“I find the fit to be quite attractive, possibly seductive.”
“More seductive than that herd of succubi you just kicked out?”
“Considering I just kicked them out so I would not have to share you, yes. Also, they were dressed modestly for succubi.”
“That was modestly?”
“Quite conservative, actually. They were attempting to prove they could be ladies rather than the little devils and demonesses they actually are.”
“Why are lady devils just called devils, but demons and demonesses are gender separated?”
“Demons originate on the mortal coil, and they are often corrupted by human societies. Most demons don’t even come to my hells; they live out their lives hiding among humans unless it is between emergences, in which case they’re either here, slumbering, or struggling to survive.” The Devil placed his hands on my shoulders, turned me around, and pushed me into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. “You’ll technically classify as a demoness, although you’ll have a more devilish nature. He has a shitty sense of humor, and He refuses to tell me what He did to your soul. I have been told I will have to figure it out. Then, because He is insufferable, He made a point of mentioning you will be in a delicate state for a while, and I should be gentle with you.”
I sucked in a breath at the memory of his perfect chest, his battered clothes, and the flames sheathing his body. I shook my head so I wouldn’t remember the rest, focusing on his face. On second thought, I shifted my stare to his chest, hidden beneath yet another suit. “You really do have perfect nipples. Why do you insist on hiding them?”
The Devil lifted a hand and rubbed at his temple. “My brothers have been enjoying ribbing me about your obsession with their chests and your utter disappointment and disapproval over their lack of nipples. I’m hiding them because they’re so wonderful that women will inevitably fall over themselves to touch them, of course.”
I needed to figure out how to use my spots to gain access to his chest without behaving like one of those women. “Well, if your brothers put some nipples on, they’d be as perfect as you. But no, they choose to not wear their nipples, thus marring their potential perfection. If you even think about removing your nipples, you will never get to touch another spot ever again.”
“How do my nipples compare to your beloved iced coffee?”
“I don’t know. Go buy me an iced coffee and give me a show, and I’ll let you know.”
The Devil disappeared in a cloud of brimstone, and I waved my hand in front of my face to make the stench dissipate faster. I opened the door and peeked into the sitting room to discover a succubus waiting, and unlike her fellow demonesses, she didn’t wear a scrap of clothing.
No wonder men dreamed of being with a succubus. From the top of her head to her toes, she redefined sensual beauty.
“It’s absolutely ridiculous how pretty you are,” I informed her. “If I had half your beauty, I’d think about romping around naked, too. As I’m not nearly as pretty as you are, I stole a shirt and a tie so people wouldn’t be struck blind.”
She raised a brow. “I’m Phenexia. My father is Phenex, and I am his firstborn daughter. You’re Darlene?”
“I’m Darlene, yes. I don’t usually go running around wearing a man’s shirt, but someone stole my clothes, so I figured turnabout was fair play. Since Lucifer dumped me in his room, well, I’m wearing his clothes.”
“Expect that often. He tends to make the clothing of his infatuations mysteriously disappear. You’ll get used to it, assuming you hold his attention long enough.”
Oh boy. According to her tone, she expected me to be dumped out with the trash within a week. “Are you one of those idiots trying to convince him he should have a queen and bang him for the privilege? If so, I feel this strange need to inform you he’s a pain in the ass, bossing him around is seriously annoying, and his devils aren’t too clear on the concept of generalized obedience, so you’ll be begging for a lot of frustration and little satisfaction. The only reason I took the place over for a while was for my brother. If you see Jonas, and he isn’t a chipmunk, please slap him for me. After that, I don’t care what else you do with the bastard, just don’t kill him, because if you do, I’ll be forced to kill you, and if I’m forced to kill you, His Most Sulfurous Majesty will likely whine. I’m really, really sick of the whining.”
“Perhaps I should have acquired two coffees,” the Devil said from behind me, and he reached around me, offering a large iced coffee from the cafe near my house. “Phenexia often assists in a secretarial role, as she enjoys hunting human men in an office environment. She also enjoys showing off her beauty, because she enjoys tormenting the other succubi. Your brother is fine, and he is not currently a chipmunk, although I have taken steps to enable him to use that form for any plans you might wish to make involving him. You can consider him to be a weaponized chipmunk now.”
“How did you get that so quickly? You were gone for maybe a minute.” I took my coffee and sipped it, sighing that it was just how I liked it. “You weaponized my brother? And he’s a shapeshifting chipmunk now? For the record, snow leopards are far superior to chipmunks, and I refuse to be outclassed by my wretch of a brother.”
The Devil showed me his phone. “I called them when I first heard you pattering around in the bedroom to make sure it would be ready. As for your brother, he needs to be useful, and nobody expects a chipmunk to be capable of dismembering annoying mortals who might look at you the wrong way. Consider him an insurance policy, and his continued existence is directly tied to your general happiness. Right now, he is busy learning how to conduct himself, but you’ll see him soon enough. Really, I tossed him to my succubi to occupy him for a while.”
Damn. The Devil cheated in the best ways, although I didn’t want to know what the succubi were doing with my brother. I took another sip of my coffee. “Phenexia isn’t one of the stupid ones?”
“She’s quite smart, she takes her interest in multiple partners to an extreme, and while she’s a fun time, I disgust her with my unwillingness to share. I’m a selfish, greedy being, and she likes telling me that. Phenexia, please don’t mind Darlene. I’ve learned she becomes very territorial. It’s surely a feline thing. I have not yet earned sufficient spots, so I am striving to earn my way into her good favor.”
“You’re earning her spots?”
“One must have proper permission to indulge in perfection.” The Devil took hold of my hand and showed the succubus the spot on my wrist. “This spot? This spot is merely one part of her perfection. So far, I have earned precisely five spots. She gives time limits on my indulgences, too. She is a most cruel mistress. I am grateful her time limits are usually measured in hours, although she has threatened an absurd ten minutes.”
“And you abide by these rules?”
“I’ve the word of an archangel that there are seventeen spots alone on one of her elbows. I have done some careful calculations. I could spend several hours playing with the spots on her elbow alone. I will make worshipping her a masterpiece.”
“Have you lost your mind?” the succubus asked, her tone a blend of incredulous and curious.