“Which is way above your pay grade since you aren’t even a Prospect. I suggest you leave and don’t come back.”
He barked out a laugh. “And who’s going to make me?”
I didn’t bother with words anymore. I wasn’t sure this idiot could understand what anyone said anyway. Hauling back my fist, I let it fly and nailed him right across the jaw. His head whipped to the side and he staggered back a step, but I wasn’t done. I whaled on him, blow after blow to his ribs, stomach, face. Someone needed to make an example so other little fucks like this one didn’t come around.
He dropped to the ground and I kicked him in the gut, then spat on him. “You are nothing. You’ve always been nothing, and you’ll remain nothing. No one would miss you if I ended your life right here and now.”
“You fucked up,” he said, then spat out blood at my feet. “I’ll end your sorry ass. You and all the others.”
“Finish it.” Havoc’s voice reached me from the darkness. He hadn’t been inside, but apparently had walked up in time to figure out what the hell was going on. “Now, Ashes. End this shit.”
I hauled the little shit stain up and hammered his temple until my hand throbbed. When he still wouldn’t fucking die, I snapped his neck and let him drop to the ground. Breathing hard, I glanced in the direction of Havoc’s voice and the Sergeant-at-Arms moved closer, coming into the light. He nudged the dickhead on the ground, then snapped his fingers. Two Prospects hurried over and hauled the body away. I didn’t care where they took it.
“You hear anyone else mouthing off like that, handle it. If you can’t take care of it, then let me know and I’ll step in. The last thing we need is a bunch of troublemakers trying to patch in.”
I gave him a nod and got on my bike, going straight home. This end of the compound was quiet, and dark. I went up the steps and flicked on the lights as I went inside. A cold beer sounded good and I grabbed one from the fridge, snatched a hand towel from the laundry room, then went into the living room and turned on the TV.
Adrenaline was coursing through me, and I needed sex as much as I needed air. The club sluts weren’t going to get the job done, though, and no way in hell would Renegade let me anywhere near his sister. So my hand had been getting the job done for a while now.
It sucked that my life had come to this, but meaningless sex just didn’t do it for me anymore. Hell, I couldn’t even get hard for the whores at the clubhouse. Those days were behind me. Keeping it from my brothers was going to get harder and harder though. For two years I’d walked that fine line, but a day would come when I couldn’t conceal my true feelings. They’d know something was up, but no fucking way could I ever let Renegade know I was a goner for his baby sister.
Flipping to one of the porn stations I streamed, I selected a movie and unfastened my pants. I downed half my beer before picking up the lube and slicking my palm. As the woman on the screen deep-throated the man, I started stroking. It wasn’t long before my eyes were closed, only focused on the sounds and picturing sweet little Nikki on her knees, sucking me off.
I tightened my grip, giving a slight twist on the downstroke. Faster. Harder. Everything in me grew taut as my balls drew up, then I was coming. I grunted as spurts of cum jetted over my hand, wishing like fuck I could do more than daydream about the only woman I’d ever wanted long-term.
Using the towel to clean myself off, I made sure I got everything off my hands, then tossed the towel to the side and picked up my beer again. I finished watching the movie, then called it a night after a quick shower.
Pathetic. That’s what I was… a pathetic excuse of a man, much less a biker.
If anyone ever found out I hadn’t fucked a woman in years, I’d never hear the end of it. I let them suck me off, sometimes. And I made sure they were satisfied, but my dick hadn’t been inside anyone since I’d fallen for Nik. I’d fooled around with my dates, but it never went all the way. My brothers wouldn’t understand. Especially since I couldn’t have the one I wanted. No way her brother would ever let her be with someone like me.
Chapter One
Ashes, Six Months Later
I hated seeing Nikki like this. What should have been a joyous time for her only made her sadder. Losing Bane, especially in such a brutal way, had done a number on her. It had been half a year since his death, and still she was barely living. None of us had a clue the two had been so close. Even her brother, Renegade, had been kept in the dark. I’d made it my responsibility to keep an eye on her. If it weren’t for my addict cousin, then Bane would still be alive, and Nikki wouldn’t be facing motherhood alone.
Her belly swelled with her kid, hers and Bane’s, and I thought she was pretty damn adorable. Even when she hadn’t showered in a few days, there was just something about Nikki that made you look twice. She wasn’t stunning, or gorgeous like the women in Hollywood, but the girl-next-door look was really doing it for me. Not that I would touch her. I had no right. Besides, she was still mourning the loss of Bane.
“Hey, Nik, your calendar says you have a doctor’s appointment today. Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” I asked as I leaned against the entryway to the living room.
She’d curled on the couch, still in her pajamas, and was staring vacantly at the TV. I knew she wasn’t watching it because a movie that looked damn close to soft porn was playing, and that wasn’t her thing. At least, it hadn’t been since I’d started coming over here every week.
“Nik.” Moving farther into the room, I hunkered in front of her, slowly reaching for her hand. I gave it a slight squeeze, pulling her attention to me. “There you are, pretty girl. Come on. You need to shower and dress for your appointment. I’ll give you a ride.”
“Appointment?”
I nodded. “Doctor. Have to check on the kiddo and make sure they’re all right.”
Her eyes turned glassy with unshed tears. “I’m supposed to find out the sex today. I get to see my baby and I…”
I reached up and wiped away the tear that slipped down her cheek. “I know, sweetheart. I know. I’m so damn sorry Bane can’t be here for this, but you don’t have to go alone.”
I’d like to think Bane would have been with her every step of the way, but I honestly didn’t know. He’d enjoyed the club pussy as much as anyone else. The fact he’d been with Nikki, and she was the sister of our Road Captain, made me think he’d been more serious this time. If he hadn’t died and he’d fucked around on Nik, then Renegade would have gelded him.
She gave me a slight nod and I helped her stand. Not trusting her to actually take a shower and not just crawl back in the bed, I led her down the hall to her room. I’d picked up a bit the last time I was here, but the place already looked like a cyclone had hit. From what I knew of Nikki, she’d been something of a neat freak before losing Bane. The men who took her had beat her pretty bad, but even worse, they’d made her watch as they tortured and killed Bane, a Prospect no one had realized she was seeing.
I went into her bathroom and turned on the shower, set out a clean towel for her, then stepped out. Nikki shuffled past me, more zombie than human at the moment. I left her to it and started picking up the mess in her room and stripping the bed. When I turned to shove everything in the hamper near her closet, I sighed and stared at her. She was still standing in the bathroom, vacantly looking at the shower.