I exhaled the breath I’d been holding, surprised he wasn’t provoked by my words this time. They switched topics, but I wasn’t paying attention to their guy talk; I was thinking about the changes in Hayden.
This morning, he was able to talk much more than the last three days. He seemed more focused on the conversation, and he didn’t look confused. His face looked healthier, having lost its previous peaked appearance. My eyes followed his hand as he gestured, happiness nestling inside of me because he was able to use it. He wasn’t snappy or nervous. In fact, this was the first since he woke up that he didn’t display any negativity.
“Sarah?” Masen called me, jarring me out of my thoughts. He and Blake were at the door, already leaving. “We said bye.”
Hayden smirked. “She’s occasionally slow. That’s nothing new.”
I glared at him. “I’m not slow! I just wasn’t paying attention to your conversation, so stop that.”
My reply only seemed to amuse him because he was now shaking with silent laughter. “Yeah, baby, we know you’re not stupid. It was just a joke.”
Ugh. I folded my arms across my chest and said goodbye to Masen and Blake, staring at one spot with pursed lips as they chuckled. I was relieved when they left the room, finally leaving me alone with Hayden.
I looked at him and blushed when I met his fixed gaze. He flashed me one of his rare radiant smiles, which melted all my annoyance away.
“You’re so funny when you’re like this,” he said.
I was too glad to see him act like his old self to think of a comeback. “How are you feeling?”
“You ask me that every single time you see me. And every five minutes during your visits.” Yeah, he was definitely his old self.
“I’m glad to see your ability to use sarcasm remained intact.”
“Of course. It’s my main asset.” He gave me a lopsided grin. “After my dick, that is.”
I stared at him open-mouthed, but then for some reason, I broke into uncontrollable fits of laughter, feeling hysterical. I hadn’t been able to laugh like this since the day of his accident, and now that the dam was opened, I wasn’t able to stop laughing. I buried my face into my lap and laughed, all my stress and worry pouring out of me, and it was cathartic.
I didn’t know how long this continued, until I felt his hand on the top of my head, and as quickly as it came, my laughter died. A single tear slid down my cheek, and I shuddered. I was shocked by my abnormal reaction.
“I’m a mess,” I said to myself and started wiping off the tears, unable to suppress them. Where are all these tears coming from?
“Baby.” His voice was so gentle, affecting me on a deep level.
I sniffed, my head still in my lap. “I’m okay. Don’t worry. It’s nothing.” I inhaled deeply. I should stop making things difficult when Hayden was the one who needed help the most, but the pain in my chest was too intense for me to get over it that easily.
“Baby,” Hayden repeated. “Look at me. Please.”
I raised my head and felt a twinge in my chest at the concern in his eyes. They penetrated into me, showing me just how much he cared about me. “Come here.” He motioned with his hand for me to sit next to him.
“Are you sure—”
“Come here,” he repeated. “You won’t hurt me, if that’s what your overanalytical mind is thinking. Relax.”
“Okay.”
I jumped up and sat next to him. He raised his hand and ran it through my hair, studying it with a smile, and my breath caught in my throat. I went to a hairdresser after Hayden’s accident who styled my hair into a pixie cut and swept my long bangs to the side, managing to fix the damage Christine had made. It looked nice, but Hayden hadn’t commented on it so far, and I was nervous as I waited for him to say something.
“It suits you,” he finally said, and my heartbeat accelerated. “Your new haircut. It looks cute on you.”
Blush covered my cheeks, and I looked away, growing warm under his fervid gaze. “Thank you.” He chuckled, and I had to look at him. “What?”
“You change colors like a traffic light.”
I pouted. “Do you have a problem with that?”
He grinned. “Why would I have a problem with that? It gives me material to tease you.”
“Oh so, it’s a fuel for your torture?”
“Yeah, it’s a sweet torture, and I’m loving it.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear lovingly and caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. “Now come here.”
He motioned to me to lean into his embrace, and I didn’t waste a second. I rested my cheek against his shoulder as he kept me as close to him as possible. His warmth enveloped me, and his closeness imbued me with bliss. I needed this—to feel we were one, touching, giving, receiving...
“I’m so happy you’re feeling better. This is huge progress compared to just yesterday. It’s unbelievable.”
“Doc is surprised, too. He said I was recovering faster than they expected.”
I closed my eyes, enjoying the way his hand traveled up and down my spine. It was soothing and exciting at the same time.
“I still don’t feel like myself, and it’s difficult for me to say what I want to say.”
“How so?”
“It’s like I can’t fully reach the words I need. I have a sentence in my head, but I just can’t get it out. It’s weird.”
“I’m sure it’ll be better soon.”
“It better be because it’s frustrating, and I feel like a moron.”
I moved to look at his face and cupped his cheek. “No, don’t say that. You’re not a moron. It’s completely normal considering what you’re going through. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
He frowned. “Why don’t you follow your own advice? I already told you to trust in me to always be strong for you, but you still try to suppress your emotions in front of me. Don’t do that.”
“But you’re not well—”
“Don’t do that, Sarah. Fuck. We’re a team now, don’t you get it? It doesn’t matter if I’m sick, healthy, blind, disabled, or whatever. I want to help you whenever you need help. I always want to be there for you.” He took my hand into his and pressed a kiss onto my palm, not breaking our eye contact. “I need you to be yourself, so don’t pretend you’re okay when you’re not. I feel more hurt when you’re pretending than when you’re showing me your pain.”
I nodded, speechless and touched by his words. Our eyes communicated with each other as we drew closer, and I got lost in the moment. In a whirlwind of love and need, I sought his lips with mine and pressed myself against him, savoring the feel of him. Heat spread through me when our tongues touched and the kiss deepened, and I just couldn’t get enough of it.
I was in serious need of air when we separated minutes later. “It feels like ages since we kissed like this,” I told him and pulled away, crumpling a paper next to me. Only now, I remembered Hayden had a few of my drawings on his lap, and I was crushing one of them with my thigh.
“Great. I hate when I mess up my drawings.” I tried to fix the creased paper, but I knew it was useless. “It’s happened so many times.”