I wiped my tears and sat back on the couch. “Mama said something the same.”
“I know it’s hard to see right now, Delaney, but you gotta know things get better. You go back to living, and each day, you think about it a little bit less.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget this, Mave. I wanted this baby.”
She patted my leg. “I know you won’t, sweetie. I’m not saying you will. I’m saying it’s going to get easier to live with. Something wasn’t right and the baby wasn’t meant to be. Maybe this was God's way of showing you and Jay you were supposed to be together but not ready to have a baby?”
“I know all of this, Mave. It doesn't make it any easier, but I’m not so sure about the baby bringing Jay and I together.”
“What is Jay doing now? Did he runaway?”
I sighed. “Being amazing. Coming over every day. Texting me in the morning when he wakes up, calling before he goes to bed.”
“How is he feeling about losing the baby?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Probably the same way I am.”
“Probably?” she asked. “He hasn’t talked about it?”
“Uh, neither of us have really talked about it.” It was too hard for me to talk about. The only reason I could manage to talk about it with Mave is because she knew what I was going through.
“He’s going through this too, Delaney. He also lost his baby.”
Tears flooded my eyes. “I know, Mave,” I sobbed.
“Then talk to him, Delaney. You can’t keep shutting him out. It’s not helping either of you.”
“I’ve been telling her the same damn thing.” Mom stood at the foot of the stairs with her hands on her hips.
“I thought you were unpacking,” I chuckled.
“I was, but I needed more fluffy nuts.”
Mave giggled and even I realized how ridiculous that name was. “I think they’re called fluffer nutters, Mom. Not fluffy nuts.”
“I like my name better,” she huffed. She grabbed the plate off the coffee table and walked into the kitchen. “Also, Christy called. She’s on her way home with her sister. I need to pick them up from the airport in a couple of hours. I was wondering if you wanted to take the ride with me.”
I hadn’t been outside of the house since I came home from the hospital. “I…uh…”
“How are you feeling physically?” Mave asked. “Any soreness?”
I shook my head. I had taken about four showers in the past forty-eight hours to help with the soreness and the few Tylenol I had swallowed had helped with any residual pain. “My pain level is a one.”
“That’s good. I’m glad they decided to do a D&C right away. Risk of infection is zero when they do that. I think it will be good for you to get out of the house.” Mave stood up and smiled wide. “Doctor’s orders for you to go with your mom.”
“Oh, is that how it is?” I laughed. It was the first time I had genuinely felt a slight hint of happiness.
“Sure is. You’re not going to start healing inside by sitting on the couch drowning in your sorrow.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me off the couch. “Go with your mom and then think about going to talk to that handsome man of yours.”
I would do the first thing she suggested, but I wasn’t too sure about going to talk to Jay. There were so many things I was feeling when it came to him, and one of those things I wasn’t ready to face yet.
Maybe in time, I could accept what I was feeling, but right now, it was too much to handle.
*
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jay
Two bouquets of roses.
Six jars of queso.
Three bags of soft pretzels.
Four gallons of ice cream.
Delaney’s freezer and pantry were stocked with all of her favorites, but I wasn’t any closer to getting her to talk to me.
It had been a week since that night in the hospital, and I was packing up to head out to Colorado for the Mile High race.
I had stopped by the house before heading to the shop today, and I just caught Delaney as she was getting into her car. I had asked her if the SUV was running good, and she had just nodded. A few sentences of small talk and then she was in the car and backing out of the driveway. I had mentioned I would be out of town all weekend and all she had done was tell me to have a good trip.
Delaney was driving me insane.
I didn’t know how to get to her. She was standing in front of me, looking like she always did, but she had built up a wall around her that kept me at arm's length. Hell, I couldn’t even get within arm’s reach of her.
“Trailer ready?” Roc hollered.
I finished closing the doors of the trailer and gave Roc a thumbs up.
“Good. Now get in my office.”
Oh hell. What had I done now? I really didn’t want to deal with Roc chewing my ass about something that didn’t really matter.
I trudged into the office, wiping my hands on a shop towel.
“Hey, Jay,” Harlyn called. “All ready for the weekend?” she asked.
I plastered a smile on my face. “Ready to win.” It was easier to act like I was okay then have to tell everyone I felt like I was dying inside.
“Shut the door behind you,” Roc grunted when I walked into his office.
I closed the door and sat down in the chair in front of his office.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.
I looked around. “Uh, not really sure what you mean, Roc?” Normally, when I got called into Roc’s office, I knew what I was going to get my ass handed to me for, but right now, I didn’t know what the hell was going on.
“Why in the hell are you here, son?” he barked.
“Uh, because I need a job and a paycheck?” Roc could be random as hell sometimes—his pep talks at the beginning of races were proof of that—but normally, you could tell where he was coming from. I was completely lost.
“I mean why the hell are you coming to the race this weekend?”
Because there wasn’t anywhere else for me to be. Delaney never told me to leave, but I could tell she was relieved when I walked out the door. I had somehow become a burden to her. “Because it’s my job, sir.”
“I’m gonna be blunt here with you, kid, because I don’t think you have a clue in the world what you’re doing right now.” Roc rested his hand on his desk. “You have a woman you should be with right now and not this race team.”
“I’ve been with her the past week, Roc. She doesn’t want me. I think I’m a reminder of the baby.” That was the only thing I could come up with when I tried to figure out why Delaney didn’t want to talk to me or even seem to want me around.
“She tell you that?” he asked.
I shook my head. “She doesn’t talk to me, sir, about more than the weather, her mom, or her car.” I had tried plenty times to get her to say something to me about what had happened but she would shut down and change the subject.
“Me and Harlyn’s mama never talked. I was gone more than I was around.”
Those rumors had floated around the shop when Harlyn came to work for Cummings Racing. “Yes, sir.”