FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 11:40 AM
SUBJECT: RE: Too early for pet names
I looked him up on that dating app and he was there, all out and proud.
Internalized homophobia.
Another thing I will add to the list of research you’ve given me. AKA Reprogramming.
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 12:03 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Too early for pet names
He’s on Pegasus?! More importantly, so are you!
I’m more than happy to supplement your gay awakening with a little education and reprogramming, but eventually you must fly on your own, my precious.
Also, I need Ethan’s last name… you know… for research.
P.S. Did you look up the sex toys?
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 12:15 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Too early for pet names
I deleted my profile after I found Ethan. I guess it freaked me out a little. It’s totally self-centered, but I worried that the attention he gave me might make people think I was like him. Which I am. But I’m not ready to admit that to anyone around here.
His last name is Calloway.
P.S. Not yet, still mind fucked over the whole “Ethan situation.”
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 12:43 PM
SUBJECT: The Ethan Situation
It’s a bit self-centered if you want the truth, but I think it’s human to feel that way. His attention is something you’re not ready to deal with and that’s fine. It’s too bad, though, because Ethan is very easy on the eyes. Speaking of eyes, WOW. What color is that? It’s like caramel. Those arms too. I like how matter of fact his bio is. Who doesn’t like an assertive power bottom?
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 12:59 PM
SUBJECT: RE: The Ethan Situation
I had to look up the definition of power bottom.
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 1:05 PM
SUBJECT: RE: The Ethan Situation
Of course, you did, Precious.
We messaged like that, back and forth, on and off, for a while, looking up shit Wilder had said, and eventually, sex toys, to my own detriment. Who knew they made dildos shaped like dragons and fists? I flinched as I flipped through the images.
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 2:30 PM
SUBJECT: Education?
Dragons? I feel so overwhelmed by all of this, to be honest. Or maybe shocked is a better word? I don’t think I’d ever be into any of this stuff.
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 2:35 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Education?
And you don’t have to be. But it’s healthy to explore, I think. Maybe we should have started you off with something simple, like cock rings and flavored lube?
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 2:39 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Education?
Are you into this stuff? Or maybe I shouldn’t even be asking?
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 2:42 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Education?
It might be too soon in our “relationship” to reveal all my bedroom quirks. But you can rest at ease, the dragons and fists are not my type of fun. I’m too vanilla for all of that.
Jason knocked on my door and I jumped. “Mom’s home. Are we still going to the beach?”
Shit.
“Yeah, buddy. I’ll be right out.”
I typed out a quick email to Wild.
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Jul 16 2:46 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Education?
This educational experience has been… Terrifying? Eye opening?
I have to run though, taking my little brother to the beach.
Talk to you later,
Jordan
P.S. Thank you for today.
I closed out of everything and cleared the browser history before I stood and stretched, my limbs feeling stiff. I couldn’t believe how long we’d let the conversation go or the path it had taken. My head was still trying to process everything when I opened my bedroom door.
“Can we stop and get fries on the way?” Jason asked, slipping into his raincoat.
I stepped into the hall with a chuckle. “Sure thing.”
His smile was bigger than the world, and as we walked to the kitchen to tell Mom the plan for the afternoon, I couldn’t help but feel lighter somehow. Talking to Wild again, he made me laugh, made me feel something other than that constant anger and fear I carried around all the time, even if it was all confusing as hell.
“Jax? I don’t think I’ve seen you smile like that… ever. It’s like you stole all the sunshine right out of the sky.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and rubbed the back of my neck. “I don’t know what you’re going on about, Momma. It’s just a smile. I’m not a hard ass all the time.”
“Please don’t swear in my house.” She pulled me into a hug and whispered, “I just want to see you happy. So, whatever it is that’s got you smiling. Keep it up.”
If she knew that I’d been looking up prostate massagers and other paraphernalia all afternoon, I don’t think she’d so willingly approve. I wasn’t even sure I approved.
She wiped at her eyes as she pulled away. “Where you boys headed?”