He’d dwelled so much on the unknown that he was only procrastinating like a coward. All the answers he needed could be found with a simple conversation.
Why was this so difficult?
He could tell her how he felt, but doing so felt like willingly impaling himself on a hot spike. He’d hidden these feelings for so long that revealing them now was akin to torture. Tristan was his closest confidant, but in this, he could turn to no one. After the luncheon, Cassie disappeared and Sidney went in search for her.
A foreboding had settled over him, and he refused to let this day become any worse for her. They’d appeased her parents, but it was clear Cassie wasn’t happy, and Sidney wouldn’t stand for it.
He searched the house for her, looking in her usual favorite spots. When that proved fruitless, he ventured out to the grounds, searching the stables, but her horse was in its stall. Then the gardens, but the paths were vacant. He at last found her by the pond, somberly tossing pebbles into the dull green waters. He paused before she became aware of his presence and watched her. He liked to utilize observation before entering into any conflict, so he could feel out the best path. Not that they had conflict, no, they had a chasm between them of misunderstanding and things unsaid.
The Mistletoe Masquerade had thrust them into this future, with neither willing to admit straight off what they had intended by their actions, or if they even knew. He certainly hadn’t. He’d acted without thought, indulging in impulse and lust.
Look where it got him. He had to take control again. He had to make it right, not just in the boundaries of society—they’d done that—but in the depths of his conscience and her heart.
He wanted it. The whole of it. This would not be a marriage of convenience. She was his wife now, the woman who’d remain at his side for the rest of their shared life. He wanted not only her happiness, but her love, her joys, her sorrows, her pain. All of it.
They had to begin again, not as Tristan’s friend and Tristan’s sister, but as Cassandra and Sidney.
Sidney moved closer and she turned, sensing she was no longer alone.
“My lord.”
“No need for that now, is there. Sidney will suffice.”
She half smiled, but her inner feelings were shuttered.
“Why are you out here alone?” he asked.
“I needed a place to think.”
“It’s been an unusual day, hasn’t it?”
She froze, startled by his statement. “It has, not how I pictured my wedding, if I’m to be honest.”
“Please. Don’t hold anything back, not from me.”
She met his gaze warily. “What are your feelings about today?”
“I’m glad the scandal will be put behind us, and that I am now safe from Lady Delilah’s manipulative clutches.”
Cassie laughed. “You are most welcome.”
“But I do wish it could have been different, less of a forced occasion, and more of a happy…occasion, I suppose.”
“My mother agrees with you. She always envisioned a grand wedding for me.”
“I hope she isn’t angry with me.”
“She’s not. She’s pleased I’m married either way. She only wishes she could have seen her vision come to life.”
He stopped beside her, hands in his trouser pockets. “What was her vision?”
“A spring wedding, peonies, orange and pink, all of her friends melting with jealousy.”
“Melting?”
“Yes, they’re very competitive.”
He chuckled. “I see. But what would you have wanted?”
She chewed her lip. “I’m not sure. I never gave it much thought other than—” She blinked and looked away.
His heart lurched. “Than what.”
“Than who I might wish to marry.”
His gut tightened. “Oh.”
“It wasn’t a trap. Just…poor planning.”
He smiled. She’d said as much before, but it must be weighing on her.
“I believe you. Two women can’t have planned to trick me into marriage in one night. I’m not so vain as to believe that.”
She half smiled. “But I was vain enough to believe that one kiss could change your mind about me.”
His breath caught. Dare he ask? How long had she wanted him? How long had they lived like this, together, but apart?
He’d thought Tristan would never allow it, but if Cassie had wanted it all along, could they have avoided this entire mess by simply being honest with themselves and each other? Probably, but life was never that simple. He’d never had the slightest inkling that she wanted anything more from him than…casual acquaintance.
Was he blind or just stupid?
It didn’t matter, they were married now. They belonged to each other, except… there was still this awkwardness. Having never spoken of their feelings.
Until now. Why not now?
He scanned the area. They weren’t precisely alone. Anyone could come upon them and eavesdrop without being seen.
He was a private person.
Then he spotted the row boat.
“Shall we take the boat out?”
She raised brow in surprise but nodded.
“I haven’t rowed in years, but some things can’t be forgotten, can they?”
“I suspect not,” she answered.
“You can swim, can’t you?”
“Of course, though the water is freezing. I don’t want to find out if that is a skill I remember. I can’t recall my last swimming excursion.”
He chuckled. “Nor do I.” He handed her into the small boat with two benches. He pushed off and stepped in, then used the oar to get free of the reeds and mud.
The boat rocked, and she giggled as she held on while he slowly balanced and lowered to the seat, setting the oars in their locks and digging the paddle into the water.
The day was fine, the sun bright, but the air cool with a distinct nip when the breeze picked up.
The pond curved in the shape of a bean with large willows and bunches of reeds speckling the edge. They weren’t alone, nor were they always visible. Not that he needed strict privacy, just room to speak without being overheard.
“I’m glad we could slip away and have this time to talk without interruption. We’ve had very little of it to date.”
“I’m sorry if any blame was cast on you for my actions. I know my family holds you in great esteem.”
“And I them, which is what makes this so…difficult.”
“And awkward. Tristan said he chose you. He believed you and supported you.”
“And here I thought he would never approve of me—or anyone for that matter. He’s very protective of you.”
“And of you.”
They shared a smile.
“For all his faults—of which there are many—he has a big heart.”
“For his family, at least,” Sidney said.
“You are his family now. You’ve always acted as brothers do.”
“I longed for a brother my whole life.”
“Now you have one.”
“But I fear this unexpected change will put a rift between us.”
Sidney was silent as he rowed. His chest felt warm after her observation. Tristan was now his brother-in-law, and Lord and Lady Summers now his parents. His head felt strangely light. Tristan has said everything was fine, but there was a new tension there, an awkwardness that had never been there before.