It’s hard not to totally agree with her and given the context of the situation it happened under, it was understandable. He needed me and being close to me calmed him. It’s something we’ve learned through all of this.
“I’m okay. I just don’t want this to derail any of the progress Caleb has made.”
“Did he seem worried about it?” she asks, but then she shakes her head. “He wouldn’t be. I know Caleb and he’s way too levelheaded to let something like this stress him out. Even if you did end up pregnant, he wouldn’t let it rattle him.”
“I’m not going to end up pregnant,” I assert, her words like a punch to the throat. The idea of having a baby at twenty-two just seems like too much.
“You’d look ridiculous in a tube top with a pregnant belly.” Sienna wrinkles up her nose and shakes her head.
“No I wouldn’t!” I shout back, arguing with her over a hypothetical situation. “I would look so cute. I’m totally going to be one of those moms who’s super skinny with a cute belly.”
Sienna lets out a riotous laugh, her head falling back and after what feels like too long, she finally says, “Please. You know both of us are going to be fat. We eat everything in sight already. Imagine when we’re eating for two. And besides, you can’t get pregnant till I do and then we’re having our babies together so they can be best friends, too.”
“I’m glad you find all of this funny. It has me fucking stressed out and you’re over here planning our future.”
“Sorry. I’m just trying to cheer you up. Take the day off and head over to health services. I can pretty much guarantee you aren’t the first girl who will walk in there today for the morning after pill.” She blinks, casually knowing this is a college campus and things like this happen frequently, and she then shoots me a sympathetic smile.
“Thanks, Sie,” I say, standing up and walking over to where she’s sitting. I lean down and hug her, knowing I can’t imagine my life without her or without Caleb.
It’s late when Caleb gets in and despite being exhausted from the day, I wait up for him, lying in bed staring up at the ceiling.
“You awake?” he whispers in question when he walks in the room. I can hear him shuffling around in the dark and it makes me smile a little. I love that he’s so conscious of me sleeping and trying to keep quiet. His thoughtfulness is something that is so endearing.
“I’m awake,” I whisper back, not wanting to talk too loudly in case Reid and Sie are sleeping. “Go take a shower and I’ll be waiting for you.”
Caleb leaves the room and my thoughts begin to swirl, thinking about how this isn’t the first thing in our relationship that we’ve gotten through, but like his PTSD, it’s something that could divide us.
A few minutes later Caleb climbs into bed next to me, smelling of coconut, his body warm with the leftover heat of the shower. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me close and he lets out a hard sigh, his body melting against mine.
“How was your night?” I ask, my words still a whisper in the darkness of the room.
“It was fine. Nothing exciting. Glad to be back here with you.” His fingers trail along my back, tracing circles as I feel the comforting rise and fall of his chest as he breathes into my hair. “Are you okay after what happened last night?” he asks, testing the words.
“Yes, everything is fine. We’re fine,” I tell him reassuringly, my lips pressing soft kisses to his bare chest. “I went to health services today and got the morning after pill and I’m back on the pill too.”
“Ruby,” Caleb says, my name a bite on his tongue and I shift so I’m up on my elbow and Caleb follows suit. “Why did you go without me?”
I let out a mix of a scoff and a laugh. It’s not like I needed his support or anything and besides, he doesn’t need more stress.
“I went without you because you were at the gym with Reid and it wasn’t a big deal.”
“I would’ve gone with you,” he says, grabbing my chin and tipping my head up so I’m looking at him. “It won’t happen again either. You’re not the only one responsible for birth control. Condoms from now on.” He smirks now, his seriousness gone.
“We’ve got this under control,” I tease. “We make a good team.”
“You’ve got me under your control, Ruby and you don’t even know it.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Caleb
Despite the rocky start, the rest of the week passes without drama. Things between Ruby and me are good too. The whole me having a nightmare again, followed by the sex without a condom thing, somehow making us even closer.
Which is not to say there haven’t been any more nightmares, there have, I’ve just been lucky enough to somehow wake up first without waking her in the process. The dreams don’t even make sense anymore either, just random quick images and feelings, all of which leave me feeling anxious, as though I’m missing something, even though I can’t work out what that could be.
Most of the time I manage to fall back asleep, Ruby none the wiser, but tonight I can’t, and instead, I find myself lying awake, surfing the net on my phone as Ruby sleeps beside me.
I pull up the Google search engine, going through the usual routine of searching for Reid’s dad and any updates on his situation. But as usual, there’s nothing new to report. He still sits in a jail over in Rhode Island and I’m still here, safe in California.
So why won’t these fucking nightmares just stop?
Why can’t I accept that that part of my life is over? That I’m safe now, happy even, with this new life I’ve found myself in?
I should be. I’m with my favorite people. I’ve got a job that I enjoy, a place to live and a girl that I’m falling hard for.
Actually, a girl I have fallen hard for. A girl I’m in love with, if that’s even possible considering how fucked up I am.
Exhaling, I shut off my phone and place it back on the nightstand, rolling onto my side as my hands reach for Ruby, pulling her close. She mumbles something in her sleep, her face turning toward me as she buries it against my chest.
I close my eyes, focus on the soft sound of her breathing, of her warm body against mine and the feel of her in my arms.
I’m happy.
I’m safe.
This should be enough now.
The bar is busy tonight, being a Friday and I know even though I’m supposed to be finishing early so I can head to a party with Ruby, Sie and Reid, I’m probably going to end up being late. Even though I’m the manager, I feel like I need to stick around when things get busy. It’s an old habit from back when we had our bar and Dad would struggle to cope with the crowd and managing things.
“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be gone?” Adam yells over the crowd of people waiting to be served.
I turn to him, brow raised as if to say seriously, as I gesture to the people lined up in front of us.
Adam just grins, waving a hand in dismissal as he says, “Go, we’ve got this.”
I shake my head and continue serving people, knowing there’s no way I can leave when things are like this. Business has definitely picked up since I took over and I can’t help but be a little bit proud of that, knowing I did this. That despite losing our bar back in Providence, I can run things and make it work.