Or her temper.
She crossed the hall and almost made it to the entry when he appeared there, and they both froze.
He cleared his throat. “Lady Cassandra.”
Heavens, why was his voice so deep and mystical. His steely gaze pierced her, and she was drawn forward as if he speared her like a fish.
Drat it! She couldn’t even breathe.
Cassie swallowed and forced herself to speak. “Lord Reardon.”
They were never so formal with each other. This aching awkwardness would not do; she’d choke on her own tongue before anything meaningful was said.
“Tea?” she asked. Tea would take the pressure off.
“Please.” He waved toward the drawing room.
“I’ll order tea—and sandwiches—after all, you must me hungry after your travels.”
“I’d very much appreciate that.”
Daniels and the maid hovered near the pantry door. Cassie plastered on a fake smile. “Tea and sandwiches, please.”
Then she followed Sidney into the drawing room. She took a deep breath and sat in her usual spot with Sidney taking the chair across from her. A glass-topped table etched with a delicate border of flowers separated them.
“I saw them leave,” Cassie admitted. There was no use hiding it or anything anymore. Hiding feelings were what got her into this tangled web.
“Oh? An unusual meeting, I must say.”
“Lady Delilah is nothing if persistent. And spoiled.”
He half smiled, and her stomach did strange things.
“She thought to buy me. Like a horse or perhaps a pretty bonnet.”
“As a bonnet, you’d not be pretty. You’re too practical. You’d be made of straw with little adornment, I think. At most, a band of fabric in a neutral color.”
He smiled at her now. “Should I be insulted?”
“Are you? Would you like to be a pretty bonnet?”
Tristan entered and halted. “I’d heard—never mind. I’ll go.” He backed out slowly. Cassie and Sidney watched him with amused smiles.
“He’s frightened,” Sidney said.
“At last, I’ve won the sibling battle.”
He snorted. “All it took—”
Cassie swallowed. She tried to think of something light to say, but the silence after all it took hung between them. The tension was broken by the arrival of tea and an assortment of sandwiches.
Cassie poured the tea and Sidney filled two plates.
They filled the next few moments with eating, then Cassie set her cup down, and waited until he swallowed his bite before speaking. Her stomach was too full of nerves to eat a whole sandwich, but he’d finished two in the span of minutes.
“How was your journey?” she asked.
“The way to London had good weather, the journey back took longer. I was forced to stop more frequently.”
“And…everything went well?”
His gaze was steady on hers. “It occurred to me on the way back that I never…asked you to marry me.”
“We were not given the choice.”
“But you should have one.”
“So should you,” she replied. “It occurred to me that you might have someone else you intended to marry. I asked my brother, but he wasn’t much help. I don’t want you to be stuck with me.”
He cleared his throat and took a sip of tea. “I’m not stuck.”
“Good. What happened…it shouldn’t have to be a life sentence.”
“But it does.”
Their gazes locked. Heat washed through her as memories of the night that she tried not to remember came flooding back. She wasn’t ashamed. She had no regrets, but she was afraid if she dwelled on them too much, it would be that much harder to let him go. Her first taste of desire had been addicting. She couldn’t control her dreams, but she’d staunchly avoided her waking thoughts when it came to the way he’d touched her, and how good it had felt to be caressed.
“Kisses are enough to warrant marriage,” he said.
“Not if they’re secret. I intended it to be secret.”
“But you still intended it to happen.”
“Why yes, how else was I to determine if—”
He leaned forward ever so slightly. “If what?”
She remembered the time at Old Bill’s grave. How she’d drawn strength from him to voice her fears.
“Will you sit beside me? Looking directly at you is making this difficult.”
He raised a brow, but he got up and moved to the spot beside her. Cassie stared at the tea in her cup as if she could divine the right words. The words that wouldn’t embarrass both of them but declare everything that needed to be said.
“I admire you in so many ways. I thought that a kiss would make you see me differently.”
“It’s impossible not to see you. You shine like the sun.”
Cassie drew in a breath. “I didn’t want things to happen like this. I had hoped you’d court me and, in time, feel the way I do. I didn’t—I still don’t know how you feel.”
He reached for her hand and folded it in his. “I feel lucky. I’m marrying an amazing woman full of spark and compassion, kindness, truth, and courage.”
She met his gaze. “Truly?”
“It doesn’t matter how we start. It matters how we mean to go on. If you’ll have me. Will you marry me?”
Was this an official proposal? Her ears were doing the stuffy thing again where she wasn’t sure what she was hearing.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Chapter 10
The following day they married, choosing to have the ceremony outside, with only Cassie’s family in attendance and then an afternoon luncheon. It went off without a hitch, with Tristan having forgiven him and her parents acting as if nothing at all was out of place.
But every time he looked at Cassie, something felt off. He asked her to marry him, she didn’t appear regretful, but there was something missing. Her vibrancy, her shimmer seemed dull, and he couldn’t help but notice. Did anyone else see it?
“I still don’t know how you feel.”
“I feel lucky.”
Lucky? Lucky? How could he have been so dense? He should have said—well, something more romantic than lucky. But he’d locked his emotions inside for so long, he’d lost the key.
The vicar led the ceremony, but they did not kiss. It was not mentioned in the pronouncement of husband and wife. Was that on purpose? Everything seemed so…transactional, and Sidney hated it. No wonder Cassie appeared somber. This was hardly the wedding she deserved.
He wasn’t precisely eager to kiss her, not in front of her family, and the idea of spending their first night together under her parents’ roof, with her brother down the hall, made his stomach squirm. He decided to hold off until their journey to Star Frost. He’d speak to her about it first. He’d already upgraded his cabin on the ship to something more presentable to a new bride, but his nerves were shredded and the one person he should be talking to, he couldn’t. He didn’t know the words to explain his long-held yearning for her. Would he come off too strong? Frighten her with his ardor?
Looking back at the night of the Mistletoe Masquerade, he couldn’t tell reality from fantasy. Had she enjoyed it? Had she been willing? It was those thoughts that made him hesitate and pull back. But the more he questioned himself, he knew he was just stalling.