‘I went to see your friend at the church. She was only too glad to get me some photos and lend me her photocopied recipes. I’m sorry not all of the ones you lost are in there but I got as many as I could – at least, all that Iris had.’
Cathy got to the last page, and on it there was a photo of her, head bent over a mixing bowl.
‘Where did you get this?’ she cried, laughing and crying all at the same time.
‘Iris got someone to take it when you weren’t looking. Do you like it?’
‘Oh, Fleur, I love it! I don’t know how you managed to sneak around to get all this but I absolutely love it!’
Fleur shrugged. ‘I guess you must not be very observant,’ she said with a light laugh.
‘Obviously not,’ Cathy said, laughing too through her tears.
‘Happy Christmas,’ Fleur said. ‘Early Christmas anyway. I was going to save it until we closed up on Christmas Eve but seeing as your other one got ruined, I thought you might as well have it now.’
‘How on earth can I find something as good as this for you?’ Cathy said. ‘It makes the perfume I was going to get look absolutely rubbish!’
‘Cathy, you work for me… you’re the best assistant I’ve ever had. I couldn’t ask for a better gift than that! Besides, it’s a bit amateur really. If I’d had more time and better resources we could have got some really good pictures to go inside.’
‘It’s lovely,’ Cathy said. ‘Perfect the way it is. I like that all the photos are stolen and sneaked from everywhere. Every time I look at it I’ll think about how much thought and effort went into making it and I’ll probably have a little cry.’
‘Don’t look at it too often if it’s going to make you cry.’
‘In the very happiest way,’ Cathy said, running her hand across the glossy cover with a broad smile. ‘It’ll remind me of what amazing friends I have.’
Matthias’s hand was wrapped around Cathy’s as they walked. He’d driven her up to the forest where her mum’s ashes were scattered. He’d wanted to see the place for himself as soon as Cathy had told him how beautiful and peaceful it was. Today it was more beautiful than ever, the mighty evergreens dressed in a glittering frost and the sun sending darts of light to the forest floor through gaps in the trees. The trade-off for all that fairy-tale beauty was a bitter temperature – the kind of cold that froze your lungs as you breathed it in – and the tip of Cathy’s nose was numb and her cheeks were ruddy. But she was happy to endure it because Matthias was with her.
They easily found the tree where Cathy had left Fleur’s holly wreath for her mum.
‘It’s lovely,’ Matthias said.
‘Fleur’s so good to me; I don’t deserve her.’
‘Of course you do. You think she’s good to you for no reason? She’s good to you precisely because you deserve it.’
‘I don’t know about that. I know I’m lucky to work for such a great boss.’
‘That’s probably true,’ he said. ‘And worth a lot.’
Cathy fell silent for a moment as she looked at the wreath. Matthias gave her hand a quick squeeze but he didn’t speak again until she did.
‘How’s Tansy?’ she asked.
‘She’s good. A lot better these days… happier. I think some of that’s down to you.’
‘It’s down to her. She just needed to settle.’
‘She needed someone to understand her. She’s complicated – I’ll admit that. You took the time where nobody else would.’
‘I wish I could say that but I don’t think I did nearly enough.’
‘She told me…’ he hesitated. ‘She told me…’ he began again ‘… that you had a very frank discussion down by the horses.’
‘Did she?’
‘Yes.’
‘What did she tell you?’
‘I don’t want you to worry about what happened when I came back from France,’ he said slowly.
She looked up to see his expression was uncertain and she gave him an encouraging smile.
‘I wasn’t myself back then but I’m alright now; I’m happy. I’m more than happy.’
‘So it’s true? What she told me?’
‘I don’t think I really meant to do it.’ He sighed. ‘I don’t know what I meant to do; I only know that I was glad afterwards that I hadn’t managed it.’
‘I’m glad too.’
‘I just… I’d lost everything I knew and my life had changed so completely. It felt so empty. Erica and Malcolm were doing their best, and even Michelle came over once in a while with Tansy. Then she moved Shane in and Tansy started to come over with Erica…’
The uncertainty in his expression was now replaced with a look of pain and regret. ‘I can’t tell you how I wish it hadn’t been those two who found me. When I think about it, I think that must have gone a long way to screw Tansy up. To see that at fifteen years old…’
He shuddered and Cathy nuzzled into him. ‘It’s not your fault,’ she said.
‘Then whose fault was it?’
‘You were struggling; you needed help. I know you would never have done it to hurt anyone.’
‘Except it did. It hurt everyone I cared about.’
‘Maybe it’s time you started to forgive yourself, just like everyone else has forgiven you. What’s past is past.’
‘I wish I’d been that philosophical back then,’ he said with a wry smile.
‘You really loved her…’
‘Sidonie? Yes, I did. Beau too. I still miss him.’
‘But you don’t miss her?’
He bent to kiss her. ‘Not anymore.’
Cathy smiled. She hoped that might have something to do with her.
Thirty-One
Cathy couldn’t recall the last time her house had looked so bright and cheerful and been so full of noise. Erica had found a station on the radio playing exclusively Christmas songs during the run-up to the big day and she’d insisted they blast them out now as they worked together to decorate Cathy’s living room. It was Cathy’s day off and she’d been planning to do some much-needed organising of her kitchen cupboards – necessary, if a little dull even by her standards. She’d been thinking about asking Matthias over for Christmas dinner, though she hadn’t yet. She’d been trying to gauge whether he’d appreciate the offer or not, or whether he’d really rather spend it with his family, which might make it awkward for him to say no even if he wanted to. She didn’t want to put him in that position, but she’d decided that she’d give the place a good spring clean, just in case.
But then, just as she’d got started, Erica and Tansy had arrived to surprise her with a box of decorations Erica had picked up cheap from a shop that was closing down. A thank-you gift, Erica had said, although Cathy wasn’t sure what she was being thanked for. It was a lovely thought, nonetheless, and Cathy was only too happy to let them come in and take over.
She found that they’d picked out some beautiful pieces for her too. Nothing was tacky and nothing screamed Christmas for the sake of it. They’d chosen some baubles shaped like bright red apples and strings of gold beads and stars. There were wall decorations like woodblock carvings depicting snowy mountain scenes and a wreath of silver-sprayed holly for the door. Erica and Cathy hadn’t known each other long – and Tansy and Cathy even less so – but she was touched that they’d clearly given such care and consideration to their purchases to try to make them the sorts of things they felt she might like. Cathy’s taste in most things was modest and they must have completely understood this because she loved everything they’d bought for her. But then, perhaps she would have loved them anyway just because of the sentiment that had brought them into her home.