I showed him that I was indeed in Florida and had even gone to campus before I left, he crossed my name off the list of people who might’ve done such a cruel thing to our beloved star quarterback.
As far as I’m concerned Gavin and Beck could kiss my black ass and I made that clear once I got back. My Uncle asked if my insomnia came from a broken heart at their betrayal. Not even close. I felt pained by what they did but not enough to affect me like this.
“Krishna, I’m sorry. We never meant to hurt you.”
“Baby, she doesn’t mean anything to me. I don’t love her. It was only sex.”
“You do love me. You told me that I was all you need and that she never makes time for you, Gavin. Krishna, I’m sorry that you had to find out like this but we’re in love.”
“Krishna, baby, I swear this bitch is delusional. Why would I leave you for her? She does nothing for me. You’re everything to me.”
Both of them were waiting for me when David and I arrived at my apartment. One pointed the blame and the other wanted to play out a script from Fatal Attraction. While they argued for me to believe them, David called a moving company to help Beck move her shit. Still high off my conversation with Amell, I kept it classy. I told Beck I don’t care where she went but she had to get the hell out, and I made sure that Gavin knew if he ever contacted me again, he’d have to deal with David.