The phone went off again and this time I knew I needed to answer. I swiped the screen and held it to my ear.
“Yeah.”
“I call, you better damn well answer,” Havoc said.
“Sorry. Tired as fuck.” Pissing off the club’s Sergeant-at-Arms wasn’t the best way to start the morning. I had no doubt Havoc could pound my ass into the ground without breaking a sweat. And if he didn’t, his psycho wife might very well try it.
“We have Church in an hour. Drink a pot of coffee, down an energy drink. Do whatever you need to be clear-headed and present on time.”
Fucking hell. I couldn’t think of anything going on that would warrant that kind of threat. It sounded like Cinder was likely on the warpath, even though I didn’t know why. Maybe someone looked at Meg wrong and he was out for blood. Things had been fairly quiet lately. Sure, the women who ended up getting claimed always brought some trouble with them, but since that shit went down six months ago and we lost Bane, it had been a smooth ride. Maybe too tranquil, now that I thought about it. “I’ll be there.”
Havoc hung up on me and I sighed, closing my eyes again. It was going to be a long fucking day. I didn’t regret bringing Nikki here. Having her in my house, knowing she was safe and wouldn’t end up on the streets, made any discomfort worth it. I only hoped I didn’t walk around with a hard-on all the fucking time, much like the one tenting the sheets even now.
If I was going to be in Church on time, better get my ass into the shower. It was going to take that and a fuck ton of coffee to get me going. Although, I should probably take care of my little problem first. Or rather, my big eleven-inch one. Yeah, I’d measured, and any guy who said he hadn’t was a fucking liar or knew he had a tiny dick. I threw off the covers and padded naked into the bathroom. After starting the shower, I took a second to brush my teeth and stared into the mirror. My beard had grown in, longer than I liked. Some of my brothers had some bushy beards that the ladies seemed to love, but I could take it or leave it. I’d need a new razor before I shaved it all the way off, though. I ran my hand over it, then pulled the trimmers from the drawer and took the length down until it was tight along my jaw.
I gathered the hair from the sink and tossed it into the trash, then pulled out a towel before getting in the shower. My dick wasn’t as hard as before, but it hadn’t completely deflated either. I washed my hair and what was left of my beard, then rinsed. Bracing a hand against the wall, I bent over and let the hot water pound my neck and shoulders. I turned my head one way then another, hearing a loud crack both times.
I’d been tense since Renegade had burst into my home, pissed off that his sister was here. Even though I’d told Nikki I wasn’t worried, I’d lied. Having Cinder or Scratch demand that I claim her wouldn’t be a problem for me, but I didn’t want to force that on her. Nikki was still healing, trying to figure things out, and she didn’t need more shit thrown at her. I knew Havoc had decided Jordan was his and that was that, but I didn’t work that way. I could admit the thought of tying Nikki to my bed and convincing her to stay was tempting, but I wasn’t that much of an asshole. Not with her anyway.
Maybe I could have figured out another solution, but part of me had just really wanted her in my house. I’d felt that way for years even though I’d tried to bury it. Not deep enough apparently. In my gut, I knew that Nikki was mine. If things were different, if she weren’t Renegade’s little sister, then perhaps at some point she’d have come to realize she was meant to be here with me. But wishing for things to be different wouldn’t change anything.
The way she’d looked in my bed, her hair fanned across the pillows, was something I wouldn’t easily forget. It had been so fucking tempting to crawl in beside her, draw her close to my chest, and just hold her while we slept. The swell of her belly shouldn’t have looked so fucking cute, but it did. Knowing her son was in there, growing inside her, made me feel things I wasn’t ready to analyze. I’d never thought of myself as a family sort of guy, until I’d found out Nik was pregnant. Even if the baby wasn’t mine, it didn’t keep me from wondering what it would be like.
“Ashes.”
I closed my eyes tighter. Now I was even hearing her damn voice. Would she always plague my thoughts?
“Ashes.”
My eyes opened and I glanced through the glass door. Shit. I wasn’t imagining her voice. She was here, and the way she looked at me… My cock began to stir again, getting hard, and I quickly shifted to hide myself from her. She didn’t need me lusting after her. I would anyway, but it didn’t mean she had to know about it.
“Did you need something, Nikki?” I asked, wincing inwardly when my voice came out deeper and rougher than usual. She had me tied in fucking knots and she wasn’t even trying.
I heard a faint rustle and figured she was leaving, having seen way more of me than she likely had wanted. Turning back to look at what I figured would be an empty bathroom, shock held me immobile as a very naked Nikki entered the shower, her gaze unsure and hesitant. Christ! Was she trying to kill me?
“Nik…”
“If… If you don’t want me here, I’ll go.” She folded her arms over her breasts, her cheeks flushing as she glanced away.
Not want her here? What the hell was going on? Did she think it was a requirement that she give me her body in order to stay with me?
“Talk to me,” I said. “What are you thinking, Nik?”
Her gaze was fastened on the shower floor. At first, I didn’t think she’d answer. When she finally did, it about took me to my fucking knees.
“I know that I’ll probably end up alone, at least until Oliver is grown and out on his own. No one will want to take on both me and a kid, especially as big an asshole as my brother seems to be, determined to save me even if I don’t want or need him to. If you don’t want me, I’ll understand.”
I reached for her, my hands gripping her gently and giving her just enough of a shake that she looked up at me. The vulnerability in her eyes was heartbreaking. Did she really believe no one would want her? The fact she didn’t see what a treasure she was, a gift that any guy would be lucky to claim… it fucking floored me.
“Not want you?” I snorted. “Nik, have you never noticed I’m in a constant state of arousal around you? All I have to do is think of you and I get hard.”
“You’re not just saying that because you think the club might force you to claim me?” She stared at me. Hard. “I’m pregnant, Ashes. Like, really pregnant. Pretty soon I’ll be the size of a whale. Then I’ll have a kid to take care for the next eighteen years, one that isn’t yours.”
I hesitated only a moment before I took her hand and lowered it to my cock. Interest flared in her eyes as she slid her soft fingers along my shaft. She dropped her gaze as she stroked me a few times. The look of wonder on her face was nearly my undoing.
“That’s what happens whenever I’m around you,” I said. “Can’t control it no matter how much I try. I’ve wanted you for a long time, Nikki.”
“Me?” she asked.
“I noticed you shortly after you turned eighteen. Knew I didn’t have a shot at being with someone like you, even if Renegade wasn’t standing in the way. I don’t blame him for wanting a different life for you. You know things can get rough around here. Putting a target on you or Oliver is the last thing I’d ever want to do. Being here, at the compound, is one thing… being claimed by me? That’s different and you know it.”