“I don’t. I fight. That’s the only time I feel any sort of calm. Well, it was.”
He clenched his fists at the side of him and I could feel the tension in his body.
“And after the accident, you lost all that. You don’t feel that calm anymore, do you?” I knew the answer, but I asked the question anyway
“No. That’s not what I’m saying.” He frowned and leaned towards me. “I feel the calm, but I have another outlet now. I have you.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I know the way I feel. I also know you’ll never feel that way about me and I’m okay with that. I’m used to rejection. I’ve lived my whole life with disappointment. It’s second nature…”
I didn’t give him the chance to utter another word. I leant up and planted a kiss on his lips. A soft, gentle peck that told him he didn’t need to keep making excuses. That messed up, confused but calm feeling he was experiencing, I felt it too.
I pulled away but stayed close to him, looking deep into his eyes. He blew out a low breath and whispered, “You don’t have to feel sorry for me.”
“That’s not what this is.”
“Isn’t it? I don’t want you to use me for some kind of fucked-up therapy, Harper. A way to prove to yourself that you’re moving on.”
“I’m not.”
He reached forward and cupped my cheek and I leant into him. His hands were rough and calloused, but I liked the way they felt against my skin. The rough with the smooth. I looked up at him, seeing the confusion in his eyes, the way he was toying with his emotions.
“I have thought about you every day since that night,” he said. “You are the first thing I think about in the morning and last thing on my mind at night. I lie awake and wonder if what I did will ever get any easier for me to deal with.”
“It will, if you let me help. We can help each other.”
He placed his forehead gently against mine.
“I think I’m beyond help.”
“You don’t know if you don’t…”
I was the one who didn’t get to finish this time. Brandon kissed me, grabbing the back of my head and crashing his lips hard onto mine. He sent my mind into freefall.
I kissed him back, opening my mouth and groaning as our tongues laced together. I’d never been kissed this way before. Raw and electric; that’s the only way I could describe it, because he lit up my whole world.
I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him even closer, and he spun me round so my back was against the wall. Then he lifted me up by the backs of my thighs and I clamped my legs around his waist.
We stood against that wall in the shadows, finding ourselves in each other. The warmth of his body made me melt. The heat of his kiss set me on fire. I never wanted it to end. I wanted to live in the darkness forever, with him. He made me feel alive.
I ran my fingernails across the back of his head, and he moaned into our kiss. I threaded my fingers through his hair and tugged lightly as he squeezed my ass and ran his hands from my waist to my thighs and back again. And all the time, we were grinding our hips against each other. Needing more.
Brandon was the first to pull away, but he kept his forehead pressed against mine and panted as he said, “I don’t want to end this, but I’m not fucking you in an alleyway, Harper.”
I blushed at the crudeness of his words. “I didn’t think…”
“I want to, but you deserve better.” He sighed as he dropped my legs and let me stand on my own. “I’m not saying I don’t want this. I do. Trust me.” He quirked an eyebrow and looked down at his trousers with a smirk and then back up at me. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face at the obvious bulge he was sporting.
“You like me,” I said like an idiot.
“I more than like you.”
He gave me another kiss and then he chuckled to himself.
“I guess my mother was good for one thing after all. I never thought my night would end like this.” Then he full-on laughed. “I can’t believe you slapped her.”
“She asked for it. And for the record, that’s the first time I’ve ever hit anyone.”
He reached down to take my hand in his and lifted it up to kiss my knuckles.
“Good. I’m the brawler around here, not you,” he said, then playfully knocked his fist against my chin and laughed again.
“Your mum got us together. What are the chances?”
“Are we? Together, I mean?” He bit his lip and looked at the floor, shuffling nervously and kicking stones that weren’t even there.
“We’re something. Let’s not label it just yet. Let’s see where this thing takes us,” I suggested, and he seemed happy with that.
“I can do that.”
“Brandon?”
“Yes, little warrior?”
“You ever creep into my garden or my kitchen again to stalk me and I’ll kick your ass.”
He threw his head back and roared with laughter.
“What if I’m doing it to sneak into your room? There have to be exceptions to the rule?” He winked.
“I suppose I could overlook certain exceptional circumstances,” I said, pretending to look serious about it.
“Good, because I’m not staying away. I want to be everywhere that you are.”
I’d been a gentleman the night before and taken Harper home. Not my usual M.O, but then I was trying to be a better man for her. I managed to get another kiss at her front door, but I didn’t want to push my luck. I wanted this to work, and I also had Emily bloody Winters sat on my shoulder the whole time, telling me I had to treat Harper differently. She wasn’t like most girls I’d been around. She wasn’t like any girl I’d ever met before.
But today, I was pumped full of aggressive energy and wound up to the point that I wanted to punch a wall. After the run-in with my egg donor and then holding back from doing what I really wanted to do with Harper last night, I was like a tightly coiled spring. I needed an outlet, and I decided there was a better target I could aim for than a wall.
Jensen fucking Lockwood.
I’d left it far too long to teach that prick a lesson, and I needed him to know she was off-limits. Payback for him putting his hands on her was long overdue.
I stormed up their ridiculously extravagant driveway, smirking at the matching Range Rovers they had parked up.
Did they know it was me who torched the last lot?
I bloody hoped so.
I wanted them to know that no matter how much time passed, I’d never give up getting my revenge on them for what they did to me. Chase might not have used his fists like the others, but in the later years, he’d stood and watched. He was as guilty as they were.
I banged my fist on their door and kept the demonic smile on my face. I wanted him to see what my intentions were the minute he opened that door. The Joker had nothing on some of the crazy shit I wanted to do.
When it finally swung open, and Chase stood there gawping at me, I tried not to let my smile falter. If I had to knock him out to get to his brother, I would. His smug-ass face deserved a beating.
“Where is he?” I asked, putting my foot forward to stop him from closing the door.