Hayden snorted. “Yeah, but you have at least ten more of these, so it’s not a big deal.” He picked one and looked as if he were ruminating on something. “What’s more important now, I think, is to determine if you’re sane or not.” He pressed his lips together, suppressing the smile that threatened to break the surface, and I was clueless as to what the joke was this time.
“Please, do tell. Why do you doubt my sanity?”
He wasn’t able to stay serious and cracked a smile. “Because staring at me and creating a dozen of these drawings while I was in a coma is freaky. I mean, who does that?” He made the cuckoo sign.
I didn’t miss a beat. “A girl who loves you and would give everything to see you open your eyes and live. A girl whose every waking thought is about you and who wants nothing more than to make you happy. So if drawing the love of my life so I can forget the pain and fear of you dying makes me crazy, so be it.”
He didn’t even move, let alone reply, staring at me with eyes so soft that my chest constricted.
“Do you know how much I love you?” he said in an unusually hoarse voice and framed my face with his hands. “You’re fucking precious to me. How lucky am I to have you?”
He didn’t give me a chance to respond, fusing his lips with mine. His kiss was hot and explosive, and it messed with my mind and heart. He moved his hand down my shoulder and arm, creating goosebumps everywhere he touched.
“I need you, Sarah. I need you to stay with me no matter what. You will, right?”
A broad smile came to my face. “Yes, I will. Just as I told you that morning before your accident, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay with you through everything.”
His face turned taut. His body followed suit, and a pang hit my stomach. He didn’t say anything as he looked at one spot on the floor with a dark expression.
“Hayden?”
He grabbed his head. “Fuck.”
Everything in me went on high alert. “What’s happening, Hayden?”
“There’s something I didn’t tell you.” He didn’t look at me immediately, but when he did, his despondent eyes twisted everything in me. “I don’t remember the day of my accident.”
Chapter 6
I GAPED AT HIM, MY heartbeat thudding in my ears. His doctor had mentioned the memory loss was one of possibilities, but the impact of his words was powerful nevertheless.
“Your doctor didn’t tell us anything about this. Does he know?”
His face contorted in pain. “That’s because I told him not to tell you.”
“Why?”
“Because you suffered enough because of me, and I didn’t want to worry you more. I saw just how much you were hurt, so I asked him to keep it a secret for a couple of days.”
“Hayden, I don’t need you to protect me. You told me before you weren’t fragile, and the same goes for me. We’re supposed to share everything. I want you to rely on me, just like you want me to rely on you.”
He rested his head against the headboard and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s just that I thought you would be upset and... Yeah, I didn’t want to worry you. Now you know.”
I trailed his raw knuckles with my fingers, fighting against fear. I had to be composed and accept things as they were. There was a possibility he would regain the memory of that day, so I had to be optimistic.
“Could your doctor determine if it’s temporary or not?”
“He said he couldn’t know. Only time will tell.”
I sighed. Just as I’d suspected. “You said you didn’t remember that day. Does that mean you forgot it completely?”
“It’s hard to explain. Kind of.”
He groaned, creasing his forehead. He looked like he was straining to gather his thoughts as his unfocused eyes darted around the room. He was quickly getting more anxious, and I ran my hand down his arm to calm him.
“I remember a red car right in front of me. Then a white flash... And... Nothing. I can’t remember anything else.” He tried to curl his hand into a fist, but it seemed it still didn’t move the way he wanted. He glanced up at me. “Were you with me? Where was I? How it happened?”
I sucked in a sharp breath.
He didn’t remember our fight.
He didn’t remember he’d given me his diary.
He rubbed his temple. “Is everything all right?” I asked him, worried that this might overexert him.
“I’m starting to get a headache.”
“Should I call someone?”
“No. I don’t want drugs anymore. They make me more confused.” He shook his head. “So? How did it happen?”
I stared at my lap, at a loss for words. How should I tell him? How?
“I was there. With you.” I clasped my hands together and glued my eyes to them, unable to look him in the eyes. “I was discharged from the hospital.” My heart beat wildly. The weight of what he forgot was heavy, but I had to explain it to him. “You were with me, and we were supposed to spend the day together... Then you received a call.”
“A call?”
“Yes. I don’t know who the person was, but you talked about some match T insisted on.” He tensed, and my body responded equally.
“You know about T?”
“No. I just heard you mention him over the phone. I don’t know him. You... You didn’t get to tell me about him.” I still stared at my hands, which now trembled hard.
“Sarah?”
“Hm?”
“Can you please look at me?” I licked my lips and returned his bewildered stare. “What’s wrong?”
“We had a fight, Hayden.”
He frowned. “We did? When?”
“Right after that phone call. You started arguing with the person on the phone, and you got so mad. I... I didn’t want you to fight.” I looked back at my hands, but he tipped my chin up and made me look him in the eyes.
“Sarah, just say it and get over with it.”
Fine.
“You agreed to that match, but I told you I didn’t want you to fight. I was just worried for your safety because you were still injured, and underground fighting is beyond dangerous. But you thought I was trying to control you, and then you got so furious with me, and you told me some ugly things...”
“What did I tell you?” I winced, surprised by his sharp tone.
“You complained that I stopped you from making Christine and her friends pay for setting my hair on fire. You said I didn’t accept you and... And that I was lying when I said I loved you. I tried to calm you down, but that only made things worse. In the end, you told me to get out of your sight...”
This was more difficult than I’d thought. I was reliving those moments, and it was killing me.
“Then you left me in front of the hospital, but you didn’t pay attention to the red light, and you started crossing the street without looking.” A dull pain spread through my chest, more acute with each step down this agonizing memory lane. “And then... You got hit.”
Distress distorted his face, his breathing noticeably fast. His eyes grew darker, looking into mine with such force I wasn’t sure if I’d messed everything up or not.