I thought he might come back to pack up his stuff, but apart from one suitcase, Ken will see to it all and ship it on to him. Ken, it transpires, will be joining him out there for the foreseeable future.
Lucas sits and calmly takes it all in. He doesn’t rail or rant and I’m so proud of the mature way in which he handles this news – another blow, no doubt, on top of everything else. Shelby, on the other hand, looks devastated. Now that he’s said it all out loud, perhaps it seems more real to him. He comes to the end of his speech and we all fall silent.
I jump in and say, ‘It’s a great opportunity for your dad.’
Lucas rolls his eyes at me and picks up his phone again.
Shelby looks at me, eyes pleading – for what, I don’t know. He’s leaving. There’s very little else to be said.
Conversation is, at best, strained as we finish lunch and, as soon as we’re done, we both walk Shelby to his car. He hugs Lucas and, for once, his son doesn’t resist. Perhaps there’s a small sign of capitulation here.
Then it’s my turn and I step into the warmth of Shelby’s arms. I remember how all this started and how I had so much hope for us all. For a moment, I’m almost undone. From the way that Shelby is holding me, I feel that he might be regretting accepting this move which has been on the cards for so long.
‘I’ll message you on Christmas Day.’ He looks like he might cry or change his mind and not leave at all.
For a moment, I think about begging him to stay. Parting isn’t ‘sweet sorrow’, Mr Shakespeare, it’s bloody agony. The pain threatens to take my breath, but I don’t want Lucas to know that I feel like this, so I hold it all together for his sake.
Shelby kisses my hair before reluctantly letting go of me, and climbs into his car. As he passes us to go out of the yard, Shelby leans out of the window and says, ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
‘Have a safe journey.’
We close the gate and Lucas climbs on it as we watch him go. As the car turns out of the lane, he looks at me and sighs. ‘We’ve both been dumped.’
‘I let him go, Lucas. It was the right thing to do.’
‘He’s a knob,’ Lucas says as he jumps down next to me. ‘He thinks it will make him happy out there, but it won’t.’
‘You might well be right,’ I agree.
‘It will be better with just you and me,’ Lucas says. ‘You wait and see.’
I think he’s right about that too, but for now, my heart feels shattered into a thousand pieces.
Chapter Eighty
I have very little time to nurse my broken heart as Christmas Eve is, somehow, suddenly upon us. It’s the last day for us to have students on the farm and I’m very pleased to say that we’ve got a full house. To celebrate, Bev is cooking us a veggie Christmas dinner with her special nut roast and, thanks to a generous donation from a local supermarket, Christmas pudding to follow.
Everyone is in an excitable mood. The tea room is full to bursting. The tables are laid out in a long line and are set with all the festive fripperies. Crackers that the kids have made in their craft sessions are given pride of place and are adorned with holly, berries, angels and stars. They are, without exception, totally wonky and all the more adorable for it. There are pretty centrepieces fashioned from holly that Anna has made in a much more professional style and Bev has splashed out on some red paper napkins. Everyone is wearing the traditionally awful paper hats – also handmade. The weather has been terrible for the last few days, so there has been a lot of indoor activities which are now in evidence.
It’s all hands to the pump today and it takes time to get everyone settled. It’s like herding cats. Lucas is on serving duty and Penny’s mum, Jess, is here to help too. The only person we’re missing is Matt. And, if I’m honest with you, I am missing him.
‘Jack, you sit here,’ I instruct. ‘Asha, will you go next to him, please?’
‘Can I go to see the hens, Molly?’ Jack asks. ‘There might be more eggs.’
‘This is a joining-in time, Jack,’ I tell him. ‘Remember we’ve talked about those?’
‘Ah, yes,’ he says. ‘I’ll join in, then.’
‘That would be nice. You can collect the eggs when we’ve had our lunch and tidied up.’
‘Right.’ He looks worried. ‘You won’t forget?’
‘I promise you. We’ll do it together.’
‘Good. Good.’ He sets about straightening his knife and fork until their symmetry suits him.
‘If you want a job to do, Jack, you could pour a glass of the sparkling clementine juice for everyone.’
He jumps up, always eager to please. ‘Yes, I’d like to do that.’
‘Do it slowly,’ I remind him. ‘And not too full. I don’t want any spilled on the nice table. Think you can manage?’
‘Slowly,’ he parrots. ‘Not too full. Yes, yes.’
‘Good, lad. The bottles are on the table over there.’ I point it out to him. ‘Shout if you need help.’
‘Erin, can you and Lottie go there, on the end?’ I try to place them all with their particular friends, but by the time I’ve done that it will be Christmas. I suppose I could have written name cards, but they all would have just ignored them. I usher the rest of the students into empty chairs and hope that they’ll stay there for at least a few minutes until we serve lunch. They start moving instantly, so I give up and just shout, ‘Leave a space for me near the kitchen, please.’
That will have to do.
Lucas has found some Christmas songs on Spotify and they’re blaring out, competing with the high level of chatter and general merriment. I head to the kitchen where Bev, Alan and Jess are already busy. I join Jess in laying out the plates ready for Bev to dish up.
‘How are you liking the manor cottage?’ I ask Jess as we work.
‘It’s great,’ she says. ‘I can’t thank you enough, Molly. We’ve only been there for a short while, yet for the first time in years I feel that I can breathe properly.’
‘Have you heard from your husband?’ I venture.
‘He started to bombard me – and Penny – with calls and texts. I didn’t answer them and now I’ve changed my phone number. I’ll have to contact him in the New Year to start divorce proceedings, but I hope I can do all of that through a solicitor.’
‘Good for you. I’ll help wherever I can. Meanwhile, try to relax and enjoy Christmas together. You’ve got plenty of food in?’
‘Yes. It will be nice for me and Penny to spend a relaxing time together without worrying about . . .’ She tails off. ‘Christmas has always been a bit of a tinder box for us.’
I can imagine. ‘Well, if you can bear some chaos, you’re more than welcome to come to the caravan for Boxing Day. Alan and Bev will be there too, so it will be a tight squeeze and lunch will be completely random food, but it would be lovely to have you.’
‘That’s very kind of you. We’d really like to come.’
‘Good.’ We give each other a hug.
My Christmas gift shopping has all been very last minute and, with Lucas’s help, entirely done online, but I did get a couple of little presents for them both. I’ve bought presents for Alan and Bev too and a little thank you for Matt, though we won’t see him now. It will have to wait until January when, hopefully, he’ll be back at Hope Farm again. I’ve bought nothing for Shelby, though. What do you buy for the man who has everything? I don’t expect anything from him either. He supports the farm and that’s all that matters to me.