Lily gasped, and the sound echoed back at her from Abigail’s lips. Shock had Lily standing silent, her mind trying and failing to keep pace with this sudden turn of events.
“You can’t mean that.” Abigail cried. “You and I—”
“I meant every word.” He pointed toward the house. “Good night, Abigail. Sleep well.”
The other woman gave a slow turn and, shoulders hunched, started back toward the house.
Triumph coursed through Lily’s veins as she watched the other woman go. Over these past few years, she’d pictured just such a scenario, and all her fantasies of telling Abigail how terrible she was paled in comparison to the set-down Merrick had just given her nemesis. “That was…” Wonderful, thrilling, satisfying. The words flitted through her thoughts as she attempted to pick the correct one.
“Terrible,” Merrick said, pivoting back to face her, his arms crossing over his large chest. “Absolutely dreadful.”
Her lips pressed together as her hands folded over her stomach. “That wasn’t quite the word I was looking for. “
One of his hands cut through the air. “You lost your temper, rashly called her out, incited her to follow, and then forced me into a corner where I had no choice but to declare my intentions.”
Each of his words stung harder than the last. But it was the last part that had her blinking rapidly, tears pricking at the back of her eyes.
Of course, she’d forced him into that proposal. It wasn’t as though she’d honestly believed his talk of marriage to be anything other than an act of duty. Only a fool would think he would want brash Lily of his own volition. Pride had her lifting her chin. “You didn’t need to do that.”
“I did.” His chest swelled even fuller. “Any gentleman would have acted the same. You might not care about your reputation, but I do.”
Hurt and then irritation bristled along her skin. She lifted a finger and poked it into his muscular chest. “For a brief moment I thought perhaps my old friend had returned.”
His jaw clenched, his eyes sparking with fury. “And I thought for a moment that my old friend had finally gained some sense.”
His words stung a great deal more than she cared to admit. “There is nothing wrong with choosing my own path.”
“There is if you willfully take away all your choices because you can’t control yourself and think through the consequences of your actions.”
She gave her a head a violent shake. “I’ve wanted to tell Abigail what I thought about her for years. There was nothing thoughtless about it.”
“Dragging me off was part of that plan?” His eyes only grew harder, his face set in stern lines.
“Was kissing me twice part of yours?” she shot back.
She saw him wince and inside she died a bit. He regretted the kisses. She fisted her hands into her stomach.
“No. Kissing you was not part of my plan.” His eyes were unreadable in the dark, his voice soft and low. “See what rash action brings?”
Those words hurt more than any Abigail had ever hurled at her. Tears stung at her eyes and for the first time in three years, one actually slipped from her eye and down her cheek. All the emotion she told herself she’d grown out of came roaring back to the surface, and another tear slid down her cheek. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
He exhaled loudly, running a hand through his hair in obvious irritation. “And I am sorry that this entire day has been such a disaster.”
Her spine stiffened. He didn’t have to want her but must he be so cruel? Anger, her old friend, replaced the hurt and her chin notched up. “Well, allow me to mend your disastrous day.”
“How would you do that?” He came closer and the irritation that had been knitting his brow softened into confusion.
“By relieving you of your proposal. I do not accept.” The words fell between them like stones.
He took a half step back, his eyes widening. “Lily. Don’t be foolish. You’re acting impulsively again. You’ll be—”
“I don’t need to hear your opinion.” She covered her ears with hands. Childish? Yes. But also effective. “Goodbye, Merrick, and good riddance. I hope I never see you again.”
“Lily,” he started again, calling after her.
She hadn’t realized he’d followed until his hand touched her arm. Her breathing was ragged. One tear had turned to two.
“Lily, for once in your life, stop and think before you act.”
Her throat was too choked with pain and anger to speak.
“There is strong-willed and then there is pigheaded.” His voice was gruff with emotion. “Do not make a decision that will only hurt you in the end.”
She swallowed thickly. “I am not being rash, Merrick. I do not wish to marry you.”
“Abigail will tell everyone what she saw, Lily.” His grip on her arm tightened but she could not bring herself to turn and face him. “She could be telling everyone right now.”
Lily shrugged, straightening her shoulders. Her heart felt like it was breaking but anger? This she could do. “Then I shall just have to spread rumors of my own, won’t I?” She tugged her arm out of his grasp and turned to face him. “I’ll say I dragged you away. Others who were there will second that. Do not worry, your precious reputation will not be harmed.”
He glared at her, his eyes darker than she’d ever seen them. “It is not my reputation I’m worried about.”
“Isn’t it?” She nodded toward the space where Abigail had just stood. “You nearly married that vile woman for the sake of your reputation.”
And now he thought to marry her for the same reason. She drew in a breath to steel herself against another wave of pain.
“You will be ruined, Lily.”
She met his stare, even though tears were now streaming.
“Are you telling me that you are all right with that? Watching your friends have families? Living with your parents until you are old and grey? Never having a life of your own?”
No. It wasn’t what she wanted. But right now it sounded preferable to the alternative. Being trapped in a marriage with a man she hated.
A man she loved.
A man who would only ever view her as a burden.
Her heart was aching so fiercely it took every ounce of will to speak the words she knew she had to say. “I do not wish to marry you, Merrick. If you care for me at all, you will let me have my way.”
Chapter Ten
The woman was mad.
Merrick thrust a hand into his hair as he watched her go. His feet itched to go after her, his mind told him to let her go and give her space, and his heart…
Well, his heart was no longer speaking to him.
His chest felt empty as he watched her figure disappear around the corner in Abigail’s wake. It was shriveled and lifeless if it was still there at all.
What had just happened?
He groaned as the full force of it hit him. The scandal that was to come. The words that could not be unsaid.
The fact that his Lily had said no.
He was not sure how much time passed as he stood there alone in the garden, reeling from the sudden shift his life had taken.
Again.