Darby was talking to Jordan, and I saw Havoc head in the direction of the other guys. A Prospect was standing behind the bar, but was busy doing something on his phone. I felt so out of place. I never had before, but at other gatherings I’d just been Renegade’s sister. Now I was Ashes’ ol’ lady. These people were my family, yet most of the time I felt like I was on the outside looking in. It wasn’t that they didn’t include me in stuff, but I just felt… like I didn’t belong. Maybe it was because I knew the real reason Ashes had claimed me, and it didn’t have anything to do with him loving me. He hadn’t confessed his feelings until after his injury, and while I’d loved hearing those words, I worried that once his memories came back he wouldn’t feel that way about me. Might even be angry that I hadn’t corrected him. It ate at me all the time.
“What’s wrong?” Josie asked.
“Nothing.” I gave her a weak smile. “I’m fine.”
Josie’s look clearly said she didn’t believe me. I wasn’t ready to confess my fears to anyone. Part of me felt guilty. It was wrong to hope he never got his memories back. I kept telling myself he’d be better off, not remembering any bad stuff from his past, but deep down I knew I was just scared of his reaction to me and how we came to be together. I’d told him quite a bit already, even if I hadn’t told him everything.
The kids played their games, ate cupcakes, and ran wild for over two hours. By the time the party was winding down, I was more than ready to go home. Jordan had held Oliver until he’d gotten fussy and needed to eat. Cinder had let me use his office to feed the baby since I hadn’t been that comfortable breastfeeding in front of my brother. Now Oliver was asleep in his carrier. Ashes gently rocked it every few seconds while he talked to Scratch, but I’d tuned them out. Some of the women hated not knowing what was going on the club, but I honestly didn’t want to know, unless it was going to take Ashes from me.
The Prospects were going to clean up the mess and get things ready for the single guys to start their night of drinking and women. As all the families headed out, Ashes put his arm around me and lifted Oliver’s carrier from the chair. The heated look in his eyes still made my stomach flutter. No matter how much I worried how he’d react when he remembered everything, I still craved his touch. I’d fallen for him, even as I’d told myself not to get attached.
“Ready to go home?” he asked.
“Yeah. I need to get Oliver changed and into bed.”
Ashes kissed my cheek, then stood with the carrier in his hand. He helped me up and led me out to the car. Once Oliver was secure and I’d buckled my own seat belt, Ashes put the car into gear and drove through the compound toward our house. I hurried inside to get out some pajamas for Oliver and a clean diaper. Ashes brought him inside and laid him on the changing table. While I got our son ready for bed, I heard Ashes moving around in the bedroom. The sound of water running made me pause and stare at the wall, trying to figure out what he was doing, but I shrugged it off and put Oliver to bed.
I pulled his bedroom door all the way shut, knowing that we’d hear him on the baby monitor if he got fussy, and I went to find Ashes. My jaw dropped when I entered the bedroom. The lights were off, but he’d lit about a half dozen candles around the room and I saw the soft glow of more candlelight in the adjoining bathroom.
“Get naked and get in here,” Ashes called.
I stripped off my clothes and shoes, then padded into the bathroom. He was laid back in the tub and held his hand out to me. I stepped over the side and let him pull me down in front of him, his legs bracketing my body. Leaning against his chest, I sighed as the hot water seemed to just drain the stress from me. I didn’t know how he knew I needed this, but it was heaven. “You’re pretty amazing,” I murmured.
“There were times tonight you looked freaked out. I didn’t know if someone had said something to you, or if you had a lot on your mind.”
I shrugged a shoulder and skimmed my hand across the water.
“Nik, why do I sometimes feel like you’re keeping something from me?”
Every muscle in my body went tight at his words. My heart started to race and I wondered if my happy little family was about to unravel. Would he force me to tell him? Would he be angry?
“You know I love you, right?” he asked. “Nothing you say or do will change that. I don’t know what life was like between us before, but I’ve learned what an amazing, compassionate, sweet woman you are. And tonight I learned you’re a badass when someone flirts with your man.”
I didn’t feel like a badass. Yeah, I’d gotten jealous and felt territorial, but… I wasn’t like Jordan. I couldn’t kick someone’s ass, even though she’d tried to teach me some self-defense. After Bane and I had been taken, she’d been worried what would happen if I were in that situation again. I’d been beaten badly, but I knew things would have been so much worse if my brother hadn’t shown up that day. It had nearly cost him his life too.
“What would you do if you found out that our relationship was a lie?” I asked softly.
“A lie? How is our relationship a lie?”
I licked my lips and braced myself for whatever he might say or do when I confessed the truth. “You only claimed me because you were ordered to. Oliver’s dad was a Prospect. Bane. I know I’ve mentioned him before, but I never told you everything. Just bits and pieces. He and I were taken and beaten. Bane didn’t make it, but I did, and I found out a little while later that I was pregnant. Your cousin was behind it, me and Bane getting taken. The only reason you spent so much time with me during my pregnancy was because of your guilt, even though I’d told you time and again it wasn’t your fault. I didn’t lie when I said you took care of me after Bane died. You did. It just wasn’t because you loved me.”
He rubbed a hand up and down my thigh.
“When I lost my apartment, you brought me here. Renegade lost his shit and pitched a fit. The next morning you said they’d called Church, but… we were caught together, in the shower.” My cheeks warmed in remembrance. “Scratch said congratulations, you’d just claimed me. So you see, being with me wasn’t your choice. You didn’t love me. You just got stuck with me. What I said earlier… I thought it was what you needed to hear. You may have felt guilty or something, but it wasn’t love.”
Ashes kept stroking my leg, but he was silent. He slid his hand up my hip and across my belly, banding his arm across me and holding me tight. With a slight shift, I felt his hard cock press against me and I gasped, my eyes going wide. He still wanted me? Not that he hadn’t been hard that first time when we’d been caught. Just because he wanted to fuck me didn’t mean anything.
“When I said I loved you, that nothing would change that…”
He left the words hanging and I tried to brace myself. Was he about to ask me to leave? Or at least move out his room?
“I meant it, Nikki. You’re mine. Maybe we didn’t end up together in some fairy-tale sort of way, but the woman I’ve come to know the last few months completely owns my heart. I hate that you’ve carried that with you all this time, worrying for no reason. Would it have changed things in the very beginning? Maybe. I can’t say for sure.”