“I don’t think so. I might lose my mind should she bar me from her spots. I’m between spots right now, and I find this to be an unacceptable situation.”
“Dare I ask?”
“I have earned five spots,” the Devil announced, and I rolled my eyes at the pride in his voice. Rather than join Phenexia in asking him if he’d lost his mind, I sipped my coffee. “She’s pretty stingy with her spots. She will give me a new spot if she needs to keep me amused. She’s trying to make me use a dirty word to earn more spots.”
“Please or thank you?” Phenexia guessed.
The Devil made a show of shuddering.
“Please,” I confirmed. “Spoken to one of his brothers. Where I can witness him using this word.”
“You are downright evil. I like it. And your reason for taking over?”
“Some asshole turned my brother into a chipmunk, and no other divine would help me, so I had one choice: Lucifer. I figured Lucifer wouldn’t just do what I wanted if I asked him nicely, so I recruited an archangel or two, came here, and took the place over.” I frowned, sipping at my coffee. “I’m a little hazy on the details of getting here again or why I’ve taken over his bed, though.”
“You were in poor health, and he wanted to attend to you personally. I can verify he used the please word to an archangel twice while you were indisposed. I am hoping notifying you of this will earn me some of his favor.”
“There’s a human you want. Who is this human, why are you asking me about this human, and what do you want?”
“Not precisely just a human,” the succubus admitted.
I raised a brow. “You want to join a triad?”
“Yes.”
The Devil sighed. “Haven’t I dealt with enough angels this week? What did I do to deserve this, Phenexia? Do you know what triads cause me? Trouble. Triads cause me a great deal of trouble. You’ll end up seduced by an angel, and clever angels trap both of their partners for a minimum of thirty years. I don’t want to lose my secretary for thirty years.”
“If you pay me, I can still be your secretary. He isn’t precisely wealthy, and I don’t expect that to change.” The succubus’s expression turned wry. “He’s frugal.”
“You must be quite enamored with him for you to even consider tolerating a, may the heavens have mercy on you for I will not, frugal lifestyle.” The Devil shrugged. “You know the rules. He better be ready to satisfy me and your father.”
“Seriously? I’m not a child! I do not need you intimidating him.”
“You most certainly are a child, and I most certainly will make certain he is aware you have multiple fatherly figures who will be keeping a very close eye on him. Since He won’t show up, I’ll stand in and make sure both you and that damned angel are properly chaperoned.”
Phenexia raised her hand, rubbed her brow, and muttered curses. “Must you?”
“I absolutely must. It’s a time-honored tradition. I have annoyed every triad to ever walk the Earth, and I do not plan on changing this now. Depending on the angel, I may be inclined to be a little more flexible. Which country is your human from? We will be, as always, meeting the baby shortly after birth.”
“He’s from India.”
“Darlene, have you ever been to India?”
“What makes you think I’ve left America?”
“Right. Would you like to go to India?”
“So you can torture your succubus and an angel? Not particularly, although somebody has to make certain you behave and play nice with her gentleman and her angel. I support the idea we have to meet the baby. However, I thought India wasn’t precisely a hotbed of Christianity.”
“It’s not. Triads are flexible. Love is blind, and angels, once they fall in love with a human, couldn’t care less over the logistics of the human’s religion. Angels do not begrudge the other religions. Surprisingly, angels are typically welcome among most pantheons.”
“Doesn’t that go against everything Christians believe?”
“Who said Christians had the right idea about His will?” the Devil countered. “Phenexia, you know full well I’m not going to bar you from joining a triad. I will complain bitterly my secretary will not be accessible for several decades. However, I’d like you to help Darlene adapt, so you may wish to lure your Indian gentleman to a location where it’s tolerable for his wives to attend to day jobs, which will free up a few hours a day for you to attend to her. Considering how many of the other succubi have lost their minds because of someone’s questionable suggestion, I’d rather you handle some of the finer points of her adaption.”
My suggestion was absolutely not questionable, and I debated which spot I would bar him from enjoying until he recognized the error of his ways. I shot a glare his way and sipped my coffee.
I’d need another coffee if I wanted to hold any hope of enjoying a nice drink while enjoying the Devil showcasing his chest.
The succubus raised a brow. “You’re planning on stealing her, then? While exotic enough, she’s just a mortal.”
Yeah, I definitely understood Phenexia’s skepticism, especially after getting a good look at everything she offered.
Really, the Devil had some major malfunctions if he preferred my covered spots over her exposed beauty.
“For all eternity. Don’t tell the other succubi that, however. Their posturing amuses me, and Darlene needs a good look at their pettiness, so she is aware of precisely what she’s going to have to deal with.”
I needed to call the Devil’s brothers and have a talk with them about potential treatment plans for insanity.
Phenexia looked me over. “I need a raise if you think she’s going to compete with succubi on a mission to become your queen. There’s also the matter of her mortality.”
“That problem is being addressed.”
It was? I frowned, wondering just how he planned on addressing my mortality, although I’d done a fairly good job of avoiding death thus far.
“I’m really going to need a raise if we’re going to have two converts making a mess of the place. Also, you’re going to have a problem with the man upstairs.”
“I’ve been told it’s already been handled, and I resent I’ve been hoodwinked. I’ll be notified of what’s happening at a later time. I’m waiting for His leisure right now, and that annoys me.”
“He always annoys you,” Phenexia muttered.
“Yes, He does. And I particularly hate when I’m told to sit and wait patiently.”
“So, about my raise,” the succubus prompted.
“You would need to be paid to get a raise. You’re not paid. You do secretarial work because you hate getting bored, and you expect to be spoiled in exchange for your work. You don’t need to be paid because you get what you want without worrying about how you get it. Are you sure you’re ready to deal with all those annoying responsibilities mortals have to deal with? Maybe I should have Darlene teach you what it means to be mortal. You’ll have to play pretend at being mortal if you feel like seducing an angel and your human.”
Phenexia thought about it. “Perhaps, but that doesn’t address the issue of her competing with succubi.”