Now with this sexy man’s hand on my bare belly, I wish it would move between my legs.
“There are parts of your body that are sensitive and feel good when touched,” he says as if teaching me about something simple rather than sinful. “Have you ever touched yourself here?” he asks as his finger strokes my right nipple. My back arches slightly, and that single touch sends heat through my entire body. Remembering his question, I shake my head. “But you liked that, yes?”
Swallowing, I’m afraid to speak and break the spell he’s put me under. Or I’ve put him under. I don’t know what led him to this moment or what happens next. I just hope he doesn’t stop.
Kai gives me a tender kiss on the lips as his finger slides back and forth over my now-hard nipple. “A man can use his tongue on your nipple too,” he whispers before licking my flesh through my shirt and sending another wave of heat through my body. I instinctively run my fingers over where his tongue tasted me. Breathing faster, I can’t speak. I only stare in his eyes and beg him to keep going.
“I want to help you orgasm, but you might not be able to the first time. We can still try if you trust me.”
I nod as his hand disappears under my shirt and teases my bare excited flesh. Squirming, I’m afraid of how lustful I feel between my legs. Is that normal? Should I touch myself or ask him to?
“Breathe like I showed you,” he says, inhaling through his nose to remind me how. “Keep calm, so you don’t wake Anika. I need you to focus on me.”
“I am focused on you,” I babble after giving a quick glance at where my baby sleeps deeply. “I want you.”
“I know, but we can’t rush. I need you to know your body before you can know mine.”
Letting my gaze roll over his tanned chest and broad shoulders, I work up the courage to caress his nipple like he does mine. Then his hand is gone, and Kai watches me with a disapproving frown.
“You aren’t listening, Sunny.”
I instantly lose my confidence and look away embarrassed. Kai kisses my cheek and whispers, “You’re rushing to get to the end, but this is the fun part.”
Feeling scolded, I avoid his gaze.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asks and kisses my throat.
“No.”
“Are you angry?”
“No.”
“Are you lying?”
I don’t answer because I am angry. Why can’t I touch him? Why do I need to breathe like he says? I’m a grown woman. I should be able to feel like I want.
“Do you trust me?” he asks again, forcing my gaze to meet his.
Kai knows I’m not strong enough to deny him. Everything about this man provides comfort and hope. How can I tell him no?
“Before you give yourself to me, I want you to understand how sex feels when it happens willingly. Most people touch themselves and learn what they like. You never got that chance. Tonight, we’ll explore your body together.”
I understand what Kai wants and why I need to listen. I do trust him. When his fingers return to my bare nipple, and I breathe too fast, I inhale through my nose and then blow out slowly through my mouth. I keep calm so he won’t stop.
“Touch your nipple,” he whispers, sliding my loose shirt up until both of my breasts are revealed. “I’ll kiss this one.”
My breath catches as I pull at my right nipple, and he sucks on the left one. His hot lips send shockwaves through my entire body. The heat even reaches my curled toes.
“Let’s remove your sleep shorts,” he whispers. “I want to show you more.”
Nodding, I very much want to do that. My body is alive in a way I’ve never known before, and I need more. Pushing down my shorts, I kick them to the bottom of the blankets. I don’t worry about how I look or if I’m doing something wrong. Or maybe I am worrying because Kai kisses me gently and asks if I’m afraid.
“No,” I say, believing my denial.
“Tonight is just one night. You and I will have so many more together,” he says, staring in my eyes as his hand palms my belly. “I know you don’t believe we’ll survive, so you think everything needs to happen now. But I believe we’ll spend a lifetime together. That’s why I don’t want to rush. Do you understand?”
No matter his words or hopes, I want to feel his hand between my legs tonight, right now. Kai waits for me to nod or speak. I finally do the first one and his palm slides from my belly button down to my private area.
Breathing faster, I stare at Kai, whose gaze watches his hand’s descent. My body goes stiff with anticipation. My thighs open. I know what will happen. Not exactly, but I know where the parts go together. That’s where his fingers will make me feel an orgasm. I’m ready.
“There’s a spot right here,” he explains as his finger caresses inside me. “It’s called your clitoris or clit. It’s very sensitive. Have you ever touched yourself here?”
With my eyes closed, I groan quietly as he slides his finger along the flesh. I can’t think clearly enough to answer him. My entire brain is focused on the spot between my legs, where he gently teases a part of me that I didn’t know existed. This isn’t the hole part where the penis goes in. This is something new and wonderful. I can’t believe it’s been there all along.
I fall apart with every stroke. When Kai’s lips return to my nipple, I break down a little more. I can’t think straight. My entire body is on fire. I feel both electric and gooey. I’m lost in my head, where there’s only pleasure. Every stroke brings me closer to something powerful, but I’m not afraid. I need to grab hold of what the cult hid from me.
Then my body shatters under the weight of so much pleasure. I feel the orgasm down to my toes. All my walls break down, and I’m completely open.
And it’s instantly too much. I see myself on the bed, top pushed up, pants gone, my private parts exposed. I’m a common whore giving into her sinful desires. I hear Jedediah’s words as clear as if he were in the room with us.
You’re filthy. Just like your mother. You’re corrupt. Look at your child, filthy now because of you. You deserved all the pain at the hands of the Children of the Black Sun. We knew what you were. What you would always be. It’s why your mother died and why you’ll die. It’s why Anika will die.”
Kai holds me while I sob against his chest. I know I’m too loud. Anika will wake up scared. I’m a bad mother. A whore like they said. I wanted those men to rape me. I caused their lust because I’m bad.
My mind and heart rage at me for being what Jedidiah warned. I’m foul. I’m sin incarnate. I’m why Kai and Neri and Cobain and my sweet baby will die. I did this to them.
Through the screaming in my head, I hear Kai’s heartbeat. Strong and steady like the ocean waves playing on the tablet. Kai can’t be stopped. And he feels lust. He enjoys music and spicy foods and kills without fear. Kai is beautiful inside and out in a way that Jedediah and the cult can never be.
My choice is clear. I can listen to Kai, or I can listen to the Children of the Black Sun. If one is right, the other must be wrong.
I choose to listen to Kai’s heartbeat, and the ocean waves splashing on the video. He’s my path to salvation. I silence the cult’s lies by listening to the man I love.