“Your capacity for good is only equal to your capacity for…” The archangel sighed.
“Evil?” I suggested.
“Viciousness might be a better word. You do not precisely do evil. You work for a greater cause.”
“I can get vengeance on behalf of those who cannot get it for themselves.”
“Yes, and while your method is rather vindictive, you do so with good intentions, so I cannot precisely call it evil. You are the swiftest hand of justice available, but you are as brutal as you will be swift. You have chosen your weapon well.”
“Well, unleashing the powers of hell on Earth to get rid of a few bastards is a bit overkill on the weaponry front.”
“The powers of the heavens, too. You are in league with both the heavens and the hells for this.”
“Does that mean I can storm the heavens, too?”
“Would you like to?”
I laughed at the curiosity in Michael’s voice. “Perhaps. Do you think I could get away with it?”
“I am sure He might grant you an audience at some point.”
Huh. “For someone like me?”
“You stormed the gates of hell for the sake of another. He finds things like that admirable. Not many can say they have spoken with Him. It might be worth your while.”
“You know what? I’d like that. I think I have a question for him.” I glanced at the Devil, who engaged in a one-sided glaring match with my poisoned roses. “I’m a curious mortal.”
“That you are. There is one thing you will need to know.”
“Tell me, please.”
“You may permanently lose some memories because of this venture, but they will be painful ones you are better off without. Do you consent to that?”
I thought about it. “Do those memories define me?”
“No, but they would redefine you in ways you would not appreciate,” the archangel replied. “Without them, you can define yourself.”
There were worse things I could do than place a little trust in an archangel. “Then I do, although if I need to know one day in some future, I am trusting you to make things right in its proper time and place.”
“I shall,” he promised.
A shiver passed through me, as though some gentle hand touched somewhere deep in my chest. The feeling faded, but unnerved, I asked, “What’s next?”
“Amuse my brother with one of your spots while I handle the matter of bringing the police and someone in the appropriate safety gear so they are not also sickened. I will see you soon.” Michael hung up.
I handed the phone to the Devil. “Michael has suggested I amuse you with one of my spots.” I pointed to the one on the back of my neck. “I recommend this one.”
The Devil’s amusement would be my enjoyment, and if my memories would fail me soon enough, I wanted to remember his gentle affection.
Nine
Just keep your hands from wandering inappropriately.
A wiser woman would have kicked the Devil out of her home, but I invited him to straddle my lower back and play with a rather lovely spot. As expected, he possessed a gentle touch, and he took fiendish delight in stroking my fur. The instant he figured out the spot made me purr, he chuckled and indulged me. “I see I am being cruelly used for your pleasure.”
Yep. “I like back rubs, too.”
“Women usually do. It’s not counting spots if I’m massaging you, is it?”
“Just keep your hands from wandering inappropriately.”
“Most cruel,” the Devil murmured.
“My brother will disapprove of anyone giving me a back rub, so you can indulge in your evil ways through quiet feuding with a chipmunk. While you’re rewarding me with a back rub, I’m going to plot revenge.”
“You don’t have a chip on your shoulder. It’s a mountain,” the Devil muttered. “It has been centuries since the last time I was actually concerned over how far a mortal would go.”
“Are you going to bitch and moan about the lethal poisoning thing again?”
“It is disturbing I feel I must, as you will not.”
“Well, yeah. I’ve the word of an archangel he can deal with the whole poison thing. Pain and suffering aren’t really my thing, but I’ll deal with it for the sake of some justice mixed in with a healthy dose of revenge. Maybe you’re the one who needs a back rub. Do you even know how to relax?”
“If I say I know how to relax, does that mean I won’t get a back rub?”
The Devil amused me. Had anyone told me I would like him a few days ago, I would have laughed long and hard. “I’ll think about it.”
“We are making your brother rather uncomfortable for some reason.”
“That’s because he’s almost as much of a pervert as he is an asshole.”
“I’m a pervert,” the Devil announced with pride.
“You’re a lecherous spot counter, it’s true. More rubbing, less talking,” I ordered.
“Bossy.”
I stretched, cradled my head in my arms, and waited for my owed massage.
If anyone learned that the Devil had magical hands meant for offering massages, he would be mobbed, I would be robbed of future back rubs, and I bet he could gather the souls of many in exchange for his work. It took him all of five minutes to reduce me to a purring mess.
“This is how you work a woman, Jonas. First, you buy her nice things. Your sister seems to have a strange appreciation for hot beverages perverted into becoming cold beverages. Find out what they like and make small offerings to test the waters. Should the tentative offering be accepted, you begin the next phase.” The Devil’s fingers dug at my right shoulder, and I melted under his touch. “Most women will turn into women-shaped puddles when properly massaged. This makes them rather pliable, although some have hidden swords rather than bone for spines, so they are only pliable for however long you’re massaging them. You need to be clever about the timing. Seduction attempts are far more likely to succeed should you pounce during a massage when she is happy, relaxed, and potentially more receptive to your pouncing. Weak men, much like that Lorenzo Gallo fellow, are unclear on the concept of how to make a more satisfying conquest. Really, it’s a much more intense power trip when you get a woman to beg through a drawn-out seduction. Of course, there is a time and a place for tortured screams, but it’s ideal if your woman wants to help you make the screaming happen with a mutually disliked target.”
My brother’s indignant squeak from his cage on the coffee table made me giggle.
“He is absolutely horrified I am educating him on the art of seduction while I have my hands all over you, his sister. It’s delightful. I am accomplishing so much through a single act. I haven’t had this much fun since my last visit to my dungeon to give some fucking assholes some personal attention.”
“You’re going to ruin your reputation if you keep this up,” I warned him. “You have ventured into gentleman territory, and your reputation very clearly states there is nothing gentlemanly about you. Yet here we are, with you trying to teach my brother to be a slightly perverted gentleman.”