She snatched the phone out of my hand. “You will do no such thing.”
“Oh God… I can’t do this.” Panic surfaced. I held on to the table and took a deep breath. “I think I hate you now. How far away is Marietta?”
“Maybe thirty minutes. If the traffic is good, less than that.”
“And how long ago did you text him?” I asked, nausea working its way to the top of the shitty-things-about-this-night list.
She swiped her thumb over the screen of my phone. “Twenty minutes ago.”
“Christ, that means he’ll be here soon.”
Her shoulders shook as she laughed. “You’re a mess.”
“Your fault.”
She hummed. “He probably had to get ready, right? I bet you still have plenty of time to Calm. The. Hell. Down.”
“There is no way I’m going to be calm about this, June. The last time I saw him I broke down into tears and destroyed a fucking coffee mug.”
“You were caught off guard. Now you’re prepared.” I glared at her. “What? You know he’s coming, right?”
“I have like forty minutes until he gets here. That isn’t even an adequate amount of time to prepare for a blind date, let alone the guy who ruined you for all other men, and who I am hopelessly and pathetically still in love with.”
“At least you look hot.”
“Yeah?” I asked, tugging at the hem of my red mesh top.
She smiled and shook her head. “Yeah… I think he’ll have a hard time keeping his hands off of you.”
“Stop. Not happening.”
She narrowed her eyes. “We’ll see.”
“We haven’t seen each other in over nine years, except for that whole coffee shop debacle. I think talking is more appropriate.”
“Since when have you ever been appropriate?”
“I’m so nervous right now that I might actually throw up. Sex is the last fucking thing on my mind, okay.”
“Okay.” Her smile was soft. “I’m sorry… I was trying to distract you from losing your shit, I guess.”
Gwen showed up with a drink like the goddess she was, and I might’ve finished mine in one gulp. She laughed and handed me hers. “Figured you’d do that, so I ordered one for myself just in case.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“You’re gonna need that more than I will.”
“Don’t get too wasted,” June cautioned. “You want to be able to have a coherent conversation, right?”
“Coherency is overrated.” I took a small sip from my glass to make her happy. “But… I think if I’m going to make it until he gets here, we should probably go join your co-workers on the dance floor.”
I tucked my phone into my back pocket and followed my friends, letting the sea of people envelop me, letting the music move me. As much as I wanted to be pissed at June for inviting Jax, she was right. I wasn’t ever going to let him go. We were inevitable, like a storm surge during a hurricane, there was nothing to stop the flood from devouring everything in its path. I had nothing left to give anyone because I’d already given all of myself to Jax.
“You okay?” June asked.
I finished my drink, letting it burn its way down to my stomach. “I will be.”
We danced and I promised myself I wouldn’t worry about the time or look over my shoulder at the door every five minutes. And for the most part, I held up my end of the bargain. But as more songs played, and more time passed, I found myself checking the door and scanning the crowd. What if he came and didn’t see me? What if he showed up and realized it was a gay bar and ran home with his tail between his legs?
“Stop looking at the door,” June said, offering me a pink and green shot.
I ran my fingers through my hair, letting the unruly waves fall across my forehead. “I’m not.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
“What is this?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just told the bartender to make me some shots.”
I sniffed it and it smelled like cotton candy. “Are you trying to make me sick?”
She tapped her glass against mine. “To best friends.”
We both swallowed the overly sweet drink at the same time.
“That wasn’t too bad,” she said.
“It was terrible.” Laughing, I turned to set my shot glass on one of the tables near the edge of the dance floor and froze. “Oh, shit.”
“What?” June turned toward the door. “Is that him?”
Jax moved through the crowd, his six-foot-four frame towering over everyone. The gray shirt he had on hugged his shoulders and biceps, and Jesus Christ, I didn’t know if I wanted to run away or hop right into those big arms. Arms that, I was sure, felt as safe as they had nine years ago.
“I’m so screwed.”
“Wow.” June took my hand and I held on for dear life as his eyes landed on mine. “Yeah, you are.”
He stopped, and even from across the dance floor, I could feel him.
“You sick yet?” June asked and I shook my head. “Good, because he’s headed this way.”
“Remind me again why I shouldn’t hate you for this?”
She didn’t get to answer.
“Hey.” His deep voice resonated through me.
June tugged at my hand when I didn’t respond.
“I… I didn’t think you’d actually come,” I managed to say.
His face flushed. “I wasn’t sure you’d want me to. But I figured I don’t have much to lose.”
June’s lips spread into a smile and she let go of my hand. “I’m June, by the way.”
He shook her hand, and for a moment I was jealous that she got to touch him. “Jax, thanks for inviting me.”
“Want a drink?” she asked, but his green eyes stayed fixed on me.
“Probably shouldn’t… I’ve gotta drive myself home.”
“I think you’d be alright if you had one. Might help you relax a little,” she said and when he laughed, I wanted to melt into the floor.
What the hell was wrong with me? I should hate him. But I saw the way his hands were clenched tight at his sides, and how the muscle in his jaw pulsed, the worry in his eyes. He was just as nervous as I was.
“Wilder? Do you want another drink?” June asked.
“Maybe some water.”
“I’ll tell Gwen.” She smiled up at Jax. “It’s nice to finally have a face to put with the name. Don’t run away before I get back.”
If I could, I’d stab her.
“We’ll meet you over at the table,” I said and nodded toward the back of the room where we’d sat earlier.
“Alright,” she said, and left to find Gwen.
He followed me to the back of the club, and without Jax’s eyes on my face, I was able to breathe and remember I wasn’t some love-struck kid in college. We had a lot of history between us. He showed up here looking like he ate men’s hearts for the thrill of it, but that didn’t mean I was ready to hand him mine on a platter. Heat radiated off his body behind me as we navigated the room, and despite everything, it steadied me. I kept my eyes on the tabletop as we sat down and was grateful he took the seat across from me.