“Is it?” Hawk asked and took a fortifying breath as he came around the counter and sat on the stool next to Casper’s. Casper nodded and became serious and Hawk had to duck his head to see his face.
“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to share breakfast with someone but I’ve never been invited. Or, if I was, it wasn’t sincere and only out of obligation,” he said quietly. Hawk’s jaw twitched and his heart ached for Casper.
“You’re always welcome wherever I am,” he vowed and Casper’s face swung and he was bright and hopeful again as their eyes met.
“You’re not just saying that?” He asked but it sounded like he might believe it until Casper’s eye narrowed and he gave his head a quick shake. “Don’t ruin this for me!” He whispered tightly before he blinked and smiled sunnily at Hawk. Well, it was sunny for Casper and the kitchen began to float.
“I’m not just saying that,” Hawk murmured soothingly as he rested his elbow on the counter and scooted closer so he could give Casper an affectionate nudge. “I like having breakfast with you, you spooky asshole.” Hawk winked and was delighted as a pink stain spread across Casper’s cheek.
“That’s the kindest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
Chapter 13
He was still smiling when he woke up the next morning. There were no intoxicating aromas but Casper dreamt about breakfast with Hawk. And they kissed. Casper lied to himself and imagined that Hawk almost kissed him and it was perfect in his dream.
“You can have a few sips of water but I’m afraid we’ll have to wait for breakfast until after the operation,” Hawk whispered when he shook Casper awake.
“What time is it?” Casper growled as he ground his palm into his eye.
“Just after 4:00. Everything’s ready. You’re going to have to put on the gown and the robe, though,” Hawk said apologetically and they were waiting on the floor, next to the bed. Casper scowled at them as he sat up.
“We couldn’t have waited until after the sun came up?” Casper said petulantly.
“The sooner we start, the sooner you can eat?” Hawk offered helpfully. Casper slid him a dubious look as he yanked the t-shirt over his head. “Easy with the saline lock!” Hawk complained. “I don’t want to have to run another.”
“I’m not here to make your job easier,” Casper said as he shook out the gown and shoved his arm through one of the holes. Hawk chuckled as he went to the lamp and turned it on.
“Seeing as it’s your leg I’m operating on, it might behoove you,” he observed.
“It might but it doesn’t,” Casper informed him as he reached for the robe but Hawk hissed and winced.
“The boxers need to come off too,” he said gently. Casper’s lips pulled into a severely disgruntled frown but he wiggled and shifted until he was able to remove them. He rolled them into a tight wad with the t-shirt and stuffed them under his pillow for later. “Ready?” Hawk asked as he offered his hand.
“No but I’d like to get this over with,” Casper said. He grabbed Hawk’s hand and was pulled to his feet. Hawk hushed and cupped Casper’s cheek. It was the angry, warped side but Hawk was seeking and sincere as everything around them and in Casper’s head stopped.
“It doesn’t have to be an amputation. We can look at a series of surgeries and save as much as we can but you’re going to need so much hardware and we’re just delaying the inevitable,” Hawk warned but he smiled as his hand moved to Casper’s shoulder and gave him an affectionate squeeze. “But we can do that and I’ll see you through to the end, no matter what you decide. I’ve got nothing but time,” he added, shattering Casper. All Hawk would see were the tears that flooded Casper’s eye and the slight wobble of his lip but his ears rang as everything inside of his chest exploded and the concussion rolled through him. He saw sparks as his skin prickled and Casper’s face was numb as all the We’s ricocheted in his brain. ‘I’ve got nothing but time.’
“I want this,” Casper said in a shredded whisper but he wasn’t talking about the surgery. He wanted something so much more precious and elusive. No one—in Casper’s entire existence—had ever cared enough to give him time. No one cared enough to promise they’d stay and Casper never let himself hope anyone would.
“Good. I’d give you another piggyback ride but the gown...”
“I know,” Casper sighed heavily. He hated being carried but he adored riding on Hawk’s back. After their perfect breakfast, Hawk carried Casper back upstairs to the lab for a few hours of supervised tidying and puttering around. Casper used one of the crutches and the counters to get around as he worked but Hawk turned and gallantly offered his back so he could carry him downstairs for lunch. They ate pasta with a spicy vegetable marinara—which was incredible—but the meal was magical because Casper suspected that Hawk nearly kissed him again. You wish, a voice jeered. “So. What of it?” Casper asked and held up his arm so Hawk could pick him up.
“Thank you,” Hawk said as he swung Casper off his feet. “And I think you’re brave,” he said with a gentle tap of his brow against Casper’s.
“I’m insane,” Casper corrected and Hawk shrugged as he carried him down the stairs.
“Clearly, but you’re brave too.”
“I don’t know if you can be brave if you don’t recognize danger,” Casper mused until his eye caught on the golf cart parked in front of the cottage. The door was open and Casper recognized danger as Hawk chuckled and strode off the last step and headed for the cart. “What’s that for?” Casper asked warily and Hawk paused.
“That’s how I’m getting you to the house,” he replied slowly and Casper shook his head.
“I don’t want to go to the house,” he stated firmly as he twisted and pushed at Hawk’s arms.
“What?” Hawk laughed as he struggled to hold onto Casper. “Where did you think we were going to do this?”
“I don’t know... The kitchen?” Casper suggested loudly and kicked off the door as he thrashed. Hawk cursed as Casper rolled out of his arms and landed on the floor in a tangled heap of black silk and wild hair.
“I can’t do an amputation in the kitchen!” Hawk yelled. He grabbed at Casper’s limbs as he crawled and kicked to get away.
“No! I don’t want to go!” He screamed and grabbed an umbrella. He flipped onto his back and launched it at Hawk like a spear but he swatted it away.
“Fucking...!” He spat in frustration and caught Casper’s left ankle. “Would you...” He jerked and pulled Casper before he could reach the lamp. “Come here!” He dove and Casper grunted as Hawk landed on top of him and pinned his good arm to the floor. Hawk used his lower body to keep Casper immobile and they were right back to the beginning, nose-to-nose and panting. It was delicious and Casper didn’t want it to end. “I need a decent operating room and I need help, Casper,” Hawk whispered against Casper’s lips. Casper shut his eye and prayed. “Please.” It was just a breath before the softest touch of warmth against Casper’s lips. He shivered and almost nodded until he remembered that he didn’t want to be unconscious in Blackhurst and he didn’t want anyone else touching him.