“Right...” Casper stalled and shook his head when Hawk tried to pass the joint back. “We’re losing control of our inner monologue,” he said as he tapped his temple.
“We’re?” Hawk asked and Casper hummed as he shut his eyes and hugged his chest. He wondered what it would be like if they fell asleep together, sitting side-by-side. Would Casper wake up with Hawk’s head on his shoulder? I’d bury my face in his hair until he woke up, he thought. I wonder what his hair tastes like...
“Stop!” Casper hissed then smiled at Hawk. “I’m hearing them a lot less tonight but I’ve always got company,” he explained and pointed at his head. Hawk groaned as he squinted at the opposite wall.
“Do these voices ever tell you to harm yourself or others?” He asked and Casper’s eye rolled to the ceiling.
“Regularly.” He gestured at his body then raised his brow at Hawk. “It’s my job to hurt certain people and I won’t pretend I don’t enjoy what I do. I’d have to or else I’d go really mad,” he argued.
“What do you mean by ‘certain people’?” Hawk asked. Casper waved his hand then used it to cover a loud yawn.
“I told you, I don’t hurt the innocent and the only person I’ve ever despised was my father. And I can assure you that Mr. Blink does not send me after upstanding citizens. I’m the solution to problems he can’t solve through the law and in the courtroom. I handle the monsters the police and the mafia won’t touch. I’m very good—possibly the best—because I take pleasure in my work and use my target’s mind and his life against him, as much as possible. If there isn’t time, I’m rather handy with a rifle.”
“You’re a fucking sniper. I heard about the senator.”
“I only have the one eye but it’s very good. Is Lavender still pissed off about that?” Casper asked hopefully and Hawk grinned.
“A little,” he said with a wink, making Casper melt. We’re melting?
“What were we talking about?”
“Why do you work for Blink?” Hawk asked and a soft smile tugged at Casper’s lips.
“Blackhurst Laboratory,” he whispered dreamily.
“Here?” Hawk asked and Casper nodded.
“He’s building it but I can’t tell you where, exactly,” he said and gave Hawk an apologetic cringe. “He’s building it for me and I’ll have full control for as long as I wish to continue as Mr. Blink’s attack dog.”
“And what do you plan to do with this laboratory?” Hawk asked and he sounded concerned. Casper bit down on his lips to keep from grinning like a fool as he anticipated Hawk’s reaction.
“Create twisted new biological weapons, make vaccines and possibly cure cancer...” He said nonchalantly but Hawk coughed and it turned into a laugh.
“Seriously. What are you going to do in there?”
“I’m being completely serious. I’d like to continue to work for Blink but I want to do real research and kill something bigger than dirty politicians, drug lords and shitty assassins,” he confessed and Hawk spluttered.
“Casper... That’s... Not what I was expecting but amazing. Have you always wanted to work in medicine?” He asked and Casper nodded slowly.
“Yes... I would have liked to have been a microbiologist but I couldn’t go to school. My father wouldn’t let me as a child—he insisted he could do a better job educating me—and they wouldn’t let me into college. But Blink’s going to put his name behind me and make them take me seriously. For a cut, of course, but I’d never have a way in without him. I’ll have my dream lab and all the resources I can dream of.”
“Wow!” Hawk gasped and glanced at the window toward the main house. “I was expecting the blood of your enemies or world domination,” he admitted. Casper’s eye tightened thoughtfully.
“I do revenge on my own just fine and I have no use for the world. Half of it’s on fire and there’s no telling if we’ll have anything resembling an economy in a decade,” he said and they were both quiet for several moments before they burst into laughter.
“I have a weakness for fast cars but I could care less about money,” Hawk said, making Casper snort.
“Because you were born with it. It’s everything if you’ve never had it.”
“True. I’ve never had to worry about money but I’ve seen how it warps people and turns them into monsters. Look at Blink,” he said and Casper shook his head.
“He’s not that bad. He’s extremely paranoid and inflexible but he lives by an exquisitely simple code and is brutally fair. Blink has no desire to dominate the world because he appreciates that true power doesn’t come from the wielding of it but from growing and reinforcing your power through smart alliances while keeping a low profile. For him, it’s enough to know he could and he thrives because he doesn’t flaunt the fact and make a target out of himself,” he explained.
“Smart,” Hawk agreed but he was quiet as his brows pulled together and his lips tightened. “You would have lost your laboratory if you left with me.”
“Probably,” Casper said and shrugged casually. I would follow you to the ends of the earth if it meant I’d finally get laid. “When one door closes...” He murmured distantly. All his life, Casper wanted a chance to be taken seriously and to prove he wasn’t just a monster and that he could make beautiful, brilliant things. But he’d never been touched by a kind hand until Hawk tackled him. So few people had touched Casper over the course of his life but those touches always trembled and recoiled in disgust. But not Hawk. He touched Casper with intention and trust and open curiosity. And Hawk’s curiosity wasn’t cruel or mocking; he wanted to learn and empathize. Hawk touched Casper like he wanted to know him and heal him. I’d give anything—even a lab—to make you mine and I’d murder legions and cover the world in fire to keep you.
“Sometimes, but I’m glad Blink didn’t call your bluff because I can’t let you give up your dream,” Hawk said. Casper wrinkled his nose as he waved dismissively.
“I haven’t had much luck with dreams so my expectations aren’t very high but there are always other dreams to be had,” he replied, denying the tiny but warm spark of hope in the center of his chest.
Chapter 12
“This looks...good.” Hawk scanned the freshly remodeled kitchen and worried that it was too fresh and bright for Casper so he ran to the window and pulled down the shade. He remembered to start the coffee maker and grabbed the syrup from the pantry and placed it next to Casper’s plate. “Now, it’s right,” he said and turned and hurried from the kitchen. He leaned and listened but it was still quiet upstairs. He quietly took the steps two and three at a time and peeked around the door before he tiptoed into the bedroom. He was still sleeping and the covers were pulled over his head so Hawk dropped onto the bed and gave Casper’s shoulder a quick shake.
“What?!” Casper’s arm swung and Hawk caught his wrist.
“Breakfast,” Hawk said and Casper’s eye immediately brightened as it went to the door and he sniffed like a feral animal.