At least I could rely on Poppy to be organised and when I walked into the kitchen, there she was at the table, her uniform neat, her school bag packed and… she gave me a tentative smile and held out a Tupperware box. ‘I made you lunch.’
My heart went into freefall as I stopped dead, staring at the plastic box and sudden tears pricked my eyes. ‘Oh, Poppy.’
I took the box, my eyes on her narrow, pointed pixie face as her chin lifted in wary defence awaiting my response. I swept her into a hug, feeling her thin frame. ‘Thank you.’ I sniffed, my voice distinctly wobbly. ‘You didn’t have to do that. I’m supposed to be looking after you.’
‘It’s only a cheese sandwich and I put in a Twix and an apple and a cherry tomato.’ She shot me a cautious smile as if still uncertain of my reaction.
‘I love you, Poppy Harrison.’ I gave her a fierce kiss on the forehead. ‘That’s the nicest thing anyone has done for me for a long time.’ I paused. ‘I’m sorry we didn’t get through to your mum this morning. We’ll try again another time.’ I’d sent a stinking text to Alice saying she needed to speak to the girls.
‘S’okay,’ she muttered looking down at her feet. ‘Is that Ava ready yet?’
‘That Ava had better be.’ I grabbed my laptop rucksack containing my heels and my handbag and went into the hall, scooping Ava’s duffle coat from the peg.
‘Ava, we’re going.’ A second later, she clattered down the stairs, her white knee socks baggy around her ankles and her hair somehow even more rumpled than before. Sometimes I wondered if her DNA contained scarecrow genes.
‘Right, remember that Hilda is picking you up from school tonight.’ I stood in the hall by the newel post.
‘Yes. And it’s the volunteer meeting.’
‘An’ we can come.’ Ava danced around my feet as I checked we had book bags, PE kits, lunches, and water bottles.
‘And help,’ added Poppy with a little officious nod of her head.
‘You can come,’ I agreed, although I was a bit worried about Ava having too late a night and being more of a hindrance than a help, but since Hilda had been instrumental in setting up the parkrun, it wouldn’t have been fair to ask her to babysit. Poppy had been given clipboard duties and I knew I could rely on her to fulfil them with her usual careful diligence.
‘An’ when is Hilda coming for a sleepover?’
‘On Friday. Tomorrow.’ Oh God, it was tomorrow. Friday was tomorrow.
‘And you’re going out with Ash,’ said Poppy, her big eyes strained.
‘Yes. We’re just going for dinner,’ I said in a calm voice, ignoring the quick flash of excitement at the thought of seeing him on my own, in a restaurant, on a date.
‘And Hilda’s staying here.’ There was deep suspicion in her eyes as they anxiously tacked across my face.
‘Yes, but only because if we’re late, she can go to bed whenever she wants. It wouldn’t be fair to keep her up.’
‘But you are coming home,’ insisted Poppy, holding my gaze with determined doggedness.
‘I’m definitely coming home, yes.’ I hoped I didn’t betray the tiny flicker of thought that I might not come home straight away.
The rest of the day whizzed by with infuriating speed when I had so much to do at work and had to leave early, and although I could feel my stress levels starting to rise, they were tempered by growing excitement. Tonight’s meeting was Phase II of the parkrun programme, bringing us one step closer to making it a reality. Since that life-affirming moment when I passed the finish line in Tring, setting up the parkrun had become a mission, driving me through each week with purpose and resolve. Although I had the girls, my job, Hilda, and a tentative feel-your-way friendship with Ash, the run was the goal that was shaping all our lives. We were all completely invested and the excitement as all five of us, and of course Bill, gathered that evening in my hallway was almost tangible.
‘Have we got everything?’ I asked, looking around at my assembled troops. Poppy nodded as she clutched a handful of pens in one hand, her arms nursing half a dozen clipboards I’d borrowed from work. Perhaps I was being a little over optimistic as I didn’t think more than a handful of people, if that, were going to turn up.
I checked my bag one last time: mobile, notepad, pen, and the usual selection of drinks and snacks to keep Ava going in case she got bored.
‘All set.’
‘Don’t forget Elaine next door,’ reminded Ava.
As if I could. As soon as we opened the front door, Elaine yelled, ‘Yoo-hoo!’ from her own front garden. I think she’d been lurking behind her door for the last half hour. After effusive hellos, she struck up a conversation with Hilda and I fell into step next to Ash, now having acquired Poppy’s stationery as she was desperate to hold Bill’s lead.
‘Evening,’ he said in a low for-your-ears-only voice. ‘How are you? How’s your week been? What’s it like being back?’
‘Good. Busy.’
He studied my face. ‘Not too busy.’
I sighed. The familiar sensation that something bad was about to happen had surfaced a couple of times this week. ‘I’m coping.’ He raised that familiar eyebrow. ‘The girls are fed and clothed and I’ve picked them up on time. Just about.’
‘And really?’
‘I’m trying really hard to be aware of my stress points. This week I said no to a crazy deadline.’
‘Well done.’
I shrugged, not ready to admit that being back at work wasn’t giving me the same sense of purpose or of being an important cog in a big, important wheel that it once had.
‘If anything, it’s the girls I’m worrying about. Especially Poppy. She really hates After-school Club and some horrible child told her she’d get put into care.’
‘What a shit.’
‘I know. I think I reassured her but poor kid. It’s so unsettling not knowing when her mum is coming back. I feel so damned inadequate.’ Without saying anything, his hand sought out mine and gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. That unspoken touch offering support and solidarity almost made me cry. Instead, I squeezed his hand back. ‘It helps having all this stuff going on outside of work. Having something to focus on like the parkrun, which throws up something new every day. It helps me switch off from work. I haven’t got time to worry about my job once I get home. I’d far rather think about what we’re doing and the goal… how great it’s going to be when we get it all set up.’
‘I know exactly what you mean. Instead of worrying about when I’ll hear back from a job application, I do a bit on the parkrun. I’ve worked out how we’ll manage the finishing funnel, the tokens, and the timekeeping and I’ve had a couple of chats with Darren. We’re getting there.’ His job was working out all the procedures and processes to make it all happen.
‘It’s all starting to come together.’ I squeezed his hand back. ‘I’m missing my daily runs.’
‘I miss them too.’
We stared at each other for a moment, my eyes dropping to his lips. With a rueful smile, he looked around at our potential audience and bumped my hand against his hip in a quick private promise. Although we’d exchanged plenty of messages this week, it wasn’t the same as the daily contact that we’d got used to.