“How far along were you?” she asked softly.
“Almost nine weeks.” I closed my eyes and tried to stop crying. “I was supposed to have my two month check up on Friday.” Jay and I had planned on going to the appointment to hear the baby’s heartbeat and figure out how I could get one cup of coffee a day.
Now none of that was going to happen.
A fresh set of tears stung my eyes.
“Do you need anything right now?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I just wanna sleep.” When I slept, I didn’t have to feel anything. I didn’t have to think about the baby being gone. I didn’t have to wonder about what was going to happen with Jay and me.
If I slept, I didn’t have to think or feel anything.
Mama helped me lie back down, and she pulled the covers up to my chin. “Are you sure there isn’t anything you need?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine.” The only thing I needed was my baby and Jay, but neither one of them were mine anymore.
*
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jay
“We’re gonna head out, bro.”
I grabbed the cup of coffee from under the coffeemaker and lifted it my lips.
After Susan had come home and surprised the hell out of all of us, Remy and Harlyn had fallen back asleep in the chair for a couple of hours while I laid on the couch wide awake.
Susan didn’t come back down after going up the stairs, and I was left there wondering what was going on with Delaney.
Now it was after eight in the morning, and I still had no idea what the hell was going on. It had been over twenty-four hours since my world had crashed down on me, and I had never felt so lost in my life.
“Uh, let Roc know I don’t know when I’ll be back to work.” I had to eventually go back to life, but right now, I couldn’t walk into Cummings Racing and act like everything was fine.
“Don’t even worry about it, Jay. I’ll handle Roc.” Harlyn gave me a hug and a sad smile. “Take however long you need.”
They walked out the front door, and I leaned against the kitchen counter.
“And then there was one.” Susan walked down the steps and into the kitchen. “I could use a cup of coffee. Sleeping in that chair in Delaney’s room isn’t really comfortable.”
I grabbed a coffee cup from the cabinet and popped a pod into the maker. I knew exactly what chair she was talking about, and she was right. That chair was not meant for sleeping in. “Uh, everything okay?” I asked.
Susan leaned against the counter in front of me and sighed. “No, not at all, but it will be.”
That was what I kept telling myself but it was hard to believe. I waited for the cup to fill and then I handed it to Susan. “I don’t really know what to say.”
She grabbed the cup and held it with both hands in front of her. “I don’t think there is anything you can really say at times like these.”
“I’m sorry.” That was all I had.
“I don’t know why you and Delaney say that to me. I’m the one who should be sorry. You lost something important and are hurting.”
I cleared my throat and picked up my cup. “I just meant I’m sorry we didn’t tell you before…before this happened.”
“Jay, do me a favor, and don’t worry about me.” She pointed up at the ceiling. “Worry about the woman up there who is completely destroyed and wrecked right now.” She then pointed her finger at me. “Just like you.”
I shook my head. “I’m not worried about me. No one needs to worry about me either. Delaney is the only thing that matters.”
“Good answer,” she whispered. She took a sip of her coffee then sighed. “But then why are you down here and she’s up there?”
*
Delaney
I heard a cup set down on the nightstand, and I opened my eyes. “Mama?” I called.
“No.”
I closed my eyes and gasped.
Jay was in my room.
“Brought you a cup of coffee.”
Coffee sounded good. Coffee with Jay, I wasn’t too sure about.
I heard him drag the chair from under my desk over to the bed, and he sat down. “I’m here, Delaney. I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly.
“Okay,” I said softly. It wasn’t okay, though. None of this was okay.
I didn’t know what was what anymore or why Jay would still be here.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk right now, and I get that, but when you do want to talk, cry, or scream, I’m going to be here.”
Again, he was here with the right words, but he didn’t need to be. He didn’t need to be here at all. The thing holding us together was gone.
“You don’t need to do this, Jay,” I whispered.
He sighed heavily. “I know, Del.”
“Then why are you?”
“I don’t think you’re ready for that answer.”
I opened my eyes and slowly sat up. “What?” Jay looked tired. He was still wearing the same clothes as when we went to the hospital, and there was a good day's worth of scruff on his face.
“Right now, you don’t need to worry about why I’m here or what I’m doing.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. You don’t need to be here, Jay. You can go home.”
He shook his head. “I’m gonna do what I want, and right now, I want to be here,” he stated simply.
“There isn’t anything here for you anymore.” It was over. It was all done. “My mom is home, and she can take care of me if I need anything.” I wasn’t going to need anything, though. I was already feeling better physically, and I figured by Monday, I would back to school and work. Back to my normal before Jay and the baby.
“She went to lay down. She was up all night with you and needed some rest.”
Oh, duh. I hadn’t even thought about how tired she must be. “Well, I’ll be fine while she sleeps.” I was a med student, after all. I knew how to take care of myself and didn’t need Jay to stand guard.
“I’m not leaving, Delaney.”
I laid back down and pulled the blanket over my head. “Do whatever you want, Jay. I’m going back to sleep.”
I closed my eyes and waited for him to argue with me.
“Whatever you want, Del. I’ll be here when you wake.”
He could be there when I woke up, but after a few days, he wouldn’t be there anymore.
I didn’t get why he was doing this. He was putting off the inevitable of fading away.
He just needed to leave now and stop torturing me.
Jay Perez wasn’t mine to keep.
*
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jay
“Go home.”
My eyes popped open, and Susan was standing over me.
“What?” I croaked.
“You need to get some sleep, Jay. Go home and come back in the morning.”
“But Delaney.” I looked at the bed and saw it was empty.
“She’s in the shower.”