“Falling in love is terrifying, is it not?”
Lily blinked back the sudden urge to weep. She drew in a deep breath and nodded.
It was terrifying. It truly was.
Marigold moved closer to her other side in comfort. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you hide from something that scares you, Lily.”
Lily glared at the floor. She wished she could argue. She hated nothing more than being called a coward, but right about now, hiding out here in her room to avoid another confrontation with Merrick...that was exactly what she was.
A coward.
She straightened her shoulders. “I suppose you’re right. I cannot hide in here forever.”
Daisy nodded. “You owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings, Lily. Even if he does not feel the same, you are not the type to keep your feelings hidden.”
Lily nibbled on her lower lip as she thought it through. “I still cannot marry him.” She turned a pleading look to her friends. “Not if he doesn’t love me for who I am.”
“But what if he could?” Marigold offered.
Ever the romantic, Marigold’s expression was bright with hope. “This all came about rather quickly so perhaps he is not ready to declare his love just yet, but that does not mean the two of you could not grow together. Learn how to be what the other needs.”
Lily eyed her friend with a wince. “I don’t know that I could ever be the kind of lady he wants me to be.”
“You won’t know that for sure until you talk to him,” Daisy said.
Lily sniffed. “I suppose.”
They stood in silence as Lily made no move to leave. Finally, Marigold spoke up. “So...will you go speak to him?”
Lily wanted to say yes. She meant to say yes. But her feet refused to move. What if he laughed at her when she told him how she felt? Worse, what if he pitied her?
What if he looked at her with the same bitter anger he had last night?
She wasn’t sure she could survive it again.
“If you do not talk to him for your sake, do it for your mother,” Daisy said quietly. “Your decision to refuse him will not just affect you, you know.”
Lily winced. Her friend was right, and she knew it. She’d just been doing her best not to think of how the ensuing scandal would affect her family.
“Do it for your mother, your father, your brother…” Daisy trailed off, but Lily heard what she had not said.
Do it for your friends.
She had no doubt these two would remain her loyal friends through thick and thin, but it would not be easy to have a friend who was ruined. Like it or not, her decision of whether or not to marry Merrick would affect everyone she cared about.
But no one more than Merrick himself.
“At the very least, you two ought to talk now that you’ve had some time apart to think reasonably,” Marigold said.
Lily sighed. They were right. Of course they were right. Both of her friends had more sense than she did and right now there was no arguing with them.
“All right,” she said as she forced her feet to head toward the door. “I will go to him. I will talk to him…” She paused to look back at her friends. “But I cannot promise I will marry him.”
“Will you tell him how you feel?” Marigold asked, her expression so hopeful it almost hurt to look at her.
Lily wished she shared just a smidgen of that optimism. Instead, she had a horrible feeling that she was about to commit the most humiliating gaffe of her life.
“Yes,” she said with a sigh of resignation. “I shall tell him that I love him.”
She reached for the doorknob as her friends cheered her on.
She’d tell him she loved him because she’d vowed long ago that she would not go to her grave a coward.
But she knew better than to hope for miracles.
Chapter Twelve
Merrick eyed his current companion with a weary sigh. “You do realize this is a long shot, don’t you?”
The horse whinnied in response.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
The groom finished his tasks and handed the reins over to Merrick, politely ignoring the fact that he was holding a conversation with an animal.
“Still,” Merrick continued to his new, attentive conversation partner. “It’s worth a shot, right? I can’t think of any other way to show the lady that she won’t be miserable if she marries me.”
He grimaced at hearing the words aloud. I promise you won’t be miserable. What a romantic proposal. Almost as romantic as last night’s words shouted in anger.
He sighed as he ran a hand down the big beast’s neck, soothing it as they both waited.
Griff had assured him that if anyone could convince Lily to come talk to him, it would be her friends.
He hoped Griff was right, but he wasn’t about to place money on it. After all, he knew better than anyone that no one could make Miss Laura Upton do anything she did not wish.
Least of all, marry.
As if the horse could sense his impatience, he too began to shift restlessly in his stall.
“Don’t worry, fella, she’ll be here,” he murmured.
He hoped.
The stallion did not look convinced.
“You think I’m wrong, is that it? I suppose you think I’d be making a fool of myself if—”
“Merrick, are you talking to yourself or this horse?” Lily’s familiar voice had him stilling, his gaze clashing with the horse’s as he allowed himself a moment of triumph.
“See? I told you so,” he murmured. When he turned around, he found himself face to face with a vision.
Well, she had circles under her eyes and her red hair looked worse for the wear, and she was wearing a simple morning gown and...she could not have been more beautiful.
Because she was his Lily.
And she was here.
“Well?” she asked, amusement curving up her lovely lips as she rested a hip against the stall door beside her. If it was not for the sadness that cast a shadow in her eyes, he would have thought she was perfectly at ease. As though last night had never happened. Her gaze flicked over to the horse. “Who were you talking to? Yourself or the horse?”
“It depends,” he said slowly. “Which answer makes me sound more sane?”
A heartbeat passed and then she grinned. His answering smile felt absurdly large. Relief flooded him as the tension eased between them.
He took a step toward her and saw her stiffen, reminding him that nothing had been resolved. But at least she wasn’t crying. And she’d come to meet him. So perhaps all was not lost.
“Lily, I—”
“Merrick, I—”
The both spoke at once and stopped abruptly to observe an awkward silence. He gestured toward her. “You go ahead, please.”
“No, you,” she said quickly.
He cleared his throat and took another step toward her. “I’m glad you came.”
Her brows hitched up and she looked around meaningfully at their solitude. “Well, it’s not as though I have much of a reputation to protect anymore.”
Her tone was teasing, her smile rueful.
Only Lily would joke about being ruined. He drew in a deep breath. “Well, I’m glad all the same because…” He let out a long exhale. “Lily, I’m sorry.”