“Have you ever thought about counseling?”
Out of all things I said he comes back with counseling.
“Really, Mitch?” I frowned.
“I’m serious, Amell. All those things you feel tie into your past as a child. Back to when you became the caregiver to your brothers. Growing up before your time isn’t easy. You’ve endured some real shit that will affect anyone. Often, we don’t think that our childhood will play a role in our relationships when really it’s the opposite. Our relationships will sink if we don’t face those childhood traumas.” Therapy never came to my mind. I had nothing against it either. Trusting a stranger with my secrets, my deepest, darkest thoughts. That’s one hell of a gamble on my life to play with for the sake of dealing with childhood trauma.
“Back to my daughter. Krishna thinks I don’t pay attention, but I always have plus her mother and I don’t have secrets. She told me about her crush on you when she was a young girl. She also told me what you did for her on the night of her birthday. I’ve always known, but I also knew you’d come to me when you were ready. Damn sure didn’t think it would take this long.” He and I both laughed.
“Do you trust me to take care of her?” That’s all I needed to know.
He held his hand out for me to shake. “If I didn’t trust you, you’d been dead before you went to see her that night all those years ago.”
Damn…
Chapter 12
Krishna
He upgraded his Tahoe to a supercharged Dodge Ram truck with these super-duper big tires. A large truck for a large man. Four months ago, I stopped taking my birth control. The night he popped my cherry he made it clear that he didn’t want us to have any barriers, and up until four months ago I thought differently. He didn’t want to use condoms, fine. No birth control, uh yes.
It’s one thing to be submerged in love but it was another to be careless and push my dreams to the side all because I wanted to feel the warmth of his seeds floating in my gut. I never told him that I was on the pill. Refused to have that conversation because I knew he’d try to persuade me with suaveness and then…boom! I’m pregnant.
We finally reached the point of not living in secrecy. Ain’t no way in the hell was I going to get pregnant and lie to my parents about who shot up my womb.
“I missed you all day. Did you miss me?”
He and I were standing in the middle of his driveway gazing at one another.
After being apart for six long years I finally laid my eyes on my best friend.
Noelani was home and the first place we went was to a pizzeria.
We talked. We cried. We caught up. We shared. We remembered.
The corner of his lips lifted in a smirk. His eyes were low, really low. Amell wasn’t an everyday smoker. He burned up whenever he became too stressed. JD had been MIA and I knew that stressed him more than anything.
“I miss you even when you’re sleeping on my chest.” Talk about making a girl swoon. I prayed I never stopped pinning over him. That our love would last past the end of time.
“Are we going in?” I appreciated lusting over him in the moonlight, but I wanted to do some explicit things that I knew he didn’t want his brothers or security guards to see if they drove by.
“No. I need a few necessities and so do you.” He pushed off his go-cart and hit the unlock button on his truck.
Were we about to…go out in public together?
“We’re going together?” I raised my brow. “Like out in the open…together?”
Holding my door, he nodded his head for me to get in. “Get in, Gazelle, before I change my mind.”
Squealing, I skipped all happy to his truck. Once I reached him, I jumped in his arms and kissed all over his face. If I was one of those women who posted every breathing moment of their lives on social media this would be the top moment of them all. Granted it was ten o’clock at night and the only place opened at this hour was either Target or Walmart, but this, us going out in public, it was huge. Baby steps but a small gesture.
And I know it has nothing about Amell wanting to keep me hidden or being ashamed of me. There were sooo many critical factors that played into the dynamics of our relationship. The main one being a potential threat on my life if someone ever connected the dots on who my parents were.
I made him blush by refusing to give his face room to breathe from all the ogling I did watching him drive. Amell is so damn sexy and mysterious. Sitting next to him I admired his whole physique. Even the way he gripped the steering wheel and made turns was sexy. Of course, his security team wasn’t but two cars behind tailing us. Their presence wasn’t because of him but for my safety.
I loved that about him. He always made sure that I was safe. That I was always okay and taken care of.
“This is exciting to you, huh?” He grabbed my hand and winked.
Walking through the sliding doors of Walmart I grinned from here to the moon. “Yes,” I gushed. “We’ve never been on a real date, you do realize that, right? This is big for us.”
Amell wasn’t a man to wear his emotions on his sleeve or willingly tell me how he felt without me damn near on the verge of begging. However, after I made the comment about this being our first date, his whole demeanor changed. His hand in my grasp stiffened. Eyes narrowed and became more menacing. People walking by us pushing their carts took one look his way and damn near ran into shelves trying to go the other way.
The looming threats and dangers of being in the streets kept us introverted, and to be honest I loved it. I had him all to myself without the interruption of others. Out of the two of us he’s the most romantic, surprisingly. He brought any theme of date to life in the comfort of our private space.
Some people might say that I’m settling, I called it compromising.
If I wanted to be with a man of his nature, I had to understand and be okay with everything that came with him.
“Don’t go in here buying a basket of unnecessary stuff, Krishna.” He just had to say my name, so I knew that he’s being serious. “We need one toothbrush, egg whites, pecans, mangos, vegetables, and whatever you need.” He read off the list on his phone.
“Okay, I hear you.”
We had fun, well I had fun testing his limits by hiding behind aisles and jumping out when he came looking for me. Starting a nerf gun war in the toy aisle. Instead of getting mad at me like I thought he would’ve done, he snatched my gun and chased me shooting. Both of us laughing and having fun, not giving a care of anyone giving us dirty looks.
“Why do we need all of those?" He pointed to the pack of toothbrushes I had in my hand.
"You can have yours and I'll have mi... " I never finished my sentence. Instead I dropped my head to hide my crimson cheeks.
"What did I tell you that I wanted?" He was closer than I remembered, speaking low and husky in my ear.
Lifting my head, I stared back into eyes that held the key to my heart. "That you wanted all of me. Flaws first, fears second, and happiness last."
He leaned down hovering his lips over mine. "We only need one brush. I drink your pussy for breakfast, and you suck my dick for lunch. It's our mixed saliva that's feeding us for dinner." He kissed me letting his lips linger. "We share one brush." He stared me down until I put the pack back and got a single. Ever since I used his that one time, he’s been fixated on us sharing. While he pushed the basket to the register, I texted Noelani and asked her to pick me up a travel toiletry kit that I could hide in my purse.