It was official. Lily was a whirlwind, flipping him backward and forward, tossing him this way and that. He had no idea if he was coming or going.
Was it only hours ago that he’d been eagerly anticipating this proposal? Was it really only moments ago that he’d been kissing her, so certain of their future?
And now she was gone. And he…
He had no idea what to do.
For the first time in his life, it seemed, he had absolutely no idea how he ought to proceed.
The dutiful son in him knew what his family would want. They’d tell him to forget the wild rebel and accept Abigail’s offer. Appease her with talk of reuniting and have her tell the world that nothing untoward happened out here tonight. Lily would be safe, Abigail and his family would be pleased, and he…would be miserable. He’d spent the last few years attempting to be the man this family wanted him to be. But in this moment, he knew he’d never win their affection. They’d never love him as they did his brother. And he was done trying. His heart had always been with a redheaded spitfire who didn’t give a whit what others thought. Most times, he loved that about her.
If Lily was wrong to lose her temper, she was right to follow her own path. The one that carried her from the people of false affection and shifting loyalties.
Merrick winced. He wanted to follow that path with her. The honorable gentleman in him knew he ought to chase after Lily and insist that she marry him. He’d kissed her, after all. Several times. He had made his decision the moment he took that liberty, even if he had not thought it through.
But she would only refuse him again.
Because she did not want him.
He bent over, his hands on his knees and the air rushing out of his lungs as though he’d taken a blow to the gut.
She truly did not want him.
He’d seen it in her eyes, clear as day when she’d turned back to face him. She’d prefer ruination to a life with him. And he…
He could no longer imagine a life without her.
“Good heavens, man, what happened?” Griff’s voice had him standing upright, but the world still rocked around him.
“Excellent question,” he muttered. What had happened?
Griff came closer, his brow furrowed in concern. “There are rumors going about,” he said, his gaze shifting to take in the rest of the garden around them as though Lily might be hiding in the shrubbery.
Rumors. Merrick winced. He ought to have known that Abigail would waste no time spreading gossip. And he was partly responsible, pushing her away the way he had. He’d handled that situation with all the grace of an elephant.
But he’d been so sure that Lily would marry him. He’d thought he could keep her safe.
He groaned as he ran a hand over his face. Now what? How to fix this mess he’d created?
“Merrick, talk to me,” Griff said. “What’s going on? Daisy is beside herself with worry about her friend, and the room is buzzing with talk of you and that Upton girl.”
Merrick stared at the ground as he pushed his emotions away and forced his mind to race through his options.
“Is there any truth to what they are saying?” Griff asked.
Merrick ignored the question. “Her mother—”
“Already retired for the evening,” Griff said. “She’ll not hear of this until the morning. But Merrick—” A hand landed on his shoulder. “She will hear of it.”
Merrick nodded. “Understood.”
“Do you know what you will do?” Griff asked.
Merrick sighed. There was only one thing he could do. “I will ensure that Lily marries me.”
Griff eyed him for a long moment as a heavy silence stretched between them. “Merrick, you know you will always have my support. And Daisy and I will always stand by her friends…”
Merrick nodded. “I appreciate that.”
Griff turned to face him head on. “What I am trying to say is, if you believe this will be an unhappy match…” He shifted uncomfortably. Talk of emotions was a new realm for them both. “If you would rather wait to find love, I am certain we could find another way to discount the rumors and—”
“I understand, and I appreciate your support,” Merrick said. “But I fear it is too late for that.”
Griff nodded with a sigh. “Perhaps you are right. I’d just hate to see you in an unhappy match.”
Merrick remained silent. He knew what his friend meant. Griff had found love and he wished the same for his friend.
The trouble was, Merrick had been certain he had found love with Lily—that was not the problem.
The problem was that she could not love him.
He tipped his head back and stared up at the cloudless sky as he reconciled himself to this new fate.
A future with the woman he loved and who would never return his affection.
He let out a long exhale. The future he’d been so excited to discuss now looked impossibly bleak.
But he forced himself to meet his friend’s concerned gaze. “Tell Daisy she has nothing to fear. I will ensure that Lily’s reputation is safe.”
Griff hesitated but then he nodded. “If there is anything we can do to help…”
Merrick forced a grim smile. “I will let you know.”
Merrick never did sleep that night. The next morning he paced the grounds impatiently until the other guests slowly rose and made their way down to the dining hall to break their fast.
He sent word to have her mother meet him at the first available opportunity.
When her mother entered the study, he was awash in shame and guilt.
Not over what he’d done to her daughter, ironically. Even with all that had happened, he could not bring himself to regret those kisses. They were memories he would treasure until the end of time.
No, his regret was that he was going against Lily’s wishes, using her mother’s influence to force her into a marriage she did not want.
But while Lily might be all right with ruination, he could not let that happen. Not when he was able to save her.
Her mother’s expression was as fierce as he’d ever seen it when she entered. “Is there any truth to the rumors?”
He cleared his throat, surprised at the straightforwardness of her conversation.
But then, he likely shouldn’t have been surprised considering her daughter was the very same. She’d never been shy about what she wanted...and who she didn’t want.
“I am afraid there is truth to it, Mrs. Upton.” He cleared his throat under her withering glare. Had he really thought just yesterday that the older woman had softened?
Clearly he had been mistaken.
“What do you mean to do about it, Lord Merrick?” Her brows arched and her lips thinned.
“I mean to marry your daughter.” He moved closer. “If you and your husband will allow it.”
“I don’t see that we have any choice.” Her brows drew down in fury and he could not blame her. Of course he couldn’t.
“But Lily—that is, Laura, er Miss Upton—”
“I know who my daughter is, Lord Merrick. What about her?”
He took a deep breath. “It is my belief that she does not wish to marry me.”
The older woman’s nostrils flared and for a moment he was a child again and she was his friend’s terrifying mother. “It is not your belief, Lord Merrick. She told me so herself this morning.”