“Is that so bad?” Marigold asked.
Lily frowned. Was it so bad? No, of course not. It was gallant and sweet and kind and...so very Merrick. “He doesn’t truly wish to marry me,” she explained. “He does not want a wife with my temperament. I’m too impulsive, too brash, too stubborn...”
She stared down at her toes. The list went on and on.
Daisy lightly rubbed her arm, her face set in sympathetic lines as her eyes crinkled at the corners. “The same tendencies which make you hot-headed also make you strong, fierce, and willing to stand independently.”
Lily shook her head. “Merrick is a man who wishes to conform. He doesn’t care at all about independence or strength.”
At least, not anymore. She crossed her arms as a coldness crept over her. Once he’d cherished her independent spirit. He’d lauded her bravery. Had he changed so very much...or was it just that she had not changed at all?
Shame and regret had her fidgeting, unable to look her friends in the eyes.
Either way, she supposed it did not matter. What mattered was that things between them now were different. And they would never go back to the way they were before. “Besides, we have nothing in common anymore. We are nothing alike, we want different things. It would be a terrible match.”
Marigold tsked. “Don’t be so sure about that. If there is one thing that I am learning, opposites are drawn to one another. Just look at Daisy and her duke.”
Lily frowned. Daisy certainly was very different from His Grace. He was gruff while her friend was exceedingly kind. “But that’s different. They have an affection for one another.”
Daisy raised her brows. “You don’t care for Lord Merrick?”
Her stomach twisted again. “I do. Very much. But he doesn’t feel the same.”
“That can’t be true.” Marigold stepped closer, taking her friend’s hand. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He does care. Very much.”
Lily drew in a steadying breath. “He’s a childhood friend. Of course, he cares. But not like that. He doesn’t feel the way a man should when he proposes—”
“I don’t think that’s true.” Marigold rarely interrupted anyone and Lily blinked in surprise.
“How do you—”
“I have seen the two of you together, if you will recall. He looks at you with such...longing.” Marigold said, pressing a hand to her cheek. “Like you’re the only woman who ever existed.”
Lily’s brows drew together. “But you didn’t hear him yesterday. He told me that I had no sense. He said that I was impulsive and—”
Marigold held up a hand. “None of that sounds as though he doesn’t have an affection for you. He was angry at you. Is it true that he proposed and you refused him?”
Lily scowled. How could everyone possibly know such a detail already? “Where did you hear that?”
Marigold bit her lip sheepishly and Lily turned her gaze to Daisy, who gave her a rueful wince as she wrung her hands. “I heard that you begged him to save you—” Her friend stopped short. “Which, of course, we all know isn’t true.”
“See.” Lily tossed up her hands. “This is what I despise about society. Rumors and ruination due to impossibly high standards.”
She turned away from her friends as Marigold cleared her throat. “You didn’t answer my question about the truth of these rumors.”
Lily’s shoulders hunched. “I know.”
“Are you going to?”
Lily nodded even as she remained with her back to her friends. “He did propose.”
They both gasped in unison.
“And?” Daisy asked. “What did you say?”
Lily swallowed a lump. She’d been so certain she’d made the right decision last night. He didn’t care for her, how could she marry a man she loved knowing that he didn’t return that affection?
She didn’t give a whit about being ruined, but Marigold’s words were niggling in the back of her mind, causing tendrils of doubts where she’d been so sure. She did have a tendency to overreact. And he had been angry—not without merit.
“What did you say, Lily?” Marigold touched her back. “You can tell us.”
“I said no.” Lily’s shoulders hunched. “He doesn’t feel about me the way I do about him…”
“And how do you feel?” Marigold asked.
She covered her stomach with her hands. “I love him.” Her heart ached. “And he doesn’t return my affection.”
“You don’t know that.” Daisy came around to her front. “Have you asked him how he feels?”
Lily pressed her lips together even as she shook her head. “I know how he feels. He told me in great detail how irritatingly—”
“Stop.” Daisy placed both hands on Lily’s shoulders. “That is what he thinks. It’s not what he feels.”
Oh. Lily froze as she considered that. It was a rather interesting observation.
“You owe it to yourself to ask,” Marigold added, coming round to face her again. “And you need to listen and not just react.”
Her shoulders sagged as she stared at the rich carpet under her feet. “What if he confirms my worst fears? That he could never love me the way I am?”
“Who couldn’t love you?” Daisy rubbed her arms.
Lily closed her eyes. “Plenty of people. And for good reason. I am...difficult at times.”
Marigold nibbled her lip. “Well, I, for one, don’t like seeing you like this.”
“Me either.” Daisy gave her the tiniest push.
Lily stumbled forward but then dug in her heels. “Why are you pushing me?”
“Because I have it on good authority that Lord Merrick is at the stables right now, and I do not wish for you to miss him because you’re up here dallying,” Daisy said.
Lily gaped at her. “Dallying? I am not dallying, I am…”
Her words trailed off as her friends watched her expectantly, and not without a fair bit of amusement.
She huffed. “This is not a trivial matter—”
“Of course it’s not,” Daisy said quickly.
“I do not know what I even wish to say,” she added.
Marigold patted her arm. “Of course not, dear.”
Lily narrowed her eyes as she moved her gaze between Daisy and Marigold and back again. “Are you two patronizing me?”
“Never!” Marigold exclaimed.
“Of course not,” Daisy added.
“Honestly, Lily,” Marigold said as she wrapped an arm around her waist. “We know that this situation is no laughing matter. It is just...I don’t believe either of us have ever seen you…”
“Hide,” Daisy finished for her when Marigold words came to a stop.
Lily’s lips parted. “I am not hiding.”
Her friends kept quiet, but their silence spoke volumes.
Lily sighed loudly. “Oh very well. Perhaps I am. I’m just not sure...that is, I’ve no idea...or rather, I don’t know how…”
Daisy placed a hand on her arm. “I understand, Lily.”
And looking into her eyes, Lily realized that her friend did indeed understand.