As much as I’d rather have Kai remain with me, I keep my mouth shut and watch the siblings bicker in another language. I wish I could do that thing Neri does with Cobain, where she knows how to move or smile right to make her man bow to her. Kai soothes me, but I never soothe him. One day, I hope that’s no longer true.
Jake finally says something to his children in Spanish that makes them both smile.
“I’ll go with you,” Kai tells me and takes Anika back in his arms. “My mama is a great cook. We’ll see what we can make for dinner.”
Mia stops staring at her husband and smiles at her son. “I only know how to make a few things.”
“But you make them so well,” Kai murmurs and gestures for her to follow.
I mimic Mia’s smile and follow them to the kitchen. Behind us, Jake, Neri, and Cobain go to their tasks.
“We’re in luck,” Kai announces as he opens the freezer. “We have lots of options for dinner. If we’re forced to remain here for a few days, we’ll be well-fed.”
“I don’t know how to cook,” I tell him.
“I don’t know what that is,” Mia says, pointing at a large piece of meat.
Kai never loses his cool. Smiling at the three of us, he shrugs. “Okay, well, maybe we’ll just have Cobain cook for us, and we’ll be his helpers.”
“Cobain is the big man?” Mia asks.
“Yes, he’s Neri’s big man.”
Mia clearly missed this detail earlier and giggles behind her hand now. “You both found love,” she finally says after flushing bright pink. “No wonder Jake is so mad.”
“Papa doesn’t like change,” Kai says and hugs her. “So, it’s good that we’re making all the changes at one time. Soon, it’ll be like Sunny, Ani, Cobain, and Robin were always part of the family.”
“Robin?” Mia asks, confused now.
Kai sees a chance to distract Anika from the storm by asking her, “Who is Robin?”
Grinning, she cries out, “Dog!”
“That’s right. We have a new pet.”
“I don’t like dogs,” Mia announces.
“Ah, but Robin is a lonely, old dog who needs our love. His former owner left him behind, and his new owner is a giant grump.”
With so little effort, Kai has the three of us eating out of his hand. Mia and Anika stop focusing on the storm and instead look around the kitchen for goodies. I find a brand of cookies I remember from my childhood. Opening the package, I inhale the scent of chocolate chips. I’m afraid to take a bite, though, and ruin the happy memory. What if they don’t taste as good as I remember?
Rather than eat the cookies, I close the package and follow Kai back to the big room where he finds a TV hidden inside a shelf.
“Remote?” Anika asks, following him around now. “Please?”
Kai flashes a smile at me when he hears her remembering her words. “Here it is. Be careful. The sound might be loud when it comes on.”
After helping her turn on the TV and lowering the sound, Kai lets her go wild with pushing the buttons. Every place we stay at has a different kind of remote. I don’t know why the world has so many choices. Or how Kai and Neri never seem bothered by all of them?
Anika finds a cartoon that isn’t scary and joins Mia on the couch. They gently take out snow globes from the case and shake them. Watching my daughter and Kai’s mother bond, I feel left out. I want to shake the snow globes too, but is that only a kid thing? I can’t be a child anymore. Leaving the homestead doesn’t mean I get to have my childhood back. I have to be a grownup, and that means I can’t play.
But Kai and Neri played in the pool. And Mia isn’t a child, and she’s playing with the snow globes. Except they’re hers, so maybe she doesn’t want me to touch them. I’m not a cute little girl like Anika. But she let me touch them earlier. I don’t know what to do. Am I allowed to ask? I don’t want to embarrass myself with Mia. Kai loves his mom so much, and I want her to think good things about me.
Mia suddenly notices me watching her, and her nervous expression makes me feel guilty. Lowering my gaze, I don’t know the right way to behave.
“Sunny’s mama died when she was a child,” Kai explains to Mia.
“Was she a good mama?” Mia asks in a way that makes me think her own wasn’t good.
“Yes,” Kai says, wrapping his arms around me. “Her mama loved her, but she died, and Sunny’s father took her somewhere bad. I think Sunny sees you and misses her mama.”
I fight my tears, knowing crying is a mistake. Anika will get upset if I’m upset. I need to stay calm.
Kai, though, whispers, “Don’t hide from those who love you.”
I look at him and shake my head. “Crying doesn’t make anything better.”
“Perhaps, but it doesn’t make anything worse.”
“Anika will get upset.”
“Then she can give you a hug, so you feel better. Then I’ll give her a hug, so she will feel better.”
I wipe my eyes and smile. “How are you so perfect?”
“I had a happy childhood, and I’ve found my woman and child. It’s easy to seem perfect when life hands me such blessings.”
Mia looks at Anika and then at me and then at Kai and then back at Anika. She does this for nearly a minute before nodding.
“Kai is perfect,” she says.
Her son chuckles. “She always says that.”
“She isn’t wrong.”
“I seem perfect because things are easy for me. They aren’t easy for you, but you’re still perfect to me.”
Smiling bigger now, I relax against him. “I don’t know the right things to say or do.”
“No one does. We’re all just guessing.”
Just then, the thunder booms, and the TV flickers. Anika stops wanting the snow globes and now reaches for me. Forgetting about feeling sad or nervous, I comfort her. I’m getting better at knowing how to be a good mama after watching the way Kai and Neri treat Anika. They don’t tell her to hush or expect her to hide inside her head. They want her to feel the world, not just survive it.
Mia sits next to where I hold Anika. Every sound of thunder causes her to flinch. Unable to stop myself, I wrap my arm around Mia and hug her to me too. She seems so small in my arms even though she’s a grownup. Comforting Mia and Anika make me feel stronger. Being a grownup isn’t so bad. A little kid can’t do lots of stuff I want to do with Kai.
When I look up at him, his expression startles me. His golden-brown eyes are filled with so much love and pride. I bet his expression could keep me warm for the rest of my life.
Kai loves us despite our flaws. Or even because of them. When I think of how amazing Kai is, reaching his home feels more possible. Every time something gets in his way, he quickly deals with the problem and keeps moving forward. Nothing can stop him.
NERI
Papa and I make quick work of removing weapons from the main living areas. He talks to me during the process, mostly about how Mama cried every night we were gone. He isn’t trying to make me feel guilty, though.
Mama cries a lot. Her feelings are easily hurt, but she also quickly rebounds if someone distracts her. Papa felt a lot of pressure being the only one around to cheer up Mama. We’ve always been a team of four with a select few outsiders allowed into our world.