Using what I’ve learned in class, it’s better not to stop whatever you’re doing to have a conversation like this. People don’t like to make eye contact when discussing something that may make them uncomfortable, so I keep walking, but I don’t drop the conversation.
“I would’ve thought something like that would’ve triggered you,” I say, testing the words, speaking them in a quieter tone even though I know I can’t take them back.
Caleb doesn’t respond, the measurement of several breaths floating between us before he acknowledges what I’ve said.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. That guy sort of accosted us, but I knew who he was and I had just kicked him out of the bar. It’s something I’m used to doing. Something that felt like second nature.” He shrugs his shoulders and it makes me realize he’s able to function well when it’s something he’s used to, almost like it’s become a rote skill. “Did it scare you?”
Now it’s Caleb who stops, taking my face in his hands, he kisses my forehead. His calm demeanor has changed and his brow is now furrowed as he scans my face. Worry is blanketing the air between us.
“I don’t want you to think…” Caleb starts, but I quickly shake my head.
“No, it didn’t scare me. You didn’t scare me. I was just worried about you and how you were doing.”
“I’m okay, Ruby. Thank you,” he now says, kissing me softly on the forehead again, letting his lips linger against my skin. I can feel the warmth of his mouth calming both of us. “Thank you for trusting me to…” Again he doesn’t finish his thought, but I can almost hear his words in my head.
Thank you for trusting me to be able to control myself.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Caleb
We walk in silence the rest of the way home, only stopping to grab something for dinner after that asshole knocked Ruby’s tacos out of my hand. Even though things feel okay between us and I managed to handle the situation without totally losing my shit, I still feel like crap.
I didn’t want to react the way I did, pining that guy to the ground and threatening him like that. And more than anything, I didn’t want Ruby to see that side of me, the angry, unpredictable side that I knew was lurking somewhere inside me.
It’s not like I’d ever do anything to hurt her, not a fucking chance, but there is a part of me that’s worried that maybe deep down, what happened in Providence changed me. Changed me in a way I can never come back from. That maybe buried somewhere inside me is a monster just waiting to come out.
“You okay?” Ruby asks, squeezing my hand as we walk inside.
I turn to her and smile. “I’m okay, really. I’m just sorry I ruined your dinner plans.”
Ruby smiles, pressing up to kiss me. “I’m having dinner with you. My plans aren’t ruined at all.”
Inside the house is quiet, Reid and Sienna still out. I move into the kitchen to grab us some plates and utensils, but Ruby stops me, putting the food on the kitchen counter.
“Dinner can wait for a bit,” she says, with a smile, before taking my hand and pulling me toward her bedroom.
Inside, she closes the door before pulling me closer, wrapping her arms around my waist as she looks up at me. I tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear, searching for the right words to say to her. Words that tell her I’m sorry for what she saw tonight, that she has no reason to fear me or worry that I’m going to do something.
But the words don’t come and instead, I lean down and press my mouth to hers, kissing her in a way that I hope says everything I’m unable to.
Afterward, we take a shower and grab our dinner, eating it on the couch in front of the TV. We are still there when Reid and Sie come home.
“We’re back! Make sure you’re decent!” Reid calls out from the mudroom.
I chuckle as Sienna walks into the living room, stopping with her hands on her hips as she gives us both a once over.
We’re on the couch, me with my legs on the coffee table, Ruby sitting beside me. My arm is wrapped around her shoulders as she leans her head against mine, but this is nothing new to all the other nights we’ve watched TV together and they’ve seen us sitting like this before.
“Hey, Sie,” I say, giving her a smile.
“Hello,” she replies, brows narrowed as her gaze flicks from me to Ruby and back to me again.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my tone casual. Reid is standing in the doorway, casually leaning against the frame with a grin on his face.
“What’s going on here?” Sie asks, pointing at us.
Ruby shrugs. “Watching a movie,” she says. “Wanna join us?”
Sienna exhales, almost in annoyance, throwing her arms up in the air as she looks at Reid. “Ugh, these two are so annoying,” she says, stomping over to him. I watch as he laughs, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.
It’s fucking funny messing with them and even though I’m sure they must know something’s going on between us, they’ve yet to say it outright. Almost as though they’re looking for a way to bust us instead.
It drives Sienna the craziest too, probably because out of her brother and her best friend, she’d expect at least one of us to say something to her.
“What’s wrong, Sie?” I can’t resist teasing.
She rolls her eyes at me, scoffing and pulling Reid with her as she walks out of the room.
“I think we’re making her mad,” Ruby mock-whispers as she looks up at me.
“I know, right? It’s great,” I say laughing.
“Do you think we should just tell them?”
“Hell no,” I say, kissing the top of her head. “Let them sweat a bit longer. They’re gonna give us so much shit. It’s good to let them suffer, too.”
Ruby laughs, shaking her head as she snuggles closer and we finish watching the movie together.
“Motherfucker!”
I shake my head, trying to figure out where the sound is coming from.
“Motherfucker!”
I look around, but it’s dark and my eyes don’t seem to want to focus.
“Motherfucker!”
Panic starts to rise inside me, my heart pounding in my chest as I turn, my eyes scanning the darkness, searching for the owner of the voice. It sounds strangely familiar, as though I’ve heard it before, but is now muffled or muted somehow.
“Motherfucker!”
I suck in a lungful of air, my heart smashing against my ribs as—
“Caleb?”
I hear the sound of my name, the concern in the voice of the person saying it.
“Caleb.”
This voice is different, softer, kinder, so familiar.
“Caleb, wake up, you’re—”
My eyes fly open and I see Ruby hovering over me, a look of concern on her face as she places a hand against my cheek.
“Shit,” I breathe out, my heart still pounding inside my chest. It was a nightmare, a fucking nightmare.
“Are you okay?” she whispers, and I can hear the worry in her voice now.
I take a deep breath in, trying to get my heart to slow down. I scrub both hands down my face, letting out the breath on a long, slow exhale. “I’m sorry.”