“Because why would you stay?” she blurted out. “I don’t have anything you want.”
I jerked back at her blunt words. “You don’t have anything I want? What was it before you had that was keeping me?”
“The baby,” she hissed. “You were only there because you were trying to make things work for the baby.”
“I was?” I didn’t expect that to be her answer. “So now that you’re not pregnant, you don’t think we can be together.”
She shook her head. “I never said that.”
“Uh, yeah, Del, that is exactly what you said.”
She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. “You can really sit there and tell me that you didn’t start coming over because of the baby? That if I hadn’t found you to tell you about the baby that I would have had a shot with you?”
I didn’t know if she would or wouldn't have had a shot. I had been an idiot before Delaney had flipped my world upside down, thinking I was a one-and-done guy. Which I had been until Delaney. “That’s the thing, Del, I can’t tell you what would have happened if you wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I don’t care what would have happened because I know what did happen.”
“And what happened was I lost the baby.” She moved to stand up, and I grabbed her hand.
“You’re not running from me, Del,” I growled. I was done with the running and not talking.
“This is hard for me, Jay,” she choked out.
“And you think all of this was easy on me?”
She shook her head. “No, I never said that.”
I threaded my fingers through hers. “Then don’t act like you were the only one who lost something.” I let go of her hand and sat back in my chair.
“Jay, I’m sorry I didn’t…I just couldn’t…"
“I don’t want an apology, Delaney. All I want is for you to realize I lost something too that night. I imagined a future with you and our baby. I pictured you holding our baby in your arms, rocking him to sleep while I sat next to you. The three am diaper changes. The crying at all hours of the night. I wanted those too. I wanted that baby just as much as you did, and I can’t stand losing the baby and you. I won’t lose you both.”
There it was.
I wasn’t going to give Delaney up.
*
Delaney
I think Jay had just blown straight to the point faster than I ever had before.
“Okay.” Yeah, that was all I had to say.
Mave and Mom had both touched on me not thinking about what Jay was going through. And to be honest, I hadn’t really thought about it.
“Okay, Del? That’s all you’ve got for me?”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I killed our baby, Jay. I was the one who was supposed to keep him safe, and I couldn’t do it.” I opened my eyes, and Jay’s handsome face was fuzzy and blurred from my tears. “I don’t want to be around you because I don’t want you to hate me like I hate myself.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me from my chair. He weaved in and out of the tables of the restaurant and straight out the front door. “Jay,” I gasped.
“Quiet, Delaney,” he growled.
“But where are we going?” I asked.
“We’re not going to have this conversation in a restaurant.” The headlights of his car flashed, and the car roared to life. “Lock your car,” he ordered.
“Uh, I left my keys in my cubby in back and I’m pretty sure it’s locked.” I hadn’t thought Jay would drag me out of the restaurant without giving me the chance to get my things.
The lights on my SUV blinked and the horn hooked once. “Never mind,” he muttered.
“You have a key to my car?” I don’t know why I never thought that he would have a key to it. He was the one who had bought it after all.
“Only for emergencies if you lock yourself out or lose your keys.”
“Oh,” I whispered. I guess that came in handy tonight.
“We’re in a good neighborhood. Your car will be fine overnight.” He opened the passenger door of his car and pulled me inside.
“Jay,” I said firmly. “What is going on?”
He slammed the door and jogged around the front of the car. He slid into the driver’s seat and fastened his seat. “Buckle up,” he ordered.
I quickly grabbed the seat belt and pulled it across me. “Got it.” I had never seen Jay like this before. His normal suave, nice guy attitude was gone and was replaced with a guy who seemed pretty ticked off.
He drove fast, coasting through stop signs and taking turns faster than I ever could. “Jay, I’m sorry.” I didn’t mean to upset him. I just wanted him to understand what I was feeling.
He pulled up to his house and killed the engine. He was out of the car and rounding the frontend before I could even get my seat belt off.
Jay yanked open the door, reached across me, hit the button on the seat belt, and pulled me from the car. We were across the sidewalk and up the steps of the porch with my hand in his as he pulled me behind him.
“Jay, honey. What are we doing?”
He twisted the key on the lock and pushed the door open.
The house looked the same as it did when I had taken him home from the party three weeks ago. “You hungry?” he asked.
I was actually starving. “Yeah, you got calamari or stuffed mushrooms?”
“No. But we can have onion and pepperoni pizza in half an hour.” He pulled out his phone, swiped a few times, and put it to his ear. “You want a drink?”
“Water. Milk when the pizza gets here.”
Jay wandered into the kitchen. “Good thing Frankie just went shopping, otherwise you would be shit out of luck on the milk, Del.”
“Lucky me,” I mumbled.
Jay placed the order for the pizza and brought me a glass of water. He sat down on the couch with a beer in his hand. “Back to what you said at the restaurant.”
I would prefer not to go back to it but that obviously wasn’t an option. “Yeah.”
“You didn’t kill our baby. No one did.”
The glass in my hand slipped, and I grasped it tightly. “Something must have happened, Jay.”
“What happened was the baby wasn’t meant to be, Del. I was with you all of the time. You didn’t drink. You didn’t smoke. You didn’t go on roller coasters or crazy rides. You did nothing, and the baby didn’t make it because it wasn’t our time yet.”
“But why?” I whispered. “Why did it happen, then?”
“Because it wasn’t meant to be, Delaney. I wanted that baby as much as you. I wanted it but that doesn’t mean I was meant to have it.”
His words sunk in, and I hung my head. “Then why are we here?” I whispered.
I heard him move from the couch and then his feet appeared by mine. “Because I may not have been able to will our baby to live, but I know I can do everything in my power to make sure you and I make it.”
“Jay…I just…" I sighed and tried to figure out what I was trying to say. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want. Please don’t feel like I’m a burden you need to take care of. I know I’m a complete mess right now and it seems to get a bit better each day, but it’s still hard.”