“But will gentlemanly behavior result in me being able to count extra spots today?” the Devil asked. “Some sacrifices are worth making, especially if there might be some pleasant screams in my future.”
I could think of three types of screams, one of which belonged in the positive category and two which belonged in the fear and suffering categories. Upon close consideration, depending on how the Devil’s dates with his succubi went, I would consider being game for all three, although the Devil would have to earn his keep if he wanted me in any position where I might be screaming for any reason. “Do you count Gallo’s screaming as pleasant? Because I am not a good person right now, and I would be very pleased by his screams.”
“After today, his screams will be the sweetest of music in my dungeons. Does an extra good massage earn me an extra spot? I’d really like an extra spot.”
I pointed at a random spot on my upper arm. “Is there a spot there?”
“There is,” the Devil confirmed.
“You can count that one, but you have to massage until I nap, and then you can count that spot however long you like, just do your work between spot counting sessions. Try to leave some of my fur intact. Rubbing all my fur off would be rude and likely bar you from future spot counting sessions.”
“See, Jonas? I brought the goods to the table and received a prize for my excellent behavior. However, I have lost this war, because I absolutely do not want to indulge in spot counting without the subject of my attention being fully present. I have won, yet I have bitterly lost.”
My brother squeaked, and the soft tap of tiny paws on the glass cracked me up.
“You’re just lucky you’re good with your hands. I’m expecting you to work for that spot, and you have to pay it at least ten minutes of attention while I doze.”
“You can’t just change the rules at your whim.”
“I absolutely can change the rules at my whim. They’re my spots. If you want free range spots, grow your own.”
“I could be talked into growing spots of my own if you would like to engage in a spot count exchange,” the Devil countered.
“You’re tricky.” I yawned and waved my hand in the direction of the poisoned roses. “When your brother and the cops get here, make sure they take a blood sample or whatever it is they need to do, and then ask your brother for details about this poisoning, and conspire with him about the best way to bring this entire outfit down. Also, get that stuff I asked Belial for. I’m going to get mad and get even. I’d rather not be forced to force you to discipline some big bad devil for failure to do his share of the work.”
“He’d like it.”
“But will you like it if I’m making him like it?” I could only assume the Devil possessed some of humanity’s faults, including jealousy, pride, and greed.
“I absolutely would not like it if you made him like it.” He snorted. “And you call me tricky.”
“More massaging, Lucifer. Do I look like I have all day here?”
Michael brought Gabriel, four cops, and a pair of CDC representatives in white containment suits that covered them from head to toe with enclosed helmets into my home and introduced them, but their names went in one ear and out the other.
The Devil’s magic hands had something to do with that. Every time he went for one of his allowed spots, he’d massage my neck, I’d melt, and he’d earn more time to indulge in his spot counting habit.
Until I developed a headache, I’d blame Lucifer for my inability to care who invaded my home as long as he kept up his sinful work.
I observed from my prone position beneath the Devil, evaluating if I wanted to return to my nap. As I’d already been disturbed, I pointed at the vase of roses. “Apparently, I was poisoned just from touching them, and there’s an envelope in my kitchen drawer that’s likewise contaminated. I had the envelope on my table.” While my house counted as small, I pointed in the direction of the kitchen. “Kitchen is that way.”
One of the CDC agents went for the roses while the other headed for the envelope, and they carried several thick, plastic bags with them and a jar of pink powder, which I could only presume was neutralizer.
I’d never seen the stuff in action before, as the CDC struggled to find a way to produce the substance, which required dust from pixies and similar species. As plucking a pixie from a tree and giving them a good shake counted as cruel and unusual punishment, the government needed to negotiate with the hyperactive menaces, who were paid more by legalized shops to offer highs.
Maybe my idiot brother should have gone into the pixie dust business. I bet he could’ve afforded a nicer car without having gotten himself turned into a damned chipmunk.
“Yes, that is neutralizer,” Michael informed me. “The CDC wishes to test you to see if it will purge the toxin from your blood. They will take the samples from the roses and the envelope, and your cooperation with their experimentations would result in you being paid rather than you paying for your care. This is beneficial to you.”
The Devil growled, and he stroked the spot on the back of my neck I’d offered for his enjoyment. I relaxed and struggled to keep from purring, as purring would lead to potentially hissing to evict everyone who wasn’t the Devil from my home.
I bet I could talk the archangels into caring for my brother for a while. Training their brother would take a great deal of time, effort, and uninterrupted concentration.
“You are an annoyance,” Michael informed his brother. “Humans need to establish if things like this will work without us holding their hands every hour of their existence. It will not bring harm to her.”
“But will it help her?”
I suspected the archangel smiled. “Try it and find out if you are unwilling to peek into the future. I already gave my word I would halt the toxin’s progression should the humans prove incapable of handling the situation. They wish to question you, Darlene.”
I eyed the cops, one of which I recognized from the station, but to my dismay, I couldn’t remember his name. I lacked the headache, but I shot Michael a glance.
He shrugged, and if he had a head, I wondered at his expression. Then, after a pause, he said, “It begins.”
Damn. I wondered what would go next—or if I’d even realize something was going wrong by the time the toxin got done slaughtering my poor brain. As I couldn’t do anything about it, I pointed in my brother’s direction. “The same fuckers who did that to my brother brought the flowers along with an invitation to meet somebody in their operations. Lorenzo Gallo. He probably wants to take advantage of my poisoning, and he probably believes he’s the only one with an antidote. Apparently, I’m attractive and exotic.”
“You are attractive,” the Devil replied. “Isn’t she exotic, Michael?”
“Only to annoying devils and idiot humans,” the archangel muttered.
“Gabriel? Don’t tell me you’re going to side with him.”
“I am siding with him.” Gabriel stretched his wings out and rolled his shoulders. “A foolish question, truly.”
“Don’t side with him. He’s obnoxious enough.”
The complaint in the Devil’s tone amused me. “Is he always so whiny?” I asked.