I reached for his hand and intertwined my fingers with his. “I just want what’s best for you. I accepted you as you are, but I can’t be okay with you getting hurt and risking your life every time you go there. I want you to be safe. Just like you want me safe.”
“I know, but it’s so hard. I don’t know any other way to deal with myself, and I feel lost.” He clenched his jaw and diverted his gaze away. “Sarah, I’m scared,” he said this so quietly I didn’t understand it at first. I was floored that he was so honest, trusting me with his deepest feelings.
I palmed the back of his head and willed him to look at me. “I’m here. I’ll always be here, and I’ll help you. We’re going to find new answers together.”
I felt we’d just crossed an important part of our journey. We managed to find a common language, and we weren’t going to give up or give in to our demons, which helped me reinforce my trust in us.
He reached for the letter on the top of the stack placed next to his hygiene kit. “I read your letters.” Melancholy shaded his face as he scanned its contents. “Everything you wrote, said, or did... It means so much to me. I’m ashamed of all those times I distrusted you or thought you were the worst. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve any of that shit, and as the days go by, you show me more and more just how much of a treasure you are. You’re my treasure, and I’ll always love you and fight for you. Always.”
I was unable to get a word out, but there was no need, since his lips met mine, and the world stopped to exist. Our tongues danced slowly, giving rise to bursts of pleasure, and I grew warm at his nearness. I couldn’t resist moving my hands down his chest and over his stomach, reaching his hips. He moaned and drew his hand up, right under my breast, almost covering it...
“We seriously need to stop,” I mouthed breathlessly and stopped his hand. “You’re hurt, and we’re in a hospital.”
“Do you think I care?” he muttered, nuzzling my neck. I was seriously losing my mind. I let out a raspy breath when he placed a wet kiss right below my ear, almost tempted to let him do more.
With regret, I pulled away and sat on the chair. “I want this, but not here and not like this.”
He smirked. “So you admit you want me?”
I blushed, looking sideways. “I think we’ve already confirmed that.”
“It doesn’t hurt to confirm it again. And again... And again.”
My face turned a deeper shade of red, and a laugh barreled out of his mouth. His eyes went down and raked all over my body, making me feel naked, even with all the thick clothes I wore.
“So. Do you remember the whole morning?” I asked him.
“Don’t change the subject now.”
I dug my teeth into my lip and took his diary out of my bag. His eyes grew round. “The reason I ask is this. You gave me your diary that morning. Do you remember it?”
His amused expression fell. “I don’t remember it, but I know I wanted to give it to you. Did you read everything?”
“Not everything. Here.” I handed it to him, but he seemed reluctant to take it. “What are you thinking about?”
“I’m thinking how I feel too vulnerable right now, and I hate it.”
“I get why you feel this way, but you honestly have no reason to. I’m not judging you, Hayden. Everything I read just helps me get more connected to you. It doesn’t repulse me or make me love you any less.”
“Does it, now? Are you sure there was nothing I wrote that made you regret being with me?”
“I’m one hundred percent sure. That’s who you are, and l love you with all your flaws. I want to be with you during all your highs and lows. That’s what love is.”
He arched his eyebrows. “Since when did you become a philosopher?”
“I’ve learned from the best.” I pointed my finger at him with a grin. He grabbed it and pulled my hand to his mouth, leaving a soft kiss on my palm.
“I can teach you something else too.” His smirk was naughty, which invited heat to my cheeks. “Something more pleasurable that will make you squirm and—”
“Like playing Super Mario? I often squirmed with excitement when I played,” I babbled to avert us from his suggestive words.
His mocking expression didn’t falter as he studied me. “I don’t play video games, Sarah. Only real games.” He winked at me. “Here. Take it.” He gave me the diary back. “You can return it after you read everything.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sixty nine percent sure.” His smile was wicked, and as if obeying a command, my cheeks reddened all over again.
“Hayden! How do you manage to turn everything into something sexual?” His smile turned into chuckles, and the sound warmed my whole being. He’d smiled more than usual today.
“It’s your dirty mind, baby. I’m not doing anything. But...” He motioned me to come to him.
“What?” I asked, refusing to play that game.
“Come here.”
Rolling my eyes, I stood up and leaned to him. He caught the back of my head and pulled me closer until his lips touched my earlobe. I shivered.
“But I’ll be glad to do everything to you,” he whispered and placed a tiny kiss below my ear. “Just say the word.”
An intense sensation flooded my stomach, and need rushed through my veins. I wondered how he managed to sound and look so sexy when he was stuck in a hospital bed, wearing a patient gown and a cast. Only he could pull that off.
“I can see there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve completely recovered,” I replied sarcastically. I wore an annoyed look on my face, but what I felt was far from it. He made huge progress today, especially compared to the previous days, which brought me immense relief.
He was going to be all right. Whether it took several days or several months, we were going to get through it all, and I was ready for it.
Chapter 9
WITH CHRISTINE GONE, Spanish was bully-free, and I could finally enjoy it and fully focus on the lecture. After their expulsion for setting my hair on fire, Christine, Maya, and their friends had been sent to schools out of Enfield, so I didn’t have to worry about seeing them around. Small mercies.
Kevin was in this class too, which surprised me because he looked younger. He hadn’t noticed me when he arrived a minute before our teacher, moving to his desk with his eyes glued to the ground to avoid curious onlookers.
I went to him after class, a little anxious about striking up a conversation. “Hi,” I said as I stopped next to his desk.
He raised his eyes and just stared at me like he couldn’t understand why I would talk to him, but then his gaze lit with recognition. “Right! Sarah, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
He gave me a sheepish smile, and the dimples in his cheeks made an appearance. “Right. Hola, S-Sarah.” His cheeks and ears grew red. “It’s nice to know we have S-S-Spanish together. Cómo estás?”
“Muy bien, y tú?”
“Yo también.”
Our cheeks were now equally red, but despite how awkward we were, I was glad I’d approached him. He looked like he needed friends.