‘Yeah.’ Penny looks relieved to be here too and that’s good to see.
‘You have friends who’ll support you through it,’ I remind her. ‘Don’t struggle with this alone. If you need to chat or to see a friendly face, you’re welcome at the farm anytime.’
She looks at the rest of the cottage and then we all sit to share lunch. There’s a nice, festive atmosphere and it’s good to see that Lucas and Penny are getting on famously. I even hear him laugh.
Matt looks across at me and winks. Well done, he mouths.
Thanks, I mouth back.
After lunch, we leave them to settle in. They wave at the door as we head down the long drive and back towards the farm. We pull up at the gate and I sit in the car next to Matt, enjoying his company. I have much to do, but am reluctant to get out of the fuggy warmth with the heater on full blast, toasting my toes. My eyes are heavy and I’m drowsy, feeling the effects of my missing night of sleep earlier in the week that is now catching up with me.
‘That was a job well done,’ he says.
‘I feel happier now they’re out of that situation. I hope they like it there. Shelby says they can stay as long as they like.’
‘That’s very generous of him.’
‘He’s a good man,’ I say honestly. This is a very kind thing for him to do.
‘Lucas seemed a bit quiet,’ Matt notes.
‘Long story.’ If there’s one person I can confide in, it’s Matt. ‘He’s no longer going to be a dad. The baby isn’t his. She has a much older lover. Married. It seems that Aurora was possibly already pregnant when they met. She’s been stringing him along all the time.’
‘That’s harsh, but there must be a part of you that’s relieved.’
‘There is,’ I admit. ‘But I’m hurting for Lucas. He’s devastated.’
‘Poor lad.’
‘A tough lesson,’ I agree. ‘But he’s young and I hope he’ll bounce back. I’m trying to spoil him a bit at the moment. Help him through it.’
‘Is Shelby supportive?’
‘He doesn’t even know,’ I confess. ‘Lucas won’t hear of it.’
Matt nods. ‘My lips are sealed.’
‘I know that I can trust you.’ And I do. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more straightforward, genuine man.
‘I’ll look out for him,’ Matt says. ‘If you need me to.’
‘I’m sure he’d appreciate that.’ I smile. ‘I know that he likes and respects you. With Lucas, that’s a rare thing.’
Matt laughs. ‘I take that as a very great honour.’ Then he glances at his watch. ‘I’ll have to go. One last job to do for today.’
That means I have to get out of the lovely warmth of his car and the comfort of his steadfast company.
‘I’ll see you soon, Molly,’ he says. ‘Not long until Christmas now.’
‘Do you know what you’re doing yet?’
‘Going home to my family,’ Matt says. ‘Just for a few days, but it will nice to see everyone. I haven’t been up there for a few months.’
‘I hope you have a wonderful time.’
‘My sister will make sure that I’m fed on the hour, every hour. I’ll come back as fat as a house.’
‘That’s what Christmas is all about.’
Matt laughs. ‘What about you?’
‘A quiet one. I expect it will just be me, Lucas and Shelby.’
We have both been studiously avoiding making plans. I don’t even know if he wants to spend it here or at Homewood Manor and I’ve yet to hear if the contract is signed – though I feel it’s a given.
We’ve still been Skyping each other while the panto continues unabated, but with less regularity. There are secrets hanging between us now and I feel that withholding so much from him makes conversation more stilted. We never really get beyond exchanging pleasantries. Perhaps this is the difficulty of long-distance relationships.
‘I’ll try to pop up again before I leave,’ Matt says. ‘I’d like to wish Lucas a merry Christmas.’
I look to see where Lucas is, but he came back with Bev and must have already disappeared into one of the barns. Having taken the morning off, we have a lot to catch up on this afternoon.
Reluctantly, it’s time for me to go out into the cold and get on with my day. ‘I should go.’
Matt leans over and gently kisses my cheek. ‘Merry Christmas, Molly.’
‘Merry Christmas, Matt.’
Then I open the door, get out and go through the gate. Matt reverses down the lane and I watch as he goes. My head is whirling with all kinds of thoughts and emotions, but I can’t catch onto any of them. However, I do know that I’ll be glad to see the back of this week.
Chapter Seventy-Seven
We don’t have students here at the weekend, as a rule. So, today, it’s just me and Lucas. Yesterday, he spent most of the day secreted in his room, only coming out for meals, so I hope he’s feeling a little more amenable today. All I want is a nice, quiet Sunday with no drama.
All the animals seem fine this morning. The alpacas are well-behaved and even Anthony the Anti-Social Sheep is quite sociable. The temperature is dropping rapidly and we seem to have our own much chillier micro-climate here on our exposed site so I give everyone a little extra food as we’ll do all through the winter.
When Lucas eventually wakes up, he’s in a reasonably good mood, which is a relief. ‘You seem a bit better today,’ I venture as I pour some cereal into a bowl for him.
He puffs out a world-weary breath as he slides into a seat at the table. ‘Life goes on, right?’
‘It does.’ I put his breakfast in front of him and, with a little more than lethargy, he tucks in. I join him and we eat in companionable silence.
Eventually, he looks up from his bowl of cereal. ‘I wrote a poem about it.’
I glance at him hopefully.
Preceded by a lot of tutting and sighing, he says, ‘I suppose you’d like to hear it.’
‘Very much so.’
‘OK.’ Lucas flicks open his phone and, on a deep breath, says, ‘ “The Unfired Bullet”.’
My slate is clean
my page unwritten,
my slice of life
as yet unbitten.
My conscience clear
I’m indecision,
no prejudice to queer my vision.
No allegiance
no concern,
no moral compass to discern no hopes,
no dreams,
no blind ambitions,
no regrets,
no learned repressions.
Everyone is equal
until the day they’re born
a king is not a king
until his crown is worn.
Anything is possible
when nothing has been done,
I’m the unfired bullet
in the barrel of your gun.
‘That’s so sad,’ I say. ‘Beautiful, but very sad.’
Lucas flicks his phone closed. ‘None of it is a barrel of laughs, is it?’ He lifts his pale face to me. ‘On the bright side, I’m finding misery quite motivational.’
‘Oh, Lucas.’