I shrugged and sipped my coffee. “You’re the one with the spot fetish. I’m just solving the problem of who will take care of my house when I’m here making sure you do what I say.”
“I love her,” the succubus announced. “If you let her get away, I will be very upset with you, Lucifer.”
“I don’t have to teach her how to teleport once she’s properly converted. That should keep her where she belongs. I’m debating how to go about the proper conversion process, however.” The Devil eyed me. “I might borrow some tricks from the unicorns. Their preferred method is quite entertaining, and I could take my time and do a very thorough job. If I keep her exhausted, she can’t run away. I’ll provide iced coffee so she’s happy with her exhaustion, and I’ll give her a comfortable place to lounge while admiring her fish.”
“He means exhaust you in bed,” the succubus announced. “Unicorns seduce their unconverted mates and continue to seduce them over a period of several years until their magic essentially infects their lover and transforms them into a unicorn. Sharing blood is also done, takes a shorter period of time, but generally is the least preferred method because unicorns could give incubi and succubi a run for their money. Lucifer specifically bars us from meddling with unicorns. They are a determined species, monogamous, and long-lived. The last time Lucifer had to rescue a succubus, the stallion tried to follow her back here, and the whining was significant.”
“Is significant,” the Devil corrected. “I kicked Isabelle out and told her she could come back in a thousand or so years, at the end of her unicorn’s natural lifespan. I warned her not to flirt with a stallion. It’s all on her that she went and fell in love with him, and well, once a stallion picks his mare, he’s in it for life. Unicorns make angels look like beginners in the loyalty game. And when his lifespan does come to a close, I’m going to have to find her another unicorn, and do you have any idea how hard it is to find an available stallion? I’m going to have to intervene or deal with the crying, and I hate when succubi cry. So, they’re now banned from engaging in any relationships with unicorns without permission.”
“Which means you have a bunch of incubi and succubi hunting for a unicorn?” I guessed.
“They have not been successful, as unicorns are sneaky. But I’m doing good work with them. I’ve helped the standard unicorns, now I need to work on the cindercorns. They’re critically endangered, and I really like the cindercorns.”
“Cindercorns?”
“They’re carnivorous fire-breathing unicorns. I’ll have to do significant meddling to help them out.”
“Aren’t you the Devil? Why are you helping unicorns?”
“I really like unicorns,” he announced. “I refuse to be ashamed of my love of unicorns and the glorious chaos they bring, especially when it’s time for them to settle down. They’re also important to the natural life cycle. Many unicorns, frankly spoken, are whores until it’s time for them to settle down, then they take a sharp left turn into extreme monogamy. I warned Isabelle she would develop a severe case of monogamy if she toyed with a stallion, and she didn’t listen to me. What would I know? I’m just nosy, worse than any one of their fathers, overbearing, and obviously deranged.”
I needed more coffee, and I drank mine down, crossed his sitting room to the coffee table by the couches and armchairs, and set it down. “You are overbearing and obviously deranged.”
“I absolutely am.”
“Start with calling Gabriel and using your two filthy phrases to acquire me another iced coffee. Once my iced coffee is secured, I want that show I was promised.”
“Did I promise a show?”
I didn’t care if he’d promised a show or not. As the Lord of Lies, he surely understood the purpose of a lie, especially when the lie led me to enjoying a view of his perfect chest. “You absolutely did.”
“Must I use those foul phrases?”
“You must if you want that spot. If you don’t earn that spot, you can’t earn the next spot.”
“You’re ruthless.”
I shrugged. “You like it. Is there anything else about this lout I should know, Phenexia?”
“He has a voracious appetite once he decides to take someone to bed.”
“I don’t share,” I reminded the Devil. “I don’t care how voracious your appetite is. I will recruit your brothers, and we’ll have an apocalypse in your bedroom if you test me.”
“I’m going to test you because I like the look of jealousy on you, but as I don’t share, either, I’ll only do it explicitly to annoy you into attempting to create an apocalypse in our bedroom.”
“Is he serious?” I regarded the succubus with interest. “Perhaps we should do an exchange of information.”
“He’s serious. We succubi don’t tend to be too jealous outside of a triad or when there’s a child under foot. We pick our partners for a variety of reasons, although he’s a damned fine meal for one of us. He has more sexual energy than he knows what to do with, so should one of my sisters happen to land him permanently, he’ll feed her very well. But that comes with the price of his rather ridiculous amount of endurance and enthusiasm.”
“Why is that a problem? I have determined he is aware of what the word no means.”
“But will you really want to say no when he’s on a rampage?” Phenexia asked in an amused tone. “He’s something else during a rampage, but that comes with a price. He cannot tolerate straying. And then he sulks for weeks when we stray. We’re succubi. We’re supposed to stray.”
“Unless you’re with a triad.”
“Oh, the angels know we’re going to try to stray. That’s half the fun for them. They drag us home and keep us entertained. Incubi get more angels than us succubi, though. Human women tend to draw the attention of angels. That’s a cultural thing. There just aren’t as many men who have the purity of spirit and gentleness required to earn an angel’s love. A pity, really. Incubi get the better hunts, too.”
“Hunts?”
“Human women are typically repressed, so incubi have to work harder to warm their targets up—and it’s far more satisfying when our mortal partners desire us of their own accord. It’s a better feed. With Lucifer here, you won’t have to worry about that. He comes prepackaged with more desire than he knows what to do with most days, so he sulks.”
“He does seem to be very talented at sulking. At least he’s pretty when he sulks.”
“He really is. It’s why we put up with him. The competition isn’t really competition, so don’t worry about them too much. In reality, they don’t want to be picked because they know they’ll be run ragged, lose their freedom to dally with any male to cross their path, and won’t be able to have children in the future. That’s a lot to lose to be a queen, especially for a succubus.”
I already had a solution to that problem, and her name was Kanika. “They were in here in a pack.”
“Well, yes. We hate to lose.”
So did I. “Did he really say please twice?”