After another hour or so, I spot Ruby coming in, her eyes wide as she takes in the crowd. She makes her way toward me, smiling as she squeezes between some people standing at the bar.
“Hey you!” she half shouts over the noise.
“Hey,” I grin, leaning over the wooden bar top to give her a quick kiss.
Despite how much fun it was to mess with Sie and Reid, it is good having everything out in the open now. Being able to kiss her and touch her whenever I want to. Which is apparently all the time.
“Busy in here tonight,” she comments.
I nod. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m running late.”
Ruby shrugs, snagging a stool as someone next to her leaves. “It’s okay. I get it. I can wait for you.”
I want to tell her to go on ahead, that truth be told, I don’t really want to go to this party because I know it’s going to be filled with people and noise, all of which feels suffocating to me.
And even though the bar is crowded and loud, it’s different. Here I’m separated by the bar, a wooden barrier that prevents anyone from getting too close, from accidentally touching me or getting in my face. And the noise is something I’m used to, something that feels familiar, even here on the other side of the country.
But at the same time, I know she wants to go to this party, that it’s kind of the first time she and I are going to go anywhere as a couple in front of people she knows.
“Dude,” Adam says, nudging me as he flicks a glance at Ruby. “Get out of here. We’ve got this, seriously.”
I throw the towel over my shoulder, glancing around as the rest of the staff all move about, serving customers and getting things done. I know the place won’t fall apart without me.
“You sure?” I ask, letting out a breath.
Adam grins. “Yes! Go be with your girl. I’ll see you later.”
I nod, before holding up a finger to Ruby telling her to give me a second before I disappear back to the office to grab my things. In the quietness of the back room, I stop for a second, take a deep breath as I mentally try to remind myself that I’m okay, that I’m safe, that I’ve got nothing to be afraid of anymore, before walking out and joining Ruby.
“Ready to go?” I ask, taking her hand.
She smiles up at me, leaning up to kiss my lips, a wave of comfort washing over me at her touch. “Yep.”
We head outside and make our way toward home, neither of us talking as the sounds of a college town on a Friday night surround us. Even though it’s almost December, it’s warmer than I’m used to and it’s still a shock to see so many people outside when it’s almost winter.
“So where is this party again?” I eventually ask.
“Couple doors down from Reid’s place,” Ruby says, air-quoting the Reid’s place part because we both know he basically lives with us now. Something that will soon be official when his lease ends. “Do you want to take a shower before we head over?” she asks.
I lift my arm to my nose and sniff. “I don’t know. Do I need to?”
Ruby laughs, turning herself into me as she presses her nose against my chest and inhales deeply. I watch as she lets it out slowly, a low groan falling from her mouth at the same time. “Nope, you’re all good,” she says.
I grin, wrapping my arm around her shoulder as I pull her closer. “How is it that you can make smelling me look sexy?” I ask, kissing the top of her head.
Ruby shrugs, her arm sliding around my waist. “A gift, I guess.”
I can hear the party before we even reach the house, the sounds of music and people yelling and laughing, spilling out into the night air. As we approach, I notice crowds of people spilling out of the front door and onto the front lawn, the music blaring and the lights bright.
I feel Ruby squeeze my hand as she takes it in hers and when I glance down, she’s looking at me with a concerned expression on her face. “You okay?”
I force a smile, even though I already know this is the last place I want to be. But as much as I hate it, I know I need to do this, not just for her but also for me. I need to try and get my life back, try and be normal again.
“Yep, I’m good.”
Ruby stares at me for a few seconds. “We can go whenever you want, okay?”
I lift our joined hands to my mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of hers. “I’m good,” I tell her, even as I can feel my heartbeat kick up a notch, tapping out a hard rhythm against my ribs.
“Caleb!” Reid suddenly yells as he comes barreling through the front door, Sienna close behind. He walks over and throws his arms around Ruby and me, pulling us close as he laughs and says, “About time you got here.”
I slap his back once, knowing he’s a little drunk right now, just like everyone else at the party. “Some of us have to work and be responsible,” I say jokingly.
Reid waves my comment away as he points toward the house. “Come on, let’s get you a drink.”
Ruby and I follow him and Sienna back inside the house. Almost as soon as I walk through the front door, I know this is a mistake. The room is filled with people, everyone jostling and yelling, with barely any room to move. It’s hot too. And loud. Music is blaring from two huge speakers in the living room, the unmistakable smell of beer, bodies and weed, filling the air.
Ruby squeezes my hand again as we follow Reid toward the kitchen. He seems to carve a path through the crowd that lets us slip through, Sienna between Reid and me and Ruby at my back.
Just as we reach the kitchen though, someone is shoved, the body crashing into mine and nearly knocking me off my feet. Ruby’s hand tightens in mine as I steady myself, my heart pounding as anxiety prickles my skin.
Fuck.
I really don’t want to be here.
“I’ve got you.” Ruby’s voice is calm and soothing, her breath warm against my ear as she places her other hand against my back and gently pushes me into the kitchen where there’s a little more room.
I move toward the corner, turning so I’m facing the room as I pull Ruby against me. Reid hands us both a beer, tapping his bottle against mine before taking a long pull.
I do the same, relishing the cold liquid as it slides down my throat. As I lower my head, I catch a glimpse of my sister watching me from beside Reid.
“Are you okay?” she mouths.
I nod, wrapping my arm around Ruby as I pull her so her back is against my chest, almost like a shield against the rest of the room. Reid leans on the counter beside me, his shoulder almost touching mine as though in reassurance, Sienna beside him as they both start to talk to people hanging around us.
Inside, my body feels like it’s going haywire, as though every nerve is firing, but not in a good way, misfiring almost. My heart continues to pound in my chest, which now feels tight, as though wrapped in a vice. I feel my skin heat, a light sweat breaking out and making me feel clammy.
The room feels impossibly hot, the noise so loud I can barely hear what anyone around me is saying. In front of me, Ruby and Sienna are deep in conversation, their heads close as they talk, while Reid is distracted by some of his teammates.
Suddenly the song blaring from the stereo changes, the pop music getting cut off and replaced by something heavier, something that has a deep pounding base that I feel all the way to my bones. It feels like the whole house is shaking, the windows rattling as everything starts to feel louder, closer, and more and more oppressive.