“Beans on toast is perfect.” I nodded my head, dropping my arm from my head and reaching across for the bottle of red sitting on the side, pouring us both a glass.
“Sorry, baby, I wanted to cook you a nice meal.” He sighed, banging the pan on the hob. “Fucking useless.” He burst into laughter, grabbing the toaster out, and reaching for a tin of baked beans before heating them in the microwave. I sat and let out an amused sigh. I could watch him all day.
After a lot of f-bombs, he served up our dinner, and after everything that had happened today, it was perfect.
Once dinner was finished, we were sitting in the living room, lazing on the sofa. Conor was sitting upright, I was tucked up the other end, my legs stretched out over his lap, his hand rubbing up and down my bare legs, slowly trailing his fingers around in circles, occasionally.
He turned his beautiful face towards me, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, sucking in a breath before he began talking.
“So, at my interview with Carter on Monday, he bought up my commute…” He flicked his eyes down to his lap before bringing them back up to mine. “He offered us a house, in the city.” His voice was small, I could tell he was nervous.
“A house?” I asked a bit surprised, my eyebrows raised.
“Yeah, either a penthouse right in the city of London or a house away from the hustle and bustle of it. I said I would speak to you though, obviously.” His eyes narrowed on mine. “I know you have the studio, and your family. My commute is over four hours. Robyn is lucky, she can get in when she wants and can make up the time if needs be. I need to be at his house for eight in the morning, I would have to leave at like, four.”
His eyes go wide at the realisation. “I can’t do that, but I want this job. So bad. I know I am asking a lot of you, I am asking you to give up on your dream, to leave it all behind. You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are now, after everything that happened when you were younger. I admire you, so fucking much. And don’t think I don’t feel awful asking this of you, because I do. I feel like such a bastard.” His eyes flitted away from mine as they focussed on his knotted fingers.
“Wow,” I said in barely a whisper, not even sure how the words left me. I felt like the air had been sucked from my lungs. I couldn’t make a decision now, not such a big one, not now anyway. I needed time.
“Can you just give me the night to think about it? It’s been such a long day and I am absolutely exhausted, and I just can’t think about this right now,” I said a little more abruptly than intended. My eyes were fixated on my wine glass as I swirled the deep red wine around in it.
“Oh God, of course, yes, sleep on it,” he said as he stood up and kissed me on the forehead, trailing them down my nose as his lips brushed over the tip before taking the glass out of my hand. “Go and get yourself in bed, let me tidy up. I’ll be up soon.”
He smiled at me as he put the glasses in the sink. “I love you.”
“I love you more,” I said back, walking up next to him and kissing him on his cheek.
I took myself up to bed, walking into my room, my eyes automatically looking at my dusty-pink, silk ballet pumps hanging up on my wall, along with the outfit I was going to wear for my exam. A heart-breaking reminder of what never was, a crushing pain sliced through me. I started to sob as I climbed into my large super-king bed, snuggling under the white pinch-pin-tuck duvet, it was so heavy but so cosy.
Maybe a fresh start was what I needed? What we both needed.
Before I could let the thoughts continue to dance around my head, I gave into sleep.
When I woke in the morning, I rolled over, disappointed not to see Conor next to me. I sat up, hitting my hands down on the duvet as I pulled myself out of bed, looking out my bedroom window, my fingers running over the box that I kept all of his letters in. I couldn’t help but smile.
I looked out the window, the sun was shining which instantly lifted my mood. I opened the window, letting the fresh sea breeze through before making my way downstairs. I looked in the lounge and kitchen but couldn’t see Conor anywhere. I started to panic.
Maybe he was annoyed at me because of how I was acting last night?
I walked quickly over to the snug, where we normally sit for our morning coffee, opening the sliding doors and walking out onto the decked balcony, when I saw him. He was sitting on the sand, by the shore-line, his arms wrapped round his knees, facing the never-ending sea.
I ran back upstairs, grabbing my silk, ivory dressing gown and wrapped it around my slender frame as I made my way out onto the beach. I walked back out the sliding patio door, and down the steps that left the balcony that led straight onto the beach. I felt a bitter pang hit me at the thought of leaving this place behind. I wouldn’t sell it. I had enough money in the bank to keep it running, plus, I assumed Robyn would still want to live here. I hadn’t even thought about Robyn.
I sighed as I walked towards Conor, the early morning wind still had a nip in the air. Conor was sitting in just a T-shirt and jeans, he must have been cold. I walked up behind him, my feet burying in the soft sand. I tucked my loose hair behind my ears as the wind battled with it.
“Hey.” My voice was low as I sat down next to him, my arms crossed against my chest, my legs out straight.
“Hey,” he replied, his face turning towards me, his eyes trailing up and down me.
“What’s going on? Why are you out here?” I asked. I was anxious. I wasn’t sure why, I was worried he was going to choose the job over me, to escape his reality. Maybe I brought everything back for him?
“I’m just thinking.” He smiled at me, his eyes glistening. “I like it here, it’s so peaceful.” He turned to face the calm ocean.
“Mmm, me too.” I nodded, now looking out as well.
“I’m not going to take the job,” he said after a few moments of silence, his head now bowing down so he was looking in-between his legs.
“What?” I asked, my voice harsh. “Why not?”
“I can’t make you leave. I can’t ask you to give up everything for me, it’s just a job.” He sighed.
I leant across, my fingers running through his shaved hair before clasping them round his head, twiddling with his longer bit of hair on top.
“Look at me,” I demanded, even though my voice was still soft and calm. He did, his eyes penetrating through me. He looked like he had the weight of the world balancing on his broad, strong shoulders, which I was afraid were about to collapse any minute.
“I’m coming with you. There is no way you are giving up this job. There is not a chance in hell I am going to let you, do you understand me?”
He didn’t say anything, just kept his eyes fixed on me. “I was thinking, last night, in bed. Yes, I have the studio and I love my job, but I love you. So, so much more than any job, or any dream I once had. Because you, Conor Royce, are my dream. You are everything and more. We need this fresh start, for us, and most importantly, for you.” I smiled at him, letting go of his head before I wiped the tears away from my eyes with the palm of my hands.
I watched as he turned slightly, his arms coming across to me as he swooped me up, pulling me down on top of him, his fingers running through my hair as he pulled my lips towards his as we kissed.