I carried Oliver outside and buckled him into his seat before getting in the car. The heat was running because a cold snap had come through today. In Florida, it wasn’t often the weather turned cool, but some northern storm had pushed cooler winds down our way and instead of the eighty degrees we’d been having, it was only sixty tonight. I was sure people up north where the temps were in the teens were laughing their asses off at the sight of us Floridians all bundled up like the ice age had hit.
The clubhouse had orange lights strung across the front and cobwebs hanging off the gutters. I knew once the family event was over, it would be business as usual for the single guys, and I was grateful we got to use it first. I definitely wouldn’t be putting Oliver down on the floor, not even if I’d brought his play mat. No telling what was down there, even if it did get mopped regularly. I didn’t trust it.
Ashes got Oliver and the baby bag, then placed his hand at my waist as we walked inside. Clarity and Scratch were at the table in the corner with their boys, Caleb and Noah. Little Caleb was dressed as a knight and Noah was wearing a dragon costume. They were adorable! I saw my brother and Darby with Fawn and little Gentry. Fawn was a princess, complete with tiara, and Gentry was dressed as a lion. My heart ached at the sight of them. I wanted things to be the way they’d once been, but I didn’t know if we’d ever get there.
The past month alone, Ashes had opened up more with the club. I’d watched as he’d kept his distance for the longest time. It had broken my heart. While he still wasn’t as close as he’d been with everyone before, it was nice to see him interact with everyone and relax. My brother just wasn’t one of the men who made that happen. He and Ashes still butted heads every time they were in the same room together.
The door opened behind us and I turned to smile at Cinder, Meg, and their son, Tanner, who wore a scarecrow outfit. The thought of the Pres’s son wearing something so sweet made me giggle, but I knew that tough old man would do anything for his family. A few single guys mingled near a table with food and punch, and I hoped like hell they hadn’t spiked it. That was the last thing I needed while I was breastfeeding.
“Come on, it looks like Scratch is pulling some tables together. We’ll go sit with him and Cinder.”
I nodded and grabbed his hand, following his lead. He set Oliver’s carrier on a chair between him and Scratch, then pulled me down onto his lap. I leaned against him, feeling safe and loved, but then Ashes always made me feel that way. Sometimes I saw the man he’d always been, but there were times he lost his temper in a way that frightened me. I knew it was because of his lost memories and the way he felt, not remembering anything of his life, and the headaches were getting increasingly worse. I couldn’t fault him for it, and he never hurt me or Oliver. The moment he even realized what he was doing, he’d leave the house and go ride for hours. I hated it for him and wished there was something I could do, but the stubborn man refused to see a doctor.
Ashes kissed my cheek, then rubbed his beard against me, making me want him even more. I loved it when he did that. He always kept it soft so he wouldn’t scratch my skin. I’d learned that the stuff he used on it was what I smelled every time he was near. It had a musky oak type of scent that I just loved. Then there were the times I’d wake up and find him clean-shaven. I just never knew which Ashes I’d find from day to day.
Renegade and Darby came over, but my brother looked uncertain as he gazed at me. I wasn’t sure what to expect of him this time and waited to see what he’d say. If he ruined my night, I might very well have to kick his ass. Or at least I’d try.
“Okay if we sit?” he asked.
“Depends,” I said. “Are you going to be an ass?”
He winced and Darby elbowed him. Cinder had already spoken to him, and while he’d been slightly less hostile toward Ashes, he’d still been something of a dick. My big brother might not have wanted me to be part of the club, but I was and there was no turning back. He just needed to accept it.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken out my anger and frustration on Ashes, or attacked your relationship the way I did. I wanted a better life for you, one that wasn’t filled with danger, and I lashed out. Didn’t help that I hadn’t realized you were in trouble and someone else stepped in to help you.”
“Those are excuses, and poor ones at that,” I said. “You beat on Ashes! Then because of you, he got sent off on that stupid run and lost his memory. As if that isn’t enough, you dare to come to the hospital, then tell him that Oliver isn’t his. What the hell?”
Ashes tightened his hold on me. I wasn’t sure if he was thankful for the support or just wanted me to shut up. I was likely embarrassing him in front of his brothers, but I was tired of Renegade’s shit. Yeah, he was a big bad biker around here, but he’d always just be my brother. Family was supposed to support one another. He seemed to have missed that memo along the way and I was tired of the way he was treating Ashes.
Renegade swung his gaze to the man holding me. “I’m sorry I’ve been a dick. It’s obvious my sister cares about you and I shouldn’t have tried to run you off. I just didn’t want this life for her.”
“I can understand that,” Ashes said. I could feel the hesitation in him and wondered what he was holding back. “Are you really the reason I was sent out that day?”
I was surprised he hadn’t already asked more about what happened. Or maybe he was worried what he’d discover. I knew that Ashes wanted his memories back, and yet there were times I wondered if maybe he was better off not remembering certain parts of his past. What would it be like to have a clean slate? A fresh start with no guilt of any past wrongdoings?
“Yeah, I am,” Renegade said. I could see in his eyes that he regretted that decision.
“What’s done is done,” Scratch said. “Nothing we say or do will change what happened. But I may have a bit of good news for you. Havoc tracked down the men Ashes was supposed to meet that day. They were paid off and we were set up. I figured as much when they went to ground right after it happened.”
“That’s good news?” Ashes asked.
Scratch shrugged. “At least we have something to go on. If we can piece together what happened that day, then maybe it will help bring your memory back.”
“Not that I don’t love the fact you’re discussing club business in front of us women,” Clarity said, “but we are here to celebrate Halloween with the kids. Maybe we should get started on the fun stuff?”
Scratch kissed her cheek and nodded. “All right. You and Meg get everything going.”
“I can help,” I offered. “As long as Ashes doesn’t mind watching Oliver?”
My man patted my hip and nudged me off his lap. I knew he adored our baby and normally didn’t mind helping with him. But I also knew he had an image to uphold, and even if the brothers present were all fathers, I didn’t know how he would react. He gave me a wink and a nudge of his chin letting me know it was fine to leave. I joined Meg and Clarity by the table draped with crepe paper covered in pumpkins and ghosts. Someone, likely a Prospect, had even put up some balloons.
“How are things really going?” Meg asked.