I let go of her wrist, gripping her hips with both hands and flip our bodies over so she’s tucked under me. But she looks up at me with fierce determination and no fear. “Was I too gentle?” My hand moves to her throat, but I don’t squeeze it tightly as I wrap my fingers around her slender neck. “Do you want me to choke you? Because I could do that. Or pull your hair?” I lean down, growling, “I know you like that.”
I feel her swallow against my hand, but she’s not scared. “Do whatever you want to me, Asher.” Her eyes flicker with fire. “No matter what it is, it will always be making love with us.”
My heart is thundering in my chest. I can’t seem to catch my breath as I press my lips against hers brutally, and she accepts the kiss. She opens her mouth to let my tongue sweep inside and nips my bottom lip.
It’s not gentle when I enter her again, and she moans my name, digging her nails into my back.
I pull away from her mouth, slamming into her again and again, both of us panting as she wraps her legs around me. “And why is that, Viv?”
She smiles and doesn’t miss a beat, her heels digging into my ass, pulling me deep inside her. “Because we love each other, you asshole.”
I can’t say anything back. All I can do is kiss her fiercely and let her feel she’s not wrong even if she already knows it.
I love her with everything I have.
I’m still stunned from the intense conversation I had with Asher last night. I didn’t know I had that kind of strength inside me. But it all needed to be said. I’m tired of pretending that I don’t love him. That he doesn’t love me.
He didn’t deny it.
And for now, that’s good enough for me, but there’s still some things left unsaid that I know I need to address before I lose my nerve.
When Baz is asleep and Lola and Hayden have gone to his place for the night, it’s just Asher and me out on the back patio.
“You want to go for a swim?”
“Sure. We could never do that in November in Kansas.” He grins and yanks his shirt off over his head.
I take a moment to bask in the dips and rises of each gloriously carved muscle. “We aren’t going to change into to bathing suits?”
He shrugs and pushes his slacks down. “Nope. Don’t be shy, Viv.”
I laugh, rolling my eyes before slipping out of my dress. My days of being shy with him are long gone. I’m left in pink panties and a matching bra I'm certain will be nearly see-through when wet.
His eyes take in every inch of my body, sending an excited shudder through me as he takes my hand and leads me into the pool. The water is cool but not bad. We float around the water together, but when he holds my hips in his strong hands and my hands rest on his shoulders, I know this is the moment I need to try. “I think you should talk to Penelope.”
He looks slightly confused now, his eyebrow lifts. “I talked to her today.”
“I mean about,” my heartbeat is rapid, too fast, “Colt. And her and Linc. The time before he died.”
“No.” He doesn’t think about it for even a second before shutting me down.
“There’s more to the story, Asher.”
“I don’t care.” He releases me, but both of us have our feet resting on the cement bottom of the pool as we stand face to face.
“You’re so afraid to let yourself be happy, Asher.”
“I’m fucking happy.” His voice is strained, and maybe I should have just left it alone, except he can’t tell me he loves me out loud.
“You’re afraid to be too happy. Because you feel like it’s a betrayal. Because you think you let Colt down. Because you’re so afraid of becoming your father.”
“Viv, don’t.” It’s a stern command, and it feels different than it did last night.
I can’t stop though. I owe him this much. I can’t let him marinate in his hatred toward Penelope and Linc and not know the whole story. I need him to get closure. “I think all of you were afraid of becoming like your father.” It’s the excuse he used not to be with me. “But it wouldn’t have been any of you.”
“Vivienne.” He moves closer to me, his voice deadly serious. “There’s no reason to dig up the past.”
“You’re living in the past. You’re afraid to let yourself be too happy. You’re afraid to tell me you love me.”
He scoffs coldly, running his fingers through his hair with one hand. “I didn’t argue with you.”
“But you can’t say it. You can’t move forward with me because you’re scared you’ll turn into your father. But it was never going to be you who did. I think Colt was afraid he would too.” My eyes dip to the water in front of me because I can’t look at him with the shame I feel. “Especially after he cheated on Penelope with me.”
“Stop.” His eyes are dark, and it’s eerie, but I need us to move forward. I need him—all of him.
“No.” I raise my eyes to his. “He knew.”
He moves closer to me, looking like he wants to throttle me, but he doesn’t touch me. “Don’t fucking say it.”
“He cheated on the one woman he ever loved. The pressure to be good was swallowed by the inherent bad.” I choke on the words, holding back tears, but I keep going. “You, Lola, and Linc are strong. Determined. You were never going to turn into him. You denied yourselves.” I point at his chest. “You denied us of this love we feel.”
A tear slides down my cheek, and I wipe it away.
He’s breathing heavily, but he doesn’t say a word as he waits and pleads for me to shut up all at once.
“It would have been him.” Colt struggled with his identity more than any of them. I see that now. He cheated on Penelope. He created a mess. He was teetering on the edge.
He lets out an awful, guttural groan, his teeth clenched tightly and jaw ticking with fury. He looks almost possessed. But there’s understanding in his eyes even though I know he’s about to deny it. “Don’t ever say that again.”
He turns and slowly stalks out of the water, never looking back at me as he goes inside, slamming the door.
When I left him standing in the house we shared in Kansas all alone, I felt empty. I felt like I’d never be with him again. It felt like the end.
But this doesn’t feel like that, no matter how angry he was.
This feels like a new beginning.
Asher is giving me the cold shoulder this morning, and I don’t blame him after last night. I know that wasn’t easy to talk about. It wasn’t easy for me to say, but I’m starting to see things more clearly now than ever before.
Perhaps it’s easier for me since I wasn’t close to Colt. I’m essentially an outsider, but we had a lot in common. I did horrific things when I acted out against my own family’s pressure.
Baz is busy eating his breakfast, and Asher is keeping his distance, hovering by the coffee pot in the kitchen when Lola and Hayden walk in. They both look bright and shiny, basking in their new love that seems as old as time.
“Well, good morning, family.” Lola is definitely cheery.
Asher grunts a hello and then places his mug on the counter. “I’m going to go get ready.” He shoots me an icy glare. “I don’t want to be late. Can you get him ready?”