‘I can take you home to get changed.’ Jonan scraped his chair back.
‘I’m fine like this. You don’t need to babysit me.’ Beth jerked up. She grabbed her coat from the arm of the sofa and clutched it to her chest.
‘Beth!’ Jonan followed her as she headed for the door.
She was already out in the stairwell when he caught up with her.
‘My love, you’re dressed for the gym, not the office.’ He stepped towards her, hands outstretched.
‘Don’t call me that,’ Beth snapped. ‘You turned me down, so quit the endearments. It’s untruthful.’
Jonan’s eyes widened. His jaw tensed, but he stepped out of her way.
She strode to the door of the flat, slamming it behind her.
The street was cold, but it matched the ice inside as she wove her way between the early-morning shoppers. She stopped and bought some hot coffee, hoping the caffeine would do something to perk up her dulled and lifeless senses. It made no difference.
She stopped as she caught her reflection in a shop window, blinking in surprise. Why was she wearing pyjamas? She had a vague memory of Jonan telling her she wasn’t dressed for work, but his words were hazy already. What was wrong with her?
A small man with a pointy face and an overlarge hoody was staring at her, eyes narrowed. She spun around, but he had disappeared into the crowds that surged around her. She stepped backwards and knocked into an old woman with a handful of shopping bags. The woman shouted at her, but Beth couldn’t make any sense of what she was saying. She held her hands up in front of her, apologising and moving away, but there seemed to be another body to crash into with every step.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket, fumbling to get it open and unlocked with shaking fingers. She dialled Charlie’s number.
‘Hello?’
Beth flinched at the sharpness in his tone, and then frowned. She wasn’t normally this jumpy. ‘I’m sorry, Charlie. I’m going to be late. I’m not feeling well.’
‘Seriously? Today? I need you, Beth.’
She sighed. ‘I will come, don’t panic. Just give me a chance to sort myself out first.’
‘How did the performance go yesterday? Did you speak to Amelia afterwards?’
‘I did.’ Beth’s heart raced as memories flooded her.
‘Great. I’d like a full report of your plans. Arrange for me to visit the venue next week. I want to keep a close eye. Our future rests on this event.’
‘Of course, Charlie.’ Beth tried to make her voice sound upbeat.
There was silence on the other end of the phone. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘As I said, I’m ill. But don’t worry. I won’t let you down.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Beth
The walk, the shower, the fresh clothes from her own wardrobe, none of it helped. If anything, they made her feel more wretched. She was running out of excuses for the weird fog that had taken over her mind and body. She felt like a prisoner, watching this strange ‘other Beth’ make an utter fool of her. But no matter how much she tried to rein it in, the pervasive fear pumped through her system, hauling her brain under its nauseating control.
Even alone in the office she felt it squeezing her insides to mush. Her heart rate increased as she felt the arrival of the ghost and her inner audience exasperated a little more.
Pull yourself together, she told herself. I am not that girl. I’m not the one who freaks out when a ghost pops in for tea. What the hell did Amelia do to me in that theatre? The energy was snaking around her in a way it had never done before. It chilled her, making her insides churn.
‘What do you want?’ she whispered.
I want your fear. The words formed in her mind.
‘Why?’
It helps me stay Earth-bound. I need to stay.
‘Why would you want to stay here, of all places? Is it Charlie’s unique charm? Or the unpainted walls?’
I lost my baby here. I have to stay in case she returns.
‘Oh, my love.’ For a moment, the fear receded. Beth felt a faint glimmer of light around her, heard the gurgle of a child inside her mind. ‘I can feel your baby. She’s on the other side waiting for you. You won’t find her here. This place just holds you in your pain.’
The energy wavered. Beth fought to remember what she had done when she helped the girl with the ringlets.
Help me help this woman. She sent out the strongest psychic call she could muster. She closed her eyes, feeling the light with every ounce of her body. It warmed her where she thought the chill would never leave, strengthened her heart and allowed life back in. The churning in her stomach eased and her chest expanded as the light warmed her from the tips of her fingers and toes towards her heart-centre. She drew in deep breaths, relishing each movement in her body, feeling life flow through her in each shift of her muscles. She could do this. She would help this woman. She would beat the cold.
She visualised the chill retreating, consumed by the fiery energy of the light that burned its way through the room.
In her mind’s eye she saw figures start to form next to her. She couldn’t see their faces clearly, but felt they were smiling. Great white wings rose behind them as they held their arms up in the air, beaming light from every cell of their light-bodies.
For the first time in forever, Beth did not feel alone. Years of isolation fell away, leaving her raw and healed at the same time. She felt limitless, like the ocean or the sky. Every cell in her body was a part of the infinite whole. For a moment, she saw her limits for what they were. They were barriers, nothing more.
An image of Jonan flashed into her mind. He shone like the others, but his back was bowed under an invisible weight. She felt his vulnerability as he strained his muscles, fighting to stand upright. She felt his determination not to lose contact with the one thing he longed for most of all. But what is it? What is it that’s so important to him?
Don’t you know? Doriel’s voice said in her mind.
For a moment Beth saw the woman who had haunted her office for so long. Her dark hair sparkled with light. Her rags were glorious in their brightness. Beth knew she would never forget the all-consuming joy that shone from her translucent face. Her energy shifted constantly as she looked at Beth for a moment, and then was gone.
Beth blinked.
The room was back to normal but the creepiness had vanished. It was just a shabby room in need of a paint job.
Beth swayed where she stood. Exhaustion weighed her down like lead. Grabbing her bag and keys, she locked up the office and walked back down to the main street.
It was Wednesday and the market was buzzing. Huge fruit and vegetable stalls sprawled all over the pavement alongside vendors selling jewellery, scarves and pottery.
She walked down the street, steering a course between the mums with buggies and elderly people with walking sticks. There was no queue at the stall selling crusty homemade bread and sugary cakes, and the smell of strong coffee from the cafe over the road made her stomach rumble.
Half an hour later the bright sunlight warmed Beth’s cold body as she ate her bread on the bench opposite The Monk’s Inn, a cup of hot coffee and a thick wedge of carrot cake waiting on the wooden seat next to her. She felt a strange affinity with the place after her experience in the theatre and wondered what that meant.