She needed help, but she refused to go talk to a shrink, and Renegade insisted she’d be fine and to leave her be. I couldn’t, though. Either my brother wasn’t aware of just how bad Nik had gotten, or he was choosing to ignore it. I understood he was preoccupied with his new woman and daughter, and the kid they had on the way, but that didn’t change the fact his sister needed him. I could go to the Pres and ask him to speak to Renegade, but I didn’t want to do that. Nikki needed someone, and I was happy to help. I considered it penance for my fucked-up cousin being responsible for what happened to Nikki and Bane.
“Nikki, I need you to take a shower and get ready for your appointment,” I reminded her again.
When she still didn’t move, I knew I’d have to take things further than I should. I reached up and eased the elastic from her hair, letting it tumble down her back. Bracing myself for however she might react, I reached for the hem of her shirt and slowly started to lift it, hoping like hell she’d snap out of it and shove me away, then undress herself. Her bare breasts came into view, and I slammed my eyes shut, and cursed the fact I was getting hard. It was all kinds of fucked up. I managed to get her shirt off, then shoved her pajama pants down her legs. Settling my hands on her hips, I noticed she hadn’t been wearing panties. It was tempting to let my hands wander over that smooth skin, but I held back.
I brushed past her and tested the shower water, warming it a little more, before I reached back and took her hand. I tried really fucking hard not to look anywhere but her face as I stuck her under the shower spray. She sucked in a breath, her eyes going wide, and I could tell the moment she was coming back to the present and getting out of her head.
“Ashes?” she asked.
“Yeah, Nik. Just… shower, okay? I’ll put some clothes out for you, then wait in the living room.”
My gaze dropped to her breasts, and I knew it made me an asshole, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from going even lower. The swell of her belly made my fingers twitch as I fought the urge to reach out and place my hand there. Nikki seemed to read my mind and reached out, taking my hand in hers, then pressed my palm to her belly. I stared a moment before looking up to see her watching me.
“It’s okay if you want to feel the baby,” she said. “You’ve been here every week helping take care of us. It’s almost more your kid than Bane’s.”
I shook my head. “No, Nik. The baby is yours and Bane’s, and everyone knows it. The kid will know it too. We’ll all tell him or her about their dad, and how he died trying to save you. He’ll be a hero in his kid’s eyes.”
Her lower lip trembled. “I’m scared, Ashes.”
Ah, hell. I could handle about anything, except tears. I slipped off my cut and laid it on the counter, then toed off my boots. I stepped into the shower and gathered Nikki in my arms, not caring that I was getting soaked. She cried and clutched at my shirt. It was all kinds of fucked up that she was naked, and my dick was more than aware of the fact. If Renegade saw me right now, he’d kick my ass.
“Everything’s going to be fine, Nik. You don’t have to do any of this on your own. The club is behind you one hundred percent. You know that, right? It’s not just Renegade. We’re all here for you.”
She sniffled and looked up at me. “No, not everyone. Just you. My brother hardly comes by, and I never see the others unless I go to the compound.”
I bit my tongue before I said something I shouldn’t. I’d thought long and hard about her situation. The fact she lived alone and didn’t have anyone to check on her, other than the club, meant that she’d be safer at the compound. If anything happened, it would take too long to reach her. Hell, that was if anyone even knew she needed help. I wanted her to move behind the gates, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. She wasn’t mine.
The pain in her eyes twisted my insides. I wanted more than anything to see her smile again, to see the happy, carefree Nikki I’d come to know over the years. Renegade kept her from the club as much as possible, and for good reason, but this Nikki wasn’t the same woman I’d been watching for so long. If I hadn’t been preoccupied back then, I might have noticed she was spending time with Bane. Truthfully, I’d tried damn hard not to notice her. I’d known Renegade wouldn’t want her with a brother.
“Nik, you have a lot of people who care about you.”
“Do you?” she asked.
Hell yes! Not that I was going to tell her that. She might only be a decade younger than me -- okay, a bit more than that -- but as far as her big brother was concerned, that was too big an age gap. I found that fucking hilarious considering he was older than me and his woman was Nikki’s age. I knew he was just being protective of his little sister, and I couldn’t blame him. Nik was pretty fucking awesome, even though her world had been ripped apart. The fact she was still standing, hadn’t given in to her grief, proved that she was stronger than she realized.
“You know I do,” I said, deciding to leave it at that.
She glanced at my chest and the corner of her mouth turned up in a slight smile. “You got in here still dressed.”
“Wasn’t exactly going to strip naked first.”
She sighed and nodded, taking a step back. “I’ll finish my shower and get dressed. I promise I won’t take long.”
I got out and waited for her to close the frosted-glass door before I stripped to my boxers. While she finished her shower and got ready, I threw my things in her dryer, including the boxers. The laundry room door was mostly shut and would give me time to cover myself if she came this way. I leaned against the machine and folded my arms, staring at the wall and trying to sort the crap in my head. Nikki was in a rough spot and the last thing she needed was a horny guy taking advantage. It’s why I wasn’t here every day, even though I’d feel better if someone checked on her the days I wasn’t around.
Fact was that Nikki turned me on more than any other woman. It had been that way since she’d turned eighteen and I’d noticed she wasn’t a kid anymore. Didn’t matter. She wasn’t for me. The last thing Renegade wanted was for Nikki to live in our world, and I didn’t blame him. Not even a little. She’d already been roughed up after dating Bane for a short time. She could face much worse if she were permanently attached to one of us. It would put a bigger target on her. Being Renegade’s sister was bad enough, but if she wore a property patch too? Fuck.
No, it was better to be her friend and keep my dick in my pants. I glanced down at my cock, which was so damn hard it hurt. Even now I wanted her. I shut the laundry room door the rest of the way and snatched a towel out of the hamper in the corner. I gripped my cock and gave it a stroke. I knew Nik’s apartment as well as my own home and reached up into the cabinet where she stored her extra shit. Grabbing a bottle of lotion, I slicked my palm before stroking my dick again.
It was wrong, to stand here jerking off to the sight of her in the shower, but it was the only hope I had of fitting back in my jeans at least somewhat comfortably. I closed my eyes, focusing on the feel of her bare breasts pressed against me, how full they were. Grinding my teeth together, I tried to remain silent, but as I tugged harder, I couldn’t stifle my groan. My body shuddered as I came. I caught my cum with the towel, then wiped off my cock and hands. Looking around the laundry room, I tried to figure out what the fuck I should do with the towel.