‘Well, Ava is asleep now. Why don’t we leave it until the morning, then you can both join in?’
‘Ava’s just a baby. I want to speak to Alice.’ Poppy slid off the sofa and lifted her chin with the defiant belligerence I was becoming used to.
I didn’t have the energy to fight. Instead I hauled my phone out of my bag and made the call using WhatsApp. The phone rang and rang and rang. Poppy stared hard at the screen, her body rigid.
Please pick up, Alice. Please.
But Alice didn’t pick up.
‘She’s probably in bed,’ I said as gently as I could, feeling guilty because I could have handled this better. The rings finally stopped. ‘It’s after midnight there. Why don’t we phone in the morning?’ I reached out to try and hug her but Poppy swung away from me, her hands clenched in tight little fists.
Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I let her go and watched as she threw herself onto the sofa and turned the television back on. She reminded me of a hedgehog, prickly and unapproachable, and I decided to give her some time and space. Instead, I busied myself making something to eat.
Almost swaying with tiredness and hunger – I hadn’t stopped today – I stood in front of the grill waiting for the cheese to bubble. I was already falling into bad habits, working through my lunch hour. I sniffed and sighed. Perfect comfort food. Cheese and Marmite on toast.
‘Please may I have some?’
Startled, I turned to find Poppy beside me. Her face was white and strained.
‘Of course. Are you hungry?’
‘They give you little-kids’ portions at After-school Club. Like, a tiny sausage and a spoonful of beans.’
‘You should have said you were still hungry.’
Her mouth flattened and she shrugged.
It was as close to an apology as I was going to get.
‘You can have one of these and I’ll make some more. Can you eat two?’
She nodded.
We both ate the first slice of cheese on toast standing up and I moaned. Nothing quite beats the combination of toast, melted cheese, and Marmite. Poppy gave me an uncertain smile. I raised my eyebrows at her. My stomach let out an unladylike rumble of confirmation.
‘Excuse me. I missed lunch.’
Her eyes widened. ‘You must be really, really hungry.’ She looked down at her slice of toast, catching her lip between her teeth before asking, ‘Do you want this?’
‘No, no, you have it.’ I took another bite of my own toast. ‘I’ll make some more. You can help slice up the cheese.’
‘You should take a packed lunch,’ Poppy said. ‘It’s bad if you don’t eat. You’ll get too thin again.’
I glanced at her, surprised. It almost sounded like she cared.
‘You’re right.’ Except, the mornings were still a rush, no matter how organised I was or how early I tried to get everyone up. Ava was painfully slow when she didn’t want to do something. Like get out of bed or get dressed. No matter what tactics I employed, I had to keep on top of her every minute, chivvying her along. Even Hilda was out of ideas.
Together we made another round of cheese on toast and then sat on the sofa in front of the television to eat it.
‘Claire?’ Poppy’s voice had that leading tone indicating a question was coming.
‘Yes.’
‘Mum’s been away for a long time.’
I stiffened but tried not to show it.
‘She has, but hopefully the road will be repaired soon.’ God, I hated lying to her. I could kill Alice.
‘School are worried.’
‘Are they?’ I tried to sound nonchalant. Shit. We’d got away with it thus far. I’d hoped by flying under the radar and keeping up with the paperwork, responding to notes, filling in the girls’ homework diaries, and doing all the right things, that the school might not notice Alice’s prolonged absence. A couple of times in the middle of the night I’d been haunted by imaginary tabloid-style headlines: Callous Mum of Two Abandons Children to Holiday in Luxury Indian Resort.
‘Do you think…’ She paused and turned to me, staring at me with a steady, solemn gaze. Something had been preying on her mind. ‘Do you think she’ll come back?’
‘Of course, she will,’ I said, my heart leaping into my mouth. ‘Absolutely.’
She lifted her shoulders and her eyes held mine but she gnawed at her lip before lifting her thumb to chew at the nail. I’d noticed her doing it over the last few days. ‘What would happen… if… what if you didn’t want me and Ava to stay anymore?’
‘Oh, Poppy.’ I put my arm around her. ‘As long as your mum is away, I’ll look after you.’
‘George Dawkins at school says we’d have to go into care.’ I realised that since we’d sat down, she’d sidled closer and was now almost thigh to thigh with me.
‘Well, George Dawkins can bog off, because there’s no way you two are going anywhere while I have anything to do with it.’
Poppy snorted a little at my vehemence and unexpected language.
‘You,’ I said, my voice fierce with unshed tears, ‘are staying right here, with me.’ I put my arm around her and pulled her close. Poor kid. Both she and Ava had had their lives turned upside down and had taken it really well. Alice and I were very different in our approaches. With a flash of realisation, I understood. Poppy needed some surety, some guarantee. I lifted her onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her. ‘You’re both staying here with me until your mum comes home.’
‘Promise?’ Her muffled voice came from my chest where she’d buried her head.
‘Promise.’ I stroked her hair, trying to soothe her, feeling her rigid body huddled against mine.
Chapter Twenty-Six
True to form, Ava hadn’t cleaned her teeth and her plait had already started to come undone.
We’d tried calling Alice twice this morning but time was running out and if I was going to get my train, we needed to leave the house in the next ten minutes. Ava had taken not being able to speak to Alice quite philosophically. Poppy had disappeared downstairs, not saying a word.
‘Ava, bathroom, now,’ I said. ‘We’re leaving in five minutes and if you’re not ready…’ She beamed at me, waiting for the empty threat, her big blue eyes guileless.
‘I’m nearly, nearly, nearly ready. Just need to put my dolls back to bed. They’re very tired.’
So was I. Ava had made a midnight incursion into my bed and done an Exocet heat-seeking missile thing and plastered herself to me. One of us had then slept soundly; the other hadn’t. I was knackered. It was a measure of how unsettled Ava was; unlike Poppy, she wasn’t able to verbalise it and I wondered if she even realised it herself. In many ways, she was a simple, sunny character.
‘They can sleep while you’re at school. Bathroom.’ I pointed to the frosted glass door, dredging up the French word Dad had always used when Alice and I were kids and he wanted us to get into the car. ‘Immédiatement.’ Watching her go, I darted into my room and yanked on my trainers in preparation for my quick hike from school to the station and ran down stairs. It was all about precision timing these days but we were into a good routine. Today was a big day. Tonight was the volunteers’ meeting and the good news for the girls was that Hilda was picking them up from school at three-fifteen, so no After-school Club today.